HEALING HEARTS

HEALING HEARTS

“Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.”

This quote takes me down my memory lane, when my son was just one year old. It was then, We noticed my son’s right eye pupil was white in colour. I told the elders at home about it, but they brushed it aside saying it was just my feeling. Later on when cousins started noticing it and asking about it, we got worried, so also everyone at home. It was at that time I went to meet my uncle and his son-in-law happened to be there. I told him about it, he saw my son’s eye and started scolding me for not taking him to an eye specialist till then…I was advised to take him immediately to Dr. Tony Fernandez At Angamaly hospital.

We got an appointment with the influence of the bank where my cousin and hubby worked, and went to meet him with my son. He said he would first check his left eye and if he found it to be normal only, would he check his right eye.He found his left eye to be normal, so he told us to go the next day for a complete check up of his right eye. We went at the appointed time, and my son was taken for the tests. We waited with trepidation for the doctor to give the result. After all the tests, he called me in and told me that my son had juvenile cataract, which was there from the time of birth. Since that eye was not being used and no light had passed through his pupil, he said there were chances that his retina also could be dead. When a baby gets it only in one eye, it becomes difficult to find out whether he has vision in one eye, if both eyes were affected, we get to know fast. He told me he would operate that eye and then decide on further treatment.

The date of surgery was fixed and we got him admitted on that date. The surgery was done and his left eye was bandaged..The doctor told me that his retina and nerves were dead. He advised us to try and make him use that eye later on by closing his other eye, which was really very difficult, for a one year old to do. Keeping him still was a difficult task for us. All this was like a bolt from the blue. Still I took it as one of life’s challenges.

Mine being a premature delivery, I had returned home without my babies, who were in the incubator, not knowing if I will get them back alive. Being twins, both of them together were only 3kg. All this had pushed me to the edge, but I preferred to stay strong under all circumstances. May be this was also a cause for his cataract.

Coming back to the point, within one month of his eye surgery, the cataract came back as if it refused to leave him. Doctor told us another surgery could be done only after six months. So we went after six months, and it was removed again and he implanted a lens to help him exercise and try to get at least a little vision back. We used to make him wear a specks, close his good eye and make him walk by calling out to him. It used to choke me up to see him banging against everything that was on his right side. The stubborn cataract reappeared on his lens and he had to undergo a third surgery, three surgeries in eighteen months. After that, I think the cataract itself felt pity for the boy.

When I used to be in the hospital with him, I used to see different aged people undergoing cataract treatment. One particular doctor from Vizag was surprised to hear about my son, and he said he was feeling bad that he got it in his late 40’s. It was like everyone saying, “OMG”, cataract at this age. It was during my third stay that I saw a boy of my son’s age with cataract in both his eyes. He could see just the shadow of everyone and everything. It was very difficult to my son in one place, he would run around the hospital corridor. This, other boy too played with him. He used to bang against everything as he ran around. His mother would be crying seeing that. They had come for an eye transplant of one eye. I started thanking God for His little blessings. I was better off than many others there.

As my son grew up, I used to have problems, at school too, with his hindi. We never made him feel that it was a handicap. Later on , he used to get pain in the right eye and the doctor told us that it was because the brain was forcing him to use the right eye too. He too understood that he had vision only in one eye. But it never bothered him nor was it a hindrance for him when he took part in all extracurricular activities. Doctors too told me to just leave him alone, not to trouble him by taking him anywhere for a checkup. Only when he had an infection I used to take him.

Today I am happy that he has grown up with the fact that he is blind in one eye. He is like any other person of his age. He doesn’t feel bad when people ask him about his lens in his right eye. I am grateful to God for the little allowances and blessings that he sends my way. I never compare my life to that of others. I have always fought my way out in life and am proud to say that my son too has fought it out. It is always better to face the challenges of life than to sit and brood or cry over it. We make our life more miserable by crying over it. When we stand up to face it, we overcome it and feel happy that we are not bowing down to the harsh realities of life. I have now learnt to count my blessings, rather than cry over the problems.

To understand any living being, you must creep within and feel the beating of the heart.