MY JOURNEY THROUGH CANCER.
You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have. (Anonymous)
From the time I can remember I always had some health problem or the other. When I was just three years old, a gland became swollen on my legs & I remember my mom telling me that the doctors had told that after the surgery I might become an invalid. The gland mysteriously disappeared, May be God’s grace. But that leg always gave me trouble. I used to get a lot of pain in that leg, but I was always active as a kid taking part in all extracurricular activities…..the pain in the leg did not prevent me from doing anything…I guess it was the determination in my mind. I grew up with the pain. My life experiences only taught me to always fight it out. My father’s advice to me was to face everything in life boldly & never give up in life. Probably all this helped me later on to keep smiling in all walks of life.
In the year 2010 December, the climate in Chennai was unusually chill. Every other person was down with viral infection. My husband who had travelled to Mumbai came back with a bad cold, cough & fever. I got the infection from him. It first started with cold & fever. Later on I started coughing very badly. In spite of the antibiotics my Doctor gave, I started wheezing. I used sit up the whole night coughing. When I called my doctor she told me to get admitted & I landed up in the hospital bed. She started an IV & asked for blood test & Chest X-ray. Test dose was done & my chest infection was diagnosed as Pneumonitis. I was put on IV fluids, injections & nebulizers. When my infection came down, my BP started fluctuating. So I had to stay an extra day in the hospital. I was discharged from the hospital with a warning that I should be extra careful that I don’t get a relapse. I went for a review ten days later. I was advised to see a Chest Physician for further treatment. He put me on inhalers along with other medicines….I had to go for review once in two weeks. The strong antibiotics & inhalers made me really weak. I was told to be very careful as the climate was unusually cold.
It was in mid February 2011, as I was going to the doctor for review, I felt that something pricked or bite my right breast. When I came home & checked there was a prick mark with a yellowish color around it, which turned red & then bluish like a clot mark. I started checking my breast for any lumps, but found none….then I completely forgot about it. End of March I started getting a pricking pain in that same area & when I felt with my fingers I found a lime sized lump. For a second I was alarmed & felt a sudden rush of blood to my head. It suddenly dawned on me that it could be cancerous…as cancer runs in my family. I didn’t know what to do. I confided to two close friends of mine, they assured me saying it must be just an ordinary lump as it is painful…The next day I told my husband & children, they asked me to see a doctor immediately, but my family doctor was out of the county was expected back only mid of April. On my hubby’s persuasion I went to the hospital on the1st of April. When I entered the hospital I was so relieved & happy to see my family doctor standing there with a broad smile on her face. I told her everything, she took me in to see the lump & she told me it must be some infection & prescribed antibiotics for two weeks…..the pain subsided, but the lump was still there & I completely forgot about it.
After a few weeks, again I started getting a pricking pain, which was really unbearable at times. My close friends always gave me the inspiration I need to hear. They were with me always giving me the boost I needed. I was a bit worried, though I didn’t voice my worries at home. I called my doctor & told her about the pain. She just told me “ Geetha, let’s not wait….come tomorrow to the hospital & I’ll give you the requisition for a mammogram of both the breasts”. It was a Thursday, the 19th of May; I went to the hospital with my elder son, got the requisition & went straight to the scan center. I went to the reception of the scan center with great trepidation, though I was willing to face whatever it was. I was worried as I had heard everyone complaining that the mammogram is very painful. We were asked to wait & when my turn came the technician took me to the mammogram room. She took mammogram of both my breasts. I was so relieved when it got over & also glad that after all it was not such a bad experience. Later on I was called for the scan & then came the waiting period for the reports. It amused me a lot, when I thought that I was never so impatient for any other results in my life, not even as a student. The long wait which seemed too long came to an end when they called me to give the reports. On my way to the car, I read the report & I knew what it was. I was not alarmed or devastated as I had prepared myself for the worst. But hope makes us to still think of the positive side.
