Retreating facades

In the circuitous journey of life,

my soul takes flight in the,

actuality that is bent by lies,

flouting the complexities.

The soul is bared in the affectation,

charlatan smiles and painful thoughtlessness,

in a fiesta of blinds,

I blanket my true feelings in a shroud of dismay.

A desire to escape into the mystic mist,

departing miles away into the hills,

unmasking all my apparitions,

into a reality of lingering silences.

© Geetha Paniker.

Masquerade of life.

In quiet masquerade of life,

true feelings shroud in dismay,

the glimmering reflections,

in broken shards,

a memory vague lingers on,

like a captor in my soul.

© Geetha Paniker

The heart, that's the spring of life.

The heart is believed to be the strongest muscle in the human body. Perhaps that's the reason why it is able to withstand the use, misuse and abuse, with strength and courage. But like everything else, isn't there a limit to which it can endure? Is it the perspective of setting your priorities right? A lot of questions hang around my rebelling mind. I have always believed that the pain I feel today will be my strength tomorrow. I have always been a warrior, but does that make me less vulnerable or open to the weakening of the heart or the body? Sometimes it is the poison of the words that numbs the heart and soul, that makes me wish that I had a big whole where my heart is. But the empty spaces of my life stare at me. I kick start my survival mode to protect the emptiness that creeps into me. Emptiness seems to be atrophy, feeling numbed all over.

Am I creating a wall around my heart? The answer would be a big no, to be true to myself. When the heart is used and abused and misused, it gives warning signals, if you care to pay attention to. Now my heart is giving me an ultimatum. I decide to let go and move on, though there is a lot of pain and hurt. I decide to open my heart to things that make me alive, and not get weakened by the stings. It is easier said than done, but nothing is impossible; though it takes time. 

"Grow your heart by learning from the pain and continuing on. Continue on as before, loving as deeply as you can." The emotions of the mind and heart can be controlled, but the working of the heart needs time to recuperate. The pain still comes, soft and far between. My eyes still tear. But now, it’s for the gratitude, for the biggest lesson, for the little piece of my heart that tells me, "You are a fighter and you are going to be fine."

The body tells the heart to slow down; the heart tells the mind and body to slow down. If I don't take care of my heart, none will. I wake up to an awakening of putting myself first, living my moments for the little things that give me joy and finding magic in "The moment", something I keep being reminded by the butterflies that visit me.

Do I take care of my family? It goes without saying. Do I take care of my home? Of course, I do. Do I take care of my heart? Probably not.

I have found my sanctuaries to relax and just be. I always fully acknowledged the present in its entirety—every aspect, including the playful, joyful moments, and the uncomfortable, challenging ones; taking it as the inevitable. I found my space to re-connect to myself learning to let go of everything, trying to get rid of my inner barriers, being gentler to myself. I ask myself when is the last time that I acknowledged the feelings that were asking for my attention. How do take care of myself from the inside out without depending on any outside force, so that I can fully feel alive.

It is a self disciplining to make life easy for me and others. A journey I undertake for my well being and to gain strength physically, mentally and emotionally. 

Winged love

Two winged mates,

in the magic of a sunset,

sat on a wall preening the other,

cuddled up in a love so true,

billing and cooing one another,

enfolding in a warmth of a wrap around,

pure-heartedly together as one,

lost in reverie,

with the depth of admiring and being adored,

a small fire aroused inside,

into a blazing inferno of the present moment.

© Geetha Paniker

Song of the soul.

There is a song inside my soul,
Of unsaid words,
that breathe inside me,

with the melody of my heart,
that picks a soul apart,
with a tinge of passion,
that stands the test of time.

© Geetha Paniker

Transit into solitude.

Life delivers a bouquet of memories,
tiny seeds of love sown in the heart,
blooming like flowers each passing day,
when nurtured with care and warmth.

In the passing sands of time,
life bestows many cherished moments,
taking me through meandering paths,
leaving an ache in the heart and soul.

