The waxing and waning of life.

"Nothing that is can pause or stay. The moon will wax, the moon will wan, the mist and cloud will turn to rain, the rain will turn to mist and cloud again. Tomorrow will be today." Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

The waxing and waning of the moon is similar to your thoughts and life. If you are waxing probably you are feeling strong, optimistic and positive. But if you are waning you are frustrated, pessimistic and feeling stuck in life. Wax or wane, is a million dollar question. Isn't life a combination of both, waxing is the good times when you grow stronger and grow in life, whereas waning is the challenging times, where some grow frustrated and get into self pity and some stand up and fight like a warrior. It may increase build and grow with a positive drive or diminish and destroy with a negative drive. But if you take it with a positive note, the waxing and waning is a period of reflection and a period to release the negative vibes out and bring in the positive vibes. You cannot wane constantly and give up. A time to let go of what you cannot change in life, and alleviate yourself to fight out all the challenges of life without negativity of any kind. It lets you cleanse your soul with only positive thoughts. The beauty of waxing and waning is that it is a reminder of change and constancy, which only you can do.

The waxing and waning is also like the uncertainty of thoughts and life, that may be wavering at times creating a confusion in your mind. But if you are positive, why falter in life or thoughts? All go through this kind of alarming thoughts, that tend to shake your fortress. Easy to say it is up to you to shake it off, difficult to practice but not impossible. Some things fill us with doubts, that linger on for a while. Life sometimes takes you through grueling experiences, that does tend to make you exhausted, but your will power can make you come out of it and that is all that matters.

On a new moon day, it is dark, but it is not the end of the world. Slowly the moon starts waxing to say that all is not lost, there is hope and to have patience. So are the dark days and challenges of life. When you come out surviving it life becomes beautiful like the full moon. It is equally painful to go through dark days after having lived a beautiful life. Again it is hope that drives you forward. Even if your life is in pain and shambles, it is up to you to come out of it in flying colors. That is possible only through you grit and perseverance. Sometimes you see only waning in life, through challenges and obstacle. Still if you look around, you can see thousands of little things that make up for all that you have gone through.

It is difficult to say without being harsh that self pity is a very selfish feeling. Those that regularly engage in self pity are miserable and pull others too down, making them unhappy. Separating self pity from depression and grief is difficult. Those that take to self pity thrive only on the sympathy of others because in that sympathy they find happiness and pleasant feelings, a way of demanding support and encouragement. Unfortunately this dependency  is always short lived and wears out easily. Feeling low is like sandpaper on the mind, annoying and harmful to self, because constant self pity out balances the positive streak into negatives. When you fight   the negatives to bring in the positives, you start hating sympathy and self pity. You are able to fight out all pains and challenges with a smile. It is natural for any human being to feel low, but it depends only on you, how fast you come out of it.

I connect to my inner self and my life when I think of waxing and waning, the thoughts that stem from day to day happenings of life, moving back and forth between ground reality and the deep impressions in my mind. Gazing at a moonlit sky, realizing how fleeting life is and  silly  the concerns that I have.

"A moonlit night's splendor,
Viewing it veiled by trees in radiance,
Clouds holding its venue,
My soul reaching out with a smile,
The dark sky that is aglow,
With the moon so big and bright,
Making my heart surrender,
To the waxing and waning,
Just like the journey of life."

The waxing and waning of life.

"Nothing that is can pause or stay. The moon will wax, the moon will wan, the mist and cloud will turn to rain, the rain will turn to mist and cloud again. Tomorrow will be today." Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

The waxing and waning of the moon is similar to your thoughts and life. If you are waxing probably you are feeling strong, optimistic and positive. But if you are waning you are frustrated, pessimistic and feeling stuck in life. Wax or wane, is a million dollar question. Isn't life a combination of both, waxing is the good times when you grow stronger and grow in life, whereas waning is the challenging times, where some grow frustrated and get into self pity and some stand up and fight like a warrior. It may increase build and grow with a positive drive or diminish and destroy with a negative drive. But if you take it with a positive note, the waxing and waning is a period of reflection and a period to release the negative vibes out and bring in the positive vibes. You cannot wane constantly and give up. A time to let go of what you cannot change in life, and alleviate yourself to fight out all the challenges of life without negativity of any kind. It lets you cleanse your soul with only positive thoughts. The beauty of waxing and waning is that it is a reminder of change and constancy, which only you can do.