In the evening, I called my doctor & read out what was there in the report, she asked me to rush to the hospital. She said she would call the surgeon & tell him. Since my second son had to go to office, I told him I would go alone to the surgeon. I was used to going alone to the doctor. I told my hubby also to wait at home. I called for an auto rickshaw & went to the hospital. In my confusion, I forgot to carry the mammogram report. I met the surgeon & told him about the report & showed him, my cardiology prescriptions. He said he would first examine the lump & then after examination, he too told he had his doubts, but to be positive till the biopsy result came. He called up the pathology lab & spoke to the doctor about me. Since I didn’t know the location of the lab, I called home & asked my son to take permission from office & come to the hospital. After my son came, we went to the pathology lab; the doctor was not there, so we waited. After a long wait, she came & apologized saying she had another FNAC. All this time my hubby & sons were on needle tips…..they kept calling to enquire as to what happened. I was prepared for the worst & willing to fight it out. She called me in & kept me engrossed in her talks asking me about my family, profession etc. She briefed me about the procedure & inserter a fine needle into the lump. It was not painful; she took out a fluid & transferred it on to the slide. Then she took a thicker needle & inserted it into the lump, it was quite painful. But she was relieved that I was very cool about it. I asked her what she felt, she told me to be prepared for the worst. When we came out, seeing my son she said there was only 1% hope.
After the needle biopsy I went home, the pathologist had warned me that it would be painful for a few hours. She prescribed a painkiller. It was quite late when I reached home, my second son had already called his brother & my hubby to tell what the doctor had told. One look at my younger son’s & hubby’s face told me that they were very worried. The smile on my face gave them the assurance they needed. I could not sleep that night due to the pricking pain in the lump. My elder son came home after work, he didn’t have the courage to look at me, he asked me why I was awake. I told him it was paining after the FNAC. I sent a message to my niece to see if she was awake. I got a reply immediately & I spoke to her for a long time. There was some sort of rapport between us. After I spoke to her, My son told me “ Mom, how are you able to be so cool, even after what has happened?” I just told him that I was a hard nut to crack & I have been a born fighter all along.
I went to the surgeon the next evening with all my reports. The minute he saw the mammogram, he told me his views & when we were discussing about it, the pathologist called to confirm that it was malignant. I could see the change in my hubby & son, but I was still smiling as I was determined to fight it out & never ever give up. The surgeon told me that taking my age & family history into consideration, it would be better to remove the whole breast for my longevity. I just asked him how soon & he replied at the earliest. I was advised to see my cardiologist & get a consent letter from him. So I waited & met my cardiologist & gave him the surgeon’s letter. There started my experience of various blood tests & scans. The following day I met him with all the reports & after going through all those, he gave me a consent letter for the surgery, which was fixed for Monday, the 23rd May. I was advised to get admitted at 7 am after a light breakfast & nothing after that, not even water.
On 23rd May, I got admitted for the surgery at 7am. I was told that the surgery was fixed for 2pm. My family was with me in the hospital. My friend too came to see me. Around 2pm, I was taken to the operation theatre. The Anesthetist was standing near my head talking to me, one nurse was checking my BP, and a mask was put on my face. I was asked to inhale & exhale through my mouth. After an injection was put in my vein, I didn’t know what was happening. Later on when the doctor just patted on my cheeks only, I knew I had regained consciousness. The surgeon had removed my left breast along with the lymph nodes. I knew I had lost another feminine part of me. I remembered how I used to curse God for making me a woman & now I was losing my feminine parts one by one. I was shifted to my room along with IV fluids & a bag for collecting the waste oozing out from the operated area. I was in & out of consciousness till next morning. At night when the surgeon came to see me, he said that the lump was bigger than they had expected. He also told me that the breast along with the lymph nodes was taken to the pathology lab for further investigations. He gave me an injection for the pain. Whole night I disturbed my son for water as my lips were too dry & I was allowed only to wet my lips with water.
In the morning I was asked to sit & drink something. I asked my son when the reports would come. He told me that they had told him it would take ten days. My close friend used to come & feed me daily….My sister came. A lot of relatives & online friends used to call daily or send messages to enquire about me. I owe a lot to some of my friends for the encouragement they gave me. I was discharged on the 5th day. I had to carry the bag for the oozing along with me. I was advised to go for a review after a week. When I went to the hospital after a week, they removed the tube & few of my sutures. The following week, all my sutures were removed. My reports came & I was told that the tumor was a triple negative tumor……this triple negative cancer is supposed to be aggressive, the doctor said….He said I would be given aggressive treatment .My family was confused hearing the name triple negative cancer..But I was not bothered because I had decided that I would never give up. The surgeon gave me a letter to an oncologist & asked me to see him after 3 weeks. The three weeks was for the wound to heal.