Time renders a journey of solitude,
as priorities make a transitional change,
numbing the soul in silence,
with a yearning in the heart. 

© Geetha Paniker

Orange moon.

As the clouds roll by at the horizon,
the shy moon peeps through flushed,
beaming in yellow and orange,

with intense feelings and emotions,
embracing   the luminous sea-waves
that conceives it's light,
crinkled in its silvered capture.

© Geetha Paniker

Picturesque waterfalls.

The hills always allure me, the river flowing at the footsteps of the hills over rocks and then plummeting down into a waterfall with cool sprays of water that cover a large area is the most scenic spot that took my breath away. There is nothing refreshing to the mind as standing at the foot of the falls and being enveloped in the magical, cleansing spray of the cascading waters. The waterfall drops from a great height through several parallel streams with a scenic beauty that really took my breath away and I closed my eyes to breathe in the fresh air with the sprayed waters of the waterfall. 

Water tumbles down a hill side in a series of mini-falls and then cascades into a roaring white stream over the rocks; the sprays from which envelop you and fills joy in the heart and soul. Waterfall is a force of nature that is both beautiful and brutal; one that is tranquil from a distance but deafening up as you get closer to it. It seems like the cascades of water conjured up other cascades of equally powerful emotions and it takes the breath away at closer sight. Athirapally and Vazhachal are two majestic and picturesque waterfalls, that is simply spectacular. It is the most magnificent sight to behold. It is the most beautiful place to be in, amid the green of the forested hills of Sholayar forest ranges, the river flowing across over the rocks and the breathtaking waterfalls with the water spraying across. 

One can reach top of the falls with about 15 minutes walk from the falls entrance. It offers spectacular views of the Sholayar hills and a unique view of the waterfalls from this spot. About 10-15 minutes trek down from top of the falls will take you to bottom of the falls where the greatest beauty of the falls can be experienced.

Cherish me.

I shy not for what I am worth,
watching beauty of passing days,
feeling passion in  love,
like a flower that never wilts.

You awaken my heart,
and replenish the soul,
plaster a smile on my face,
with a twinkle in the eyes.

Captured by the passion,
I crave for cherished love,
with a smoldering fire,
overwhelmed by my senses.

Gkp

Enchanting unison.

I adore a flower that
glimmers in colorful essence,
petals unfurl revealing its golden heart,
at the first touch of sun's rays,
with a radiant beauty,
swaying and dancing,
in the arms of the wind,
butterfly comes fluttering by,
in enchanting unison.

Waterfall of life.

Every moment of your life is like a waterfall. The past is a river above, the future is the river below, and its fall is what the present is.  But there is calm always in the waterfall. To the unaware observer, it may seem  to be reckless or savage, but behind that  is the secret hidden tranquillity, the, faith,  letting go and trusting of life like that of the waterfall,  you are a part of the waterfall, that you are no longer 'in' the waters, but that you 'are' the water. No longer victim to it, no longer at its mercy, since you are inseparable from the waters. The waters of your life, loved for its rapids as well as for its peace.

Foggy morning.

 The astounding beauty of a foggy morning,

as cool breeze whisper through trees,
walking barefoot on the dew drenched grass,
my journey ahead fading in misty magic,
with a mystery of falling dewdrops,
I stride on hoping time pauses,
footsteps echoing in the howling  breeze,
wandering on a lost meandering path,
through days of love and passions that time forgot.

Gkp

Flame of words.

How do I appease the flame,

ending the burn in my soul,

of the words that batter me,

rendering me helpless,

with letters dancing around,

in the depth of my  heart.

How do I close my eyes,

for I behold a rain of words,

with a thunderous burst,

to appease an inferno,

evoking me to plunge into its depth.

How do I feel with my heart,

when a flame has been lit,

words heavy on my chest,

I burn inside me slowly,

the fire spreading through me.

Gkp

The ultimate truth!

Just as the sands of time,
slip through an hourglass,
the numbered days of life,
stare cold on the face,
with the ultimate truth of life.