The waxing and waning is also like the uncertainty of thoughts and life, that may be wavering at times creating a confusion in your mind. But if you are positive, why falter in life or thoughts? All go through this kind of alarming thoughts, that tend to shake your fortress. Easy to say it is up to you to shake it off, difficult to practice but not impossible. Some things fill us with doubts, that linger on for a while. Life sometimes takes you through grueling experiences, that does tend to make you exhausted, but your will power can make you come out of it and that is all that matters.

On a new moon day, it is dark, but it is not the end of the world. Slowly the moon starts waxing to say that all is not lost, there is hope and to have patience. So are the dark days and challenges of life. When you come out surviving it life becomes beautiful like the full moon. It is equally painful to go through dark days after having lived a beautiful life. Again it is hope that drives you forward. Even if your life is in pain and shambles, it is up to you to come out of it in flying colors. That is possible only through you grit and perseverance. Sometimes you see only waning in life, through challenges and obstacle. Still if you look around, you can see thousands of little things that make up for all that you have gone through.

It is difficult to say without being harsh that self pity is a very selfish feeling. Those that regularly engage in self pity are miserable and pull others too down, making them unhappy. Separating self pity from depression and grief is difficult. Those that take to self pity thrive only on the sympathy of others because in that sympathy they find happiness and pleasant feelings, a way of demanding support and encouragement. Unfortunately this dependency  is always short lived and wears out easily. Feeling low is like sandpaper on the mind, annoying and harmful to self, because constant self pity out balances the positive streak into negatives. When you fight   the negatives to bring in the positives, you start hating sympathy and self pity. You are able to fight out all pains and challenges with a smile. It is natural for any human being to feel low, but it depends only on you, how fast you come out of it.

I connect to my inner self and my life when I think of waxing and waning, the thoughts that stem from day to day happenings of life, moving back and forth between ground reality and the deep impressions in my mind. Gazing at a moonlit sky, realizing how fleeting life is and  silly  the concerns that I have.

"A moonlit night's splendor,
Viewing it veiled by trees in radiance,
Clouds holding its venue,
My soul reaching out with a smile,
The dark sky that is aglow,
With the moon so big and bright,
Making my heart surrender,
To the waxing and waning,
Just like the journey of life."

The tree of Life.

 The tree of life  is a magical concept of life that transcends the reality, touching the subconscious beyond the undefined and is a source of strength. Its meaning is varied and in various forms. It does ignite the imagination and bring out vivid images as a quest in a man's mind. Trees present many analogies to human development, representing a lot of things like wisdom, protection, strength, bounty, beauty and redemption and the art of giving selflessly. The tree depicts the true self as a positive symbol both in spirits and body.

A tree needs soil, water, air and sun to survive and so do human beings. Man is like a tree capable of withstanding any storm or challenges without complaining, but it differs from man to man. Though vulnerable to all the trends, knows how to deal with it. A tree is never dead, similarly mental catastrophe hits, but if deprived of a positive drive, everything is finished. Just as trees undergo season changes, man too experiences them. After undergoing drastic changes in autumn that makes it lifeless, when beautiful spring falls, it becomes lively and rejuvenated with beautiful branches, leaves, flowers and fruits that are regenerated. They regain beauty and  for man too after tough times good tidings flow into life.

