The heart is believed to be the strongest muscle in the human body.
Perhaps that's the reason why it is able to withstand the use, misuse and
abuse, with strength and courage. But like everything else, isn't there a limit
to which it can endure? Is it the perspective of setting your priorities right?
A lot of questions hang around my rebelling mind. I have always believed that
the pain I feel today will be my strength tomorrow. I have always been a
warrior, but does that make me less vulnerable or open to the weakening of the
heart or the body? Sometimes it is the poison of the words that numbs the heart
and soul, that makes me wish that I had a big whole where my heart is. But the
empty spaces of my life stare at me. I kick start my survival mode to protect
the emptiness that creeps into me. Emptiness seems to be atrophy, feeling
numbed all over.
Am I creating a wall around my heart? The answer would be a big no, to
be true to myself. When the heart is used and abused and misused, it gives
warning signals, if you care to pay attention to. Now my heart is giving me an
ultimatum. I decide to let go and move on, though there is a lot of pain and
hurt. I decide to open my heart to things that make me alive, and not get
weakened by the stings. It is easier said than done, but nothing is impossible;
though it takes time.
"Grow your heart by learning from the pain and continuing
on. Continue on as before, loving as deeply as you can." The emotions
of the mind and heart can be controlled, but the working of the heart needs
time to recuperate. The pain still comes, soft and far between. My eyes
still tear. But now, it’s for the gratitude, for the biggest lesson, for the
little piece of my heart that tells me, "You are a fighter
and you are going to be fine."
The body tells the heart to slow down; the heart tells the mind and body
to slow down. If I don't take care of my heart, none will. I wake up to an
awakening of putting myself first, living my moments for the little things that
give me joy and finding magic in "The moment", something I keep being
reminded by the butterflies that visit me.
Do I take care of my family? It goes without saying. Do I take care of
my home? Of course, I do. Do I take care of my heart? Probably not.
I have found
my sanctuaries to relax and just be. I always fully acknowledged the present in
its entirety—every aspect, including the playful, joyful moments, and the
uncomfortable, challenging ones; taking it as the inevitable. I found my space
to re-connect to myself learning to let go of everything, trying to get rid of
my inner barriers, being gentler to myself. I ask myself when is the last time
that I acknowledged the feelings that were asking for my attention. How do take
care of myself from the inside out without depending on any outside force, so
that I can fully feel alive.
It is a self disciplining to make life easy for me and others. A journey
I undertake for my well being and to gain strength physically, mentally and
emotionally.
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