The moments of life stand still,
in treasured memories of time,
cherishing those that bring solace,
to soothe the soul,
of its anguished pain.

I dare to challenge it,
in all its strength to overpower,
finding joy in the little blessings,
of those moments that held my heart,
in the warmth of a love so dear.

Gkp.

Lashing rains.

The howling wind whistled through the trees,

against the lashing torrential rains,

the trees swayed in the wind,

as the sky echoed in a thunderous clap,

inundating the streets,

reflecting all the lights around,

in the darkness of the night.

Abandoned solitude.

Journeying in abandoned solitude,
with an anguish in heart and soul,
detecting all I dote on drifting,
leaving me in a solitary island.

The heart yearns for just a call,
soul craves for the bonds,
tied to the heart like a lullaby
losing myself in sands of time.

Am I a bondage for bonds,
or is it time taking its toll,
my heart's enhanced bonds,
drift in the river of time.

Life takes me on a lonely path,
with only memories to treasure,
When moments are all I have,
in the sunset of my life.

Mist-kiss

Like a   mountain in a silent valley,
amongst the mist kissed mountains,
I stand tall and alone in the sands of time,
in solitude with nature.

Review of When I Fell in love with life.

http://www.indianbookreviews.com/2015/12/13/surviving-and-how/

A cup of coffee.

The aroma of cappuccino,

tantalizes my soul,

reverberates through a memory,

and resonates in my mind.

A cup of coffee brews,

freshens up the mind,

igniting a spark,

to fall in love with it.

A kiss of the cup,

it lingers on and on,

wafting its flavor,

with a yearning for more.

Fresh as a new dream,

its cream and color,

creates a heart,

cementing a bond forever.

Posted in HOP

Photo courtesy Adwaith Praveen.

Twilight magic.

The night's velvet brush,

paints the sky with twilight colors,

shrouded by dark heavy clouds,

descending in  a quiet hush,

splashing the  landscape with,

 a beauty that takes my breath away.

My tranquilizer.

When the day ends with,

a circle of beauty and time,

magic of every sunset,

nature's color in glorious perfection.

Sunset takes me along,

to a world of colors,

where thoughts are free,

like a flowing river.

The sun dips below,

making  me tranquil over,

 the trouble waters of my mind,

to beauty of the sunset.

A burning fire in the soul.

Gazing at the expanse of the sky,

I sense it  perceives ,

 the language of my heart and soul,

looking right through me intensely,

 the expressions of my mind,

as the clouds parade across,

with secrets, truths and a radiant glow,

of a burning fire in my soul, mind, heart and body.

Symphonic heart.

In an azure sky I found a heart,
with resonance of my heartbeats,
creating a symphony of melodious tunes,
a love that abides my soul,
 in a tiny drop of hope.

A new awakening of the heart,
intensely igniting my mind,
true to my feelings,
aflame with flowing thoughts,
never forsaking my tangled memories.

Glowing in anticipation of my belief,
still loving with all my heart,
unspoken words of the arrhythmic heart,
ink my words onto paper,
as a wellspring for my life.

Solitude of dusk.

In solitude of dusk,
I love the sunset,
That soothe's my soul,
Of the day's toil.

The sun shrouded by clouds,
Paints hues to yellow and orange,
In the canvas of sky,
Taking my breath away.

I feel a reassuring love envelop,
With a peaceful radiance,
As the sun takes leave,
Promising a new day.

A prelude to love.

A sunset abides like love,

colors blending in a magical hue,

passionate and true,

making a paradise beyond the sunset,

where true love awaits,

as a prelude.

in spectacular array

of Twilight colors,

like an unforgettable love. 

Whisper of a flame.

Like a whisper of a dying flame,

that shines in full splendor,

the setting sun blazes,

as it sinks down below,

with all its yearnings of the day.

Missing presence and absence.