Sitting in my empty nest, going through the contemplative journey of life, quietly reflecting I started wondering if age was catching on or if it was my health that made me sensitive and sentimental. Time and again, the threat and challenges that came to weaken my very foundation and my hard built fortress of strength, could be the reason for such thoughts. Fighting my worst battle of life, where my mind and body, were at loggerheads. My emotions playing havoc and trying to make me a wreck.  So I decided to shake it off by restarting all that I loved doing the most. There was a time I used to do a lot of embroidery and craft work, that I gifted my friends and loved ones. I decided to get back to it, little at a time, not exerting my hands; then reading and writing which I love. My hubby expressed surprise at my irritability and according to him 'cribbing' from a person who was a cool cucumber. For a second I felt I was being taken for granted and nobody was understanding my inner fight and struggle with cancer, nor the trauma I was going through; my duty was to just keep performing without a murmur whatsoever.

My realization came by, when I thought why in the first place I was expecting others to understand my pain. My pain was and is my own, a fight with myself, my mind, heart, body and cancer. I decided to fight it out alone with myself, expecting very little  or nothing at all and find my joy in what I do and in fulfilling my little dreams, keeping a detached attachment with everyone. There is a framed photograph of a tree presented to me by one of my brats and another one by my bedside of a lone tree, which fills me with a kind of peace whenever I look at it. I sat looking at it for sometime and thought why not take the concept of that tree. A tree and man are always inter-dependent for many things, but be like a tree without mental dependency. Then you are able to carry on, facing everything in life with a glowing smile. I will not allow myself to get unnerved in such a way that my loved ones feel the brunt of it or weaken my fortress of strength whatever happens. A rebel and born fighter who likes to question every why, what, when, who, where and how, decided to follow the 'Five W's of life'. The quote says,
"WHO you are is what makes you special, do not change for anyone.
WHAT lies ahead will always be a mystery. Do not be afraid to explore.
WHEN life pushes you over, push back even harder.
WHERE there are choices to make, make the one you won't regret.
WHY things happen will never be certain. Take it in your stride and move forward."
I decided to be a solace, strong fortress of strength to my loved ones with a strong and loving clasp allowing them a lot of space, that always makes them  return seeking it, feeling secure and expecting nothing in return.

I am not worried about what others think of me or talk about me. My life and my fight is mine alone. I will keep doing my part always, not worrying about anything. This is not a boundary to protect myself, but not to hurt others. It is just trying to  control  the heart with my mind, because my loved ones are my only weakness, where my fight is the toughest.. In my fight with life, I learnt that I could learn a lot from nature. That is how I compared life to a tree,  rain,  dewdrops, the sea, the river, the fallen leaves and sunsets. There are many other sources of inspiration from nature. It gives me a sense of peace and oneness. I don't want to be a slave to my feelings, but one who balances it in all ways.

Whenever one flies away from my nest to grow in life, the absence and presence, makes me miss and feel about it and I don't hear anything from them. But I detach myself from that feeling, so that it doesn't grow inside me to make me miserable.  I find ways to come out of it and make an effort to fight out those feelings and get used to it. I would rather fight it out even though I miss them. It is the greatest asset to be able to navigate your emotions  and turn it to a purely positive one.

The cherished precious moments of life.

"Precious moments are like dewdrops, cherish them before they are gone with the morning sun, for someday when you look back those may be all that you have."

How true it is in this fast paced life, where all are in a rat race and you have let moments of your life pass by just like that. Memories are precious moments that you wrap closely around your heart in delicate ribbons, the ones that are not held dear to you, unties itself naturally. Memories warm you from the inside, when the shadows of bygone days tend to haunt. Precious moments of time and place, bring joy to your hearts and smiles to your face, remembering back on the years that just fled. They are like flash heads from the heart, which remind you of the roads traveled, the places and people who touches your heart along life's journey.  Cherish those precious moments because they did not happen by plan or design, but by feelings, hunch, chance, fate or destiny.