I went to the oncologist with the surgeon’s letter & all my reports. He went through all my reports & explained to me the course of treatment. My treatment was six cycles of strong chemotherapy & complex radiation. As the wound had not healed fully he said he would start with the first cycle of chemotherapy on the 15th of June. I was to be given one cycle of chemotherapy, with a gap of three weeks. On 15th of June I started my journey through something, I had seen others undergoing with all the after effects. To see & support someone undergoing chemo is different from going through it yourself. I was unaware of what the after effect would be for me as the body of each individual reacts differently to the medicines. Before going to the hospital I told God” You have given me cancer & I have accepted it. Now it is up to you to see that I don’t start throwing up after each chemo”. I got admitted in the hospital for my first chemotherapy. The doctor came to examine me; he told about the after effects of chemo & warned me that I might even become bald after three weeks. My elder sister was with me, she asked every little detail of the chemo & the oncologist patiently answered her. The nurses came checked my Bp & fixed the IV needle & gave me three injections. They asked me if I had any pain in the chest & was asked to inhale & exhale through my mouth. Suddenly I felt a burning sensation spread through my whole body that lasted for a few seconds. This was something new for me……Then they started the drips along with the medicines. The chemo lasted for three hours. I was asked to be in the hospital overnight as he wanted to observe the after effects of the chemo, if any. The first cycle got over without any problem. The oncologist was happy that I took it cheerfully. I came home & the only after effect I experienced was lack of taste & constipation. I tried to stick to a fruit & vegetable diet. I had to go on alternate days for three injections on my stomach, for increase of blood count. I was asked to see the oncologist two days before the next cycle to check my blood count & for the doctor to see how I was responding. My hair had started falling in large numbers.
I got admitted for my second cycle of chemo. The oncologist asked me about my hair fall, but I was more worried about my Hemoglobin count. It was always a difficult task for the nurses to find a vein & fix the IV needle. The second chemo too went off without any problem. After my second chemo I started getting ulcers in my mouth. My younger sister felt it was wise to shave my head than see the hair coming off in my comb. I went with my son to a unisex parlor & asked them to shave my head. They were reluctant, but I explained the reason behind it. I never felt sad when they were shaving, but the young man doing it had a sad face. I was very happy that I did not have to depend on someone else to comb my hair. I had taken care of three close relatives of mine, during cancer treatment. I used to coax them to eat & drink more…When I went through the same experience as a patient, I realized that it was very easy to advice others. I knew how difficult it was to eat & drink when you had ulcers & no taste in the mouth. With great pain I realized that it is very easy to preach, but very difficult to practice. The second chemo gave me a different experience….I was not sure what to eat or drink as I started getting diarrhea. Daily I was forced to have something throughout the day. I started feeling more tired. A few days later, I was having my green tea in the morning, I started feeling very uneasy & I was sweating profusely. I got up thinking I will rest for sometime & walked to my bedroom without letting anyone know that I was feeling uneasy. Instead of the bedroom I went I reached the wall unaware of what was happening. Only when I heard my sister scream & made me sit on the chair, I knew that something had happened to me. All panicked & were wondering what had happened to me. When I felt better, I called up my doctor & she told me to go to the hospital. I went to the hospital & my doctor called the oncologist. He advised her to check my BP & Blood sugar. An ECG was taken…everything was normal. The oncologist told me that if it recurred, I would have to do a scan of my head. I came home & was not allowed to walk around as all were worried that I would get another black out. All new experiences for me….Still I was strong willed & smiling. By then it was time for my third cycle of chemo & I had to meet the oncologist before that. The third & fourth cycle went off without any hitch….