In the absence and presence, it reveals the core of how you care for someone. Sometimes it is the absence that tells us what presence cannot. Really blessed are those whose presence and absence are felt in life. It is both the presence of the absent as well as absence of the present that reveals the depth of its value in life.

As I gaze around I question myself if it is the observing eye that is my culprit, or is it something else like introspection? Or is it that you miss many of the happy times? Health gone? Strength of mind dwindling? Belief in self waning? Relationships losing the luster? Many questions float around in the mind with all confusions. Then I thwart all questions propping up in the mind.

There are times when fond reminiscence leads me to a path, that makes me smile. It is in these muted, wistful moments that I think of certain facts that makes my eyes moist overcome with a sadness. It may be an old photograph, a text message or an event that triggers it with a train of thoughts  and memories.  A sense of nostalgia to re-live something that is heartwarming but one missing the warmth and care of a bond. It is a gulf between what was and what is; a part of me and my life that I re-visit time and again.

There is a strong foundation of nostalgia that is bittersweet. There is a longing for that bond as the sand in my hourglass trickles down. As I reflect back I can't help but feel a longing for that care and warmth. It is a deluge of thoughts and moments that went missing in the presence and absence.

Marooned in silence.

The strength of mother nature can be as frightening as it is beautiful and enthralling. One cannot underestimate the fury of mother nature. She sometimes reveals her fearsome power as much as her silent resilience. Nature's  fury is sometimes due to the harshness of man's  mistakes and it's effect is devastating. The power of mother earth can be awe inspiring as well as  destructively devastating turning you into a hapless and helpless child in her arms.

Everything goes for a toss when it rains non stop and starts becoming furiously merciless. There is only inundated roads and houses; no power or other ways of communication, you are marooned in a wall of silence. It is only the furious sounds of the incessant rains that you get to hear. You realize a lot of facts in life. You are not in a position to take the wrath of mother nature. It is believed that mother nature is considered as an embodiment of patience. Nature always bestows it's best, there is a limit for everything.

The river weathers the peace and fury of nature's moods, it muddles with its pristine waters, a beautiful entity  of nature that beauty personified well within its boundaries but devastatingly destructive when in spate flooding the whole area. It takes the brunt of the fury and finally breaks out furiously. Nature avenges for its exploitation.

I learned one great lesson of life, that anything exceeding it's boundaries or anything that is excess turns violent, threatening, paralysing and very dangerous. How much is too much? How little is too little? In the fury of nature you become mere silent spectators or victims of a ruthless ire. It is an irony of fate. 

My forgotten heartbeats.

Something as simple as sitting in my balcony watching my winged friends gives me a tranquil inspiration. To watch the birds and be one with them, it is important to get in touch with silence. Early in the morning, they wake me up with their chirping. I sit in my balcony sipping my coffee or tea, and watch them flit from tree to tree, or chase one another playfully in the sky. It does something magical to my feeling and emotions. I feel they know me and understand my feeling and trauma. 

 Every season brings some new birds, my winged companions. Every season there is something new that allure bird lovers. They always bring in lot of surprises. They flit around from branch to branch, but they fill my heart with a rare kind of joy. I love to watch them pruning their feathers so patiently, that I just keep gazing at them. I think that is the time they sit for long on the branches they are perched. It is believed that a bird's attitude takes it a long way.

My balcony is my abode of peace where I re-live my magical momens. I watch the birds, the trees and its blossoms and the vast expanse of the sky that takes me to a realm of solitude. Nature is a place e where it is easy to focus on life. Itis a paradise I escape to put things in perspective. It includes both the physical and abstract things too for me. A tree and everything about it is special and evolves life. It gives me a sense of belonging like nothing else does. They bring back life in my heart and soul.

Winged companions tweet,

the most beautiful melody,

of the song in my soul,

in the twilight magical hour.

Unnoticed and always present,

like a gentle heartbeat,

a fragile  throb of life,

That is beyond my realm.

With tiny flapping wings,

stirring my heart into knots,

they chirp joyfully,

leaving a loving sweet ache. 

Silent comfort.