When you look at life with wonder, everything around you is like a miracle. Be cheerful when you ride the roller coaster of life,  appreciating only the lovely moments with an optimistic and positive attitude. Take life as an adventure, laugh, smile,  bring magic moments and create memories that lasts a lifetime. Life is precious and appreciate the special moments of life. You always treasure those rare moments that took you unawares. In today's tumultuous and challenging times, the real reasons why you work so hard for the joy and comfort for your loved ones is often overlooked. It is the fulfillment of those dreams for your loved ones that become a source of joy and a moment that is most cherished.

You go through the entire day, in oblivion to the small joys and those precious moments that surround you. Take a moment to look around in the busy life when you are struggling to stay afloat, and the constant pressure brings about a subtle numbness that tends to take hold of your life. The tyranny of such times makes you push aside the precious moments around you and harp only on your negative moment only, but that makes life an utter disaster. Life is always unpredictable, but instead of always reminiscing over the lovely moments of life, the tendency is to curse the testing times. Life is always made  up of special moments that makes it worth living and it is a sad irony that we miss them due to the stress of the fast paced daily life.

The most precious moment of my life is when I held my twins for the first time after almost a month, though I went through the biggest fight of my life when I left them in the neonatal ward and left the hospital not knowing if I would get them alive.  The most special and precious moment is when I held my granddaughter as it was the completion of my womanhood. As Shing xiong quotes, " In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away." Each moment of your life is a picture, that you have not seen before, will not see again, so make use of it and make it beautiful.

Another most special and precious moment of my life is meeting that someone, an unforeseen bond that came from nowhere to be a dear son to me. Unforeseen bond and moments with them always takes one by surprise taking your breath away.  It is still a fond memory of precious moments, meeting his family and my little friend, his son who just came running out of the car to hug me, something that filled me with a warmth and wonder. The wonderful journey and the time I spent with them, playfully teasing and talking, making it an enhanced bond of life. I consider it a joy and blessing sent my way to always treasure in my heart, the unforeseen bond and affection.

I have realized how precious life is though it is  tenuous  and fragile. In times of pain, I love to recapture those beautiful moments of life that were sent to me as little blessings before any challenging times. When I think of such precious moments, it is my friend's surprise visit from Noida  when  I had shaved my head after Chemotherapy, that comes to my mind. She had come to see me after hearing of my cancer and her playful comments of my serene look without hair. Her surprise cake that year after my surgery, on my birthday. There are other moments, when my friend, colleague, and a friend for life, used to come daily to the hospital, whenever I was hospitalized, scolding me like a mother for not looking after myself and used to feed me, saying I wouldn't eat otherwise. I cherish those moments,  a sudden peck on my cheeks, by some friends who are like my daughters.

I hold dear those phone calls of a great friend, and value the times I have met her and I always look forward to all weekends, without fail, little moments of immense joy, sent my way as a blessing. The biggest surprise and joy of my life  I really hold dear is the moment, on my star birthday in Kerala, when I entered home from the temple with my brother and my friend appeared before me. I really looked at her in disbelief, open mouthed, squealed in delight and hugged her. A perfect birthday gift  . She had messaged me in what's app the previous night and never breathed a word that she was in Trichur. My family members were surprised watching my excitement and squeal, from an otherwise cool person.

There are so many other moments, that gave me immense joy,  little surprises from friends, precious moments to reminisce during my painful days.  I really think those moments special and blessed, when I went to a friend's house and met her invalid daughter who can only feel and hear someone around. When I gave her my finger, she just held on to them and the reciprocation I got caressing her forehead is one I still remember with goosebumps.

My birthday, with surprises from my sons, a bouquet and cake to celebrate that day after midnight, surprise calls, bouquet of  roses and many little joys, to fight the pains of my life that is aplenty in my life. But my little joys are umpteen that it surpasses all pains. I always look around for little joys around me, in being one with nature capturing those moments and things I see and find immense happiness in it. I believe in savoring moments of my life. Life is always puzzling, bringing the unknown together, creating unforeseen bonds, that make life beautiful and a blessing of joy to soothe the pains and challenges that take you unawares.