One day I started getting muscular spasm all over my body; I couldn’t sit, stand or rest. I landed on the hospital bed again. This time I was asked to do a MRI scan of my head & chest, then an ultra sound scan of my abdomen & blood test.. The MRI scan was a completely new experience for me. I was given drips & asked to be in the hospital for a day for observation. The oncologist told me it was due to the lack of potassium & sodium in my body. I was advised to have tender coconut daily. I had two more cycles of chemo. I had got used to it….Every time it was a new experience, sometime my BP was high & sometimes it was low. I had to go for monthly check up to my Cardiologist also. My Cardiologist was happy that I was able to withstand the surgery & the chemo. One of my online friends came all the way to meet me & she was happy to see me smiling. She told me I looked serene without my hair. Every time I went for check up to the oncologist, his wife would enquire how I felt . She has been such a charming woman who had a smile & kind word for all the patients. Even the oncologist was always with a smile which encourages a patient.
By end of September, my six cycles of chemo was over & I was advised to go for the next treatment. I was really exhausted physically. I was still fighting it out physically & mentally. Oncologist told me to meet him after three weeks & he would give me a letter to the Radiologist. After the three injections for my hemoglobin count, I told my hubby that I would like a change & I wanted to go to Kerala to see my Mom. We went to Kerala & the three weeks there was like a booster dose for me. I came back feeling refreshed & ready for my radiations. I met my Oncologist & then went to the Radiologist with a letter & all my reports. After physical examination, he said I needed 25 sittings of complex radiation for 6 minutes daily. We started the radiation on the same day. I used to accompany my MIL to the Radiotherapy room. Practically I was going through it for the first time. The Radiologist put some ink markings on the area for radiation. I was called into the therapy room, a completely new experience & all alone in a dark room. When it got over I was a little confused & distorted in my mind. When the therapist asked for my address, I completely forgot my house number. I was a little amused thinking how I could forget at that moment. I was asked to check my HB count every week & I was a little alarmed to find it was only 7. The radiologist advised me to eat lot of greens. I started drinking beetroot juice & all types of vegetables which was rich in iron. I had never waited for any results as I waited for my blood test results. I had a phobia about blood transfusion, as all at home were B +ve & I was O +ve. If I had to do blood transfusion I had to buy blood from the blood bank.
The 25 days of radiotherapy seemed to me like a long time which was never ending. It was five day a week, so it seemed as if it was taking a long time. I was getting tired of it because the drive to the hospital & back was in the peak time of traffic. My treatment was completely over by the end of November, 2011. During my radiation days, I used to meet a lot of other patients who were there for treatment in different part of their body. One thing I observed was the great rapport each one had for the other. We would enquire about each other’s health & after effect of radiation. Some of them really suffered from ulcers in the radiation area. Towards the end of my radiotherapy my skin started peeling off. Sometimes my son used to accompany me. He found the visit to the hospital very depressing & disturbing, to see patients with tubes in their nose. He always asked me how I managed to have a smile on my face. I went to the oncologist for check up after my radiations, he advised me to see him once a month. The area where the skin had peeled off got infected. He prescribed a cream & antibiotics for a week. That area took some time to heal. It was very painful. When I saw my Surgeon, he asked me to take antibiotics for another week & was advised to see him for review once a month.
My journey through my life from the time of surgery had been a totally different experience. Cancer being a different type of disease, one had to be strong willed to fight it out. My bitter experiences in life had made me strong. So I had accepted the fact that I had cancer & my motto in life had always been “Never ever give up”. One had to be strong willed to fight out the cancer cells that invaded your body. I also owe it to my hubby & sons for encouraging & inspiring me to fight it out. Without by hubby's love , care & support I would have been totally helpless.
After all it is not so bad, it is your attitude towards it that helps you to get rid of the invading cells. A strong will to live further for yourself & your family. My oncologist’s wife always tells me” Ma’am, your smile glows on your face & radiates a positive attitude to others”. I would rather be a candle that gives light to others than curse darkness. Always a positive attitude that would encourage others in life.
I would like all those who are fighting cancer to remember this:
WHAT CANCER CANNOT DO.
Author Anonymous
Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the Spirit.
Always Think Positive & Be Positive. Never become a victim to the invading cancer cells. Never ever give up. Keep smiling so that you are an inspiration to others.