Rain on my pane,

making a mirage of raindrops,

you may drizzle,

come as a downpour,

or take me into a tempest.

Touch me when lonely,

weave into my heart,

dripping with comfort,

soaking the soul,

in your silent ways.

Hold me in your power,

in thunderous passion,

entrench me deeply,

raining on me incessantly,

rejuvenating what lies dormant.

Posted in High on Poems.

Diverse coexistence.

There is a language, a story and mystery in the vast expanse of the sky. 

A beautifully woven tapestry in the sky can narrate a story to you that is an awe inspiring sight. The vast expanse of the sky is a cocktail of the billowing clouds on one side, with a beautiful blue sky just beside it and a sky on fire between ashen skies......saying you look so beautiful today because I am by your side. Suddenly there is a lightening touching somewhere in the deep sea, showing a silvery line striking into the sea. Each day it narrates something different to me. I realized all these coexist and cannot be without the other and that is life in reality. The sky is a healer always. Sometimes gazing at the expanse of the sky I feel that it understands my mind, heart and soul and gives me a spectacular view of colors on one side, white fluffy clouds of the other and heavy ashen clouds; in the same sky. They look so diverse yet united in their movement. 

Watching the skies is always a constant source of fascination. Gazing at the mass of clouds, seeking formations in them is a child like wonder that leaves me awe struck at times. Clouds are found in different sizes, shapes, colors and distinct formations. They are truly magical. Spotting shapes in clouds is a delightful. Sometimes it is a heart, an elephant, a mother and baby; it is always amazing to see the changing formations of clouds in the skies. Every individual views at the patterns in the clouds differently.

Time with nature definitely helps me. Something as simple as sitting in the balcony could give me tranquil peace. Even when I am on the move the sky encourages stillness within. It shows me resilience and acceptance. I would like to always identify myself with my problems, emotions and thoughts; attached to what was and what is. I am not shattered either by the challenges in my life any more than the sky is shattered by the lightening or the thunder; nor get washed away more than the sky is washed away by the rain. The sky is a constant healer. 

"Gazing at the expanse of the sky,

 I sense it  perceives ,

 the language of the heart and soul,

 looking right through me intensely,

 expressions of my mind,

 as the clouds parade across,

 with secrets, truths and a radiant glow."

The dying art of calligraphic writing with a pen.

Gazing at a letter adorned with calligraphic writing, never fails to attract my attention or capture my heart and soul. It is a pouring out of all feelings and emotions onto paper with a pen. Is it a tale of mystery and intrigue or is it just a simple meandering glimpse of life's journey? Writing is on the way to extinction. How many of us still get or write such letters or a holiday card or a greeting card? Not many bother to put pen down their feeling onto paper. Who cares to write any more?  Is writing dying a slow and painful death? The answer would be 'Yes', though to me it still holds a lot of value.

There is more typing and clicking on the keyboard and mouse than writing with a writing instrument. We have moved into an age where the mouse, keyboard, keypads and instant messaging are dearer to us than the nimble pen, causing the slow and painful death of the art of writing. Undoubtedly, we still do "write", but we now "write" with the mouse and keypad. From the beautiful, smooth movement of the once mighty pen, we have moved to embrace the swiftness of the fingers in tapping keys.

 How many pick up the humble pen and paper to write? The joy of writing on a wonderful piece of paper, folding it, putting it in an envelope, applying the stamp and sending the letter is no more a reality, but moved on to typing and sending it to a virtual email address. The world has lost the joys of holding the card or letter, the psychological joy and contentment of touching, turning the pages and holding them.

 

It is believed that we have come to an age of “I click, therefore I am."

Words can evoke myriad emotions,

every word is a heart beat,

that is penned down with ink,

making a page come alive.

Now the pen is dying,

the keyboard types words,

but they are just words,

no life in the flying words.

The inked words can breathe life,

with all the feelings it hold,

sinking into the page,

as it bleeds with passion.

Reviews of my book "When I fell in love with life."