"Life is not made up of minutes, hours, weeks, months or years, but of moments. You must experience each one before you can appreciate it." Sarah Ban Breathnach.

Balancing the tightrope walk of life.

A caption about a tightrope scenario and how we balance to it, was a  reminder that made me think deeply, for a few days, though my life had always been a tightrope walk. Life is in fact a balancing act on  a tightrope, be it how you live, how you face calamities that lashes out at you time and again, your psychological conditions or the way you deal with the atmosphere at home and work.  It is also looking inward and finding joy; looking outward in a positive way even when negatives try to break you up. There is no easy way out , you have to trudge carefully without faltering and making your way across in life.

Excuses for facing problems are custom-made for every situation if you wish to turn and run away from it. It is difficult to maintain your poise in all situations, but not impossible, if you give it a try without just finding an escape from everything. You have to stay attuned in life. As Alexandar Hemon quotes, " There are moments in life when it is all turned inside out-- what is real becomes unreal, what is unreal becomes tangible, and all your levelheaded efforts to keep a tight ontological control are rendered silly and indulgent." Still we try to keep a balance in life and that is an art, an outcome of being able to face anything with a cool head.


Life is always a balancing act. It is a tightrope walk where you tend to stumble often. But it also means maintaining balance between the opposite situations of life, by proceeding cautiously, in order to face both equally. The act of maintaining balance  is in fact a great principal in real life. Sometimes you have to find a balance between two contrary mental states. You come across hundreds of such situations in your daily life. The biggest hurdle is the faith to believe that you can do it. You need to focus on the efforts and place your steps on the tightrope of belief.

Life is indeed like walking on a tightrope. If you tend to lean towards one side only, you may falter and fall. So to save yourself you have to refrain from leaning and then maintain balance till the other end of life. And that is the only formula for a safe journey through life. When you look at life as a book of words, you can only improve the quality of life.  But as a book of wisdom, it is a chance to go through life victoriously, while you remain unaffected by the challenges of life. All  have desires, even when life is full of realities and you have to keep a balance between the two and that is the real art of life.

On a balance, life is same for all, situations may vary, but all have to adopt the balancing act to live life well. Life does become precarious between balancing and living through a tightrope walk. Losing the balance may land you in an abyss of confusion, despair or self-pity, but everything depends on how you take it or how fast you regain your composure to do the balancing act again.  Our very existence is a fight between duality in all aspects of life. It is always exciting to face all challenges and overcome them.  It is also a balancing between facing a great news and a terrible malady with calmness and serenity.  All have feelings, all cry or laugh, but it is one of the wonders of life being able to stand tall and face everything. It is always an outlook for balanced choices and consequences.

A tightrope walker would have fallen many times, but it is knowing the risk that is involved and moving forward with courage, will and determination that makes it possible to go through it. With every imbalance and fall, it is the lesson learnt with a positive attitude, that makes the walk a continuous one, realizing the beauty and meaning of every moment, be it favorable or unfavorable one. The balance  a tightrope walk comes from understanding, tolerance and belief in life. The vital part of life that makes balancing possible is clarity of thought and the philosophy of facing the journey maintaining the ability to learn from experience,  continue with a positive attitude, to be alert and totally focused. To balance life between all the things you want versus your obligations between family and friends, while still being able to find time for yourself is the greatest feat in today's fast paced competitive  lifestyle.

Life being a tightrope walk, you may walk across half, turn back and run, fall or keep going across with full composure. Some situations may turn out very difficult to handle, you may burst out in anger or just face it whatever it may turn out to be. At times it seems difficult to handle when you mind and body are at crossroads. But the situation has to be faced, sometimes it may unnerve you, but the only solution is to face it with a positive attitude. It is a tightrope walk between facing pain and celebrating pain. The facing  of a tricky situation without getting into a tight spot or in danger. An equilibrium between holding on tightly to the positives when you are constantly  tortured by the negatives. A negotiation of our way through the situations of life with hope. In short, it is that moment,  where it is just you and the tightrope you must traverse, keeping you mind focused,  balancing between the people and situations in your life.