A word of appreciation and feedback of every reader is the reward of a writer. I am thankful to those who wrote a review of my book after reading it. The following are a few links to reviews of my book. Thanks a lot for the feedback.

1. http://ministryofmagik.blogspot.in/2015/10/book-review-when-i-fell-in-love-with.html

2. https://www.facebook.com/salismagazine/posts/962969623749973

http://www.salisonline.in/Blog.aspx?BLOG_ID=510

3. https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=702021579928840&id=674315009366164

4. https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=700186243445707&id=674315009366164

5. https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=700025993461732&id=674315009366164

6. https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=693084770822521&id=674315009366164

7. https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=962669060460412&set=a.510139199046736.1073741832.100001519825910&type=3

8. https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=694758020655196&id=674315009366164
9. https://www.facebook.com/arunm.sivakrishna/posts/10206096290820984
10.https://www.facebook.com/chitrasemail/posts/10153529875553190

Life's inevitable crossroads.

Crossroads in life are inevitable. All face crossroads in life's journey, but when life gives blow time and again; there is a kind of helplessness that takes you to an entirely different crossroad. You have to be emotionally, mentally and physically strong to face the crossroad. When you are dealt with trauma of health hazards, over a period of time you tend to become emotionally and mentally weak and to come out of it takes a lot of time, courage and strength. It is positive thoughts that always give positive outcomes, but if you are facing a negative vibe from somewhere, then the capacity to stay positive doubles.

To have a positive and strong mind, you need to nurture it, anyone can be weary of constant stress, so it is important that you inspire yourself to engender positivity; you family and friends play a major role in this endeavour. The strongest of people are not those who do things for themselves, but ones who know whom to turn to when in need of help. Negative energy snaps you and brings you down completely.

Today standing at a crossroad of my life's journey, I ask myself, “Have I taken care of myself good enough?" Even after having fought the creeping crab twice, if I ask myself "have I learned to pamper myself a little and take care of myself?” it would be doing injustice to me if I said 'yes.' Today, when my mobility is threatened, I realize that I need to take time for myself, doing what I love the most, pampering myself a bit and relaxing to give my mind, body and soul the rest it needs.

Then why am I at the crossroads? I think it is because I am confused how to do it? Then I need to come to terms with my physical, mental and emotional health and find time for myself and take care of my health. There are times I have felt useless and helpless. Why? How? What? These are questions I ask myself. I have to come out of it, finding the inner strength to cope up with all these. Sometimes I feel the four years of my fight and health problems have made me vulnerable and easily open to hurt; sometime I find it difficult as I used to be a very calm and strong person. Where my health is concerned I am still strong enough to face and endure any amount of pains. But the mental and emotional stress; I think my strength has weaned a lot. I do not know if it is due to the health factor or the amount of stress is insurmountable, I think I need to find a way to get out of this crossroad of life as I always do.

Is it my health, my age or some other factor that is the cause, I am yet to find an answer.  Have I stretched myself beyond my capacity? Till I find an answer, I am just trying to find a solution from nature as it always soothes and heals me, giving me the inspiration and strength to go on.

Standing at an inevitable crossroad,

 with a trail of  confusing thoughts,

 heading on a journey of loneliness,

 storm clouds gathered around me.

 Perplexed at the turn of events,

 tired, helpless yet willing to fight,

 the hardest phase of life,

 I stand at a fork gripped with uncertainties.

 Lost somewhere blurred in oblivion,

 reflecting at the grey sky,

 I see an undying fire within me,

 to ignite the irreplaceable spark within me.

Moonbeams of love.

The beauty of the moon casting a silver net over the sea, is a beautiful sight to behold. It makes me gaze at it in awe, for its ageless presence as a muse depicting  life and romance for writers. The sea looks like a crinkling silvery surface when the moonbeams falls on the sea. The moonbeams kiss the sea, leaving ripples on the shore with its silvery shine. The waves clasp one another, rejoicing in the silvery light of the moon that reflect in the sea.

The moon shows the rhythm of time in cycles, determining the capacity for reflecting and adapting to life. The new moon is like infancy, the crescent is youth and adolescence, and full moon maturity of life. The waning is sleep and death. Everything  in nature has a connection to life. The moon shining over the sea is a sight that fills the mind with tranquility.

 The moonbeams kiss the sea,

As the waves clasp one another-

And fling silvered nets,

Over the crinkling sea.

The swells of the tide,

Like emotions on the high,

In shimmering silvery silhouettes-

With splashing waves on a thrill.

Twinkling joy of reflective sparkles,

In the splendor of moon-

Completes an incompleteness,

Of a love so true.

A long forgotten feeling.

The coral jasmine with its beautiful colors and fragrance has always been a part of my life that made me admire it; an imperishable memory in me. I have spent time under this fragrant tree, just gazing at the fallen flowers that make a thick carpet in its bower. It has always stayed in my soul with fond and precious memories. In many ways it is special and I consider it a gift of love, a long forgotten feeling that emerges whenever I see this tree laden with flowers, raindrops or dew drops hanging on the buds and then the fallen flowers.

 It is believed that the fragrance is the feelings of flowers. The coral jasmine does have intense feelings and is capable of evoking intense emotions. It is one of the most fragrant flowers and also known as night jasmine as they bloom at night and fall off to the ground by dawn, wafting the fragrance around and forming a tapestry of white and orange. I love these flowers for the sheer fact that they bloom and fall off in graceful beauty.

The coral jasmine tree is also known as 'The tree of sorrow.' But for me it has been a source of joy and inspiration. 

 You captivated me,

drenched in raindrops

my mind singing in joy,

at the sight of you,

a fragrance around me,

an untold emotion,

deep in my soul.

Blossoms of love,

that never fades,

in ethereal beauty,

of a misty glow,

truly evoking passion,

whispering sweetly at night,

with vivid memory.

 A long forgotten feeling,

of a little girl,

gazing shyly at a tree,

shaking heavy laden branches,

gathering fallen flowers,

a mystery lingers on,

the fragile coral jasmine.

Turbulence in a bond.

Clouds are believed to be representation of very powerful emotions with the ability to create or destroy. To see and contemplate the cloud is to learn about self just as it is in all the elements of nature. It can be transition and transformation.

 With intermittent rains and the change of sky from grey to sensuous blue has been a treat to watch. The sky is filled with while fluffy clouds that tempt you like cotton candy and then suddenly they get filled with grey clouds chasing the white clouds or different parts of the expanse of the sky is so different showing that all can coexist despite the great differences.

 As I watched the sky with awe, I found two grey clouds moving with a comfortable space among them. They kept moving in the sky, making me think of the day to day relationships of life.  The movement went on for quite a distance, till suddenly the space started reducing among the clouds and suddenly the distance among then became nil. Just then there was a lightening and a thunderous clap in the sky, make me ponder over it.

 I realized how every bond of life is so similar to what I had witnessed. As long as there is a comfortable space among, it grows and foster's the bond making it stronger. But as the spaces reduce the friction starts that destroy it. I remembered Kahlil Gibran's quote, “Let there be spaces in your togetherness, and let the winds of the heavens dance among you. Love each other but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.” I realized how true it is. It was indeed a powerful presentation of a bond and the emotions that go with it.

The passion of a soul.

The bilateral mastectomies of a woman can leave her with devastating emotional scars even after she survives all her ordeals. The physical distress surmounts the emotions distress, though it depends on every individual to come out of it. She feels completely disfigured with a diminished sense of femininity. There is no magic cure for it either physically or psychologically, it has to heal from deep within the soul. It is irrespective what age the woman really undergoes the trauma, it takes great strength to regain her confidence, inner strength and the spark of life. It is the most unexpected challenge on the journey through breast cancer, wherein the breast has a hypnotic effect on a woman's figure with womanly curves being the muse even for her life partner.

Do people really understand this trauma and mental anguish that a woman really goes through after a bilateral mastectomy? Even if a woman knows it's the right thing, agreeing to a mastectomy as part of breast cancer treatment can be a difficult choice to make. Over a time though a female body is 'stretched, pushed, squeezed and contorted in various ways, the obsession for the breast with beauty is seemingly more amplified now. The cancer diagnosis and bilateral mastectomy can be very terrifying, with painful scars that sting the soul, is very difficult to accept for many. It calls for sheer grit and will power to overcome all these emotional stress and finally emerge with a rare inner beauty and confidence with a smile on the face and bounce in the step.

There is in fact no age for romance and passion. Even after all these emotional stress and painful trauma, the passion and romance never dies down. If it dies down then there is no life in you. Passion is the fire that keeps you going through all the challenges. You need inner strength to retrieve your self-esteem and how you look at yourself as a woman.

Although a double mastectomy can change your feelings about yourself and your body, it's important to remember that you're worthy of love and attention — both from yourself and others. By staying positive and surrounding yourself with a good support system, you can go through anything in life with your self-esteem intact.

The artistic paintbrush of nature.

The most beautiful artistic creation of nature is a beautiful rainbow, that she paints for us in the sky. It is a truly mesmerizing, enchanting and breathtaking beauty that is untouchable in distance, but one that comes directly from the palette of nature's paintbrush. Rainbow is a spectacular creation in which all the five elements of nature is involved,  one that appears after a rainstorm, restoring and cleansing the turbulent storms of the earth and the soul, a kind of calmness after all the uncertainties and pains.

Though it is a meteorological phenomenon that is caused by reflection, refraction and dispersion of light in water droplets resulting in a spectrum of light appearing in the sky, it is a spectacular sight to behold. A double rainbow is a bonus and a hope of restoration.  In a double rainbow, a second arc is seen outside the primary arc, and has the order of its colors reversed, with red on the inner side of the arc. 

I love rainbows and its beauty. But a magnificent double rainbow was something I don't remember witnessing at all. I felt it was a hope for transformation of my life. It was worth stopping by to admire the beauty of a magical creation. A double rainbow gracing the sky of Chennai was something spectacular and a rare sight. It was indeed a magical experience that touched the heart and soul directly. It filled me with an awe and energy of love with a hopeful healing. It brought me a promise that all pains would pass, strengthening the vision of life. It was a sign of new beginnings and joy.

I find a rainbow, an extraordinary sign of fulfilling my heart's desire. To me it was a magical enchantment that filled me with a childlike wonderment and joy. It was an inspiring sight  to strongly hold on to hope, to believe without a shadow of doubt that even when everything falls  in pieces around me and inside me; I had to be strong enough to face my pains head on. A double rainbow to me was a sight of believing in the miracles and magic of life's moments and to trust my vibes.

The face of being faceless.

When you look at life's journey and the chain of events, a story begins when each is responsible for the ones caused and the next one. It may be tough and ugly at times, but the journey and the outcome is what matters in the end.

It may be an ironic truth that a man is sometimes rendered faceless by others.  He may have become a 'no one’, an entirely different person. Who is the cause? It is a big question mark that needs to be introspected. For some it may be a mission. For some it may have been forced upon. Whatsoever the reason, it becomes a painful and transforming one, knowing who is who in the end.

The act of being faceless may be due to a deep question asked by somebody. It may be the vulnerability, the act of being judged, etc that rendered a man faceless. In the wake of lurking uncertainties, you weave a cocoon around, so that you have the time to tear away the mask of becoming faceless. What makes them so and why are they guarded. This is a million dollar question each asks oneself, when rendered faceless due to innumerable reasons.

You sometimes feel unsettled out of the blue; drained and depleted, due to something unpleasant that happened in the journey of life. It is not your fault, yet you feel responsible. It is a phase of ironic truth that is heart and soul wrenching; of the identity of 'you' in yourself. It is an ultimate truth of probably becoming a 'nobody' in the journey of life.