"We come into this world head first and go out feet first; in between, it is all a matter of balance." Paul Boese

Living life beyond cancer.

Turning  the negatives into positives is the greatest challenge of life. Living life with the threat of 'Triple negative breast cancer'  challenges life. Surviving it with hope converting all the pains and fights into a celebration of life itself, makes you value life and enjoy every moment. It is a great achievement to survive and celebrate all your pains with a smile.  Dealing with cancer is the greatest challenge, that goes on for quite sometime, and a great challenge too,  especially for those who carry the abnormal inherited breast cancer susceptible  'gene'  because they tend to recur , being prone to its attack more frequently . Breast cancer in fact is a family of diseases,  some aggressive, some advanced, some deadly but the 'can' in cancer beats all if you have the will to fight. Each person has a way of dealing with the threat of cancer, just like no two persons are the same, the dealing with it too differs.

Cancer changes your life, often for the better. In any illness, the most important thing is never to lose heart. You need to be cheerful and positive to support not only your mind but the body also. Many experience significant emotional and physical changes. While few see a hopeless end to life, others see a rainbow of hope. Life is mostly focusing on the challenges rather than the fright it may give. Cancer is a life changing obstacle that can be overcome with perseverance and courage. You have to be constantly vigilant for signs of any recurrence, without really being anxious over some of the physical changes and by listening to your body.

Walking and breathing helps you to learn a wonderful way of being a survivor. Everyone's journey through cancer is unique and knowing that others too have gone through the same can give strength and inspiration to keep everything in perspective.  When something happens in your life, you can let it define you, destroy you,  strengthen you or wallow in self pity. Life is always a beautiful struggle when you know how to celebrate pain. Cancer makes you realize that the most beautiful music is that of your heartbeats, because it gives you an assurance of your survival against all odds in the journey of life. The key to your survival  and improving the quality of your life is to understand 'cancer.'

Cancer is not a death sentence, although it means a lot to many. It does not stop your world nor life  and no disease can do it. You have the choice to turn it around so that it is a new learning experience to overcome and take charge of your body by not becoming a victim. Cancer treatment does put you into a thought process when you start wondering what's happening inside you. There are times you start laughing over things and then end up in tears without even knowing it or wanting it, a total confusion of your emotions. It is up to you to overcome it with a positive feeling that nothing can ever touch you. A confidence that everything is just fine and the best feeling is when you get out of that 'rock bottom' state.

Cancer teaches you to live beyond it by looking at life differently, to do things that you have been yearning, visit places that you may have dreamed of, fulfillment of a dream and most importantly to stay positive always. It is exciting to think about it, but you need others to understand what you have gone through and your fight against cancer. The understanding does help you fight against all maladies, though it is solely your own fight for life. Sometimes you don't understand your own emotions because it is a constant struggle between your body and mind. The best solution to get out of it is to do what you have been yearning to do, something that gives you immense joy to overcome everything you are fighting out.

Recovering from an illness or surgery is a pathway to finding your inner power and radiance. Your commitment to life depends on your own ability to digest it and how you feel waking up to a day of pain and how to relate to it. The radiance is there in you to your inner light and power of fighting all challenges that come your way. You will never know the value of finding joy in little things if you have not known pain. To put it in a nutshell, you have to experience a blend of pain and joy to know the real value of life. More than the journey through cancer, look forward to a life beyond cancer with a positive radiance. Your mind can create a positive light, with a consistent and strong positive attitude.

"Nothing in life should be taken for granted
By a Cancer Survivor

I know there is nothing in life you should take for granted.
I know which battles I can fight and which ones I don't need to.
I know the difference between important and irrelevant.
I know every second I waste, is a second I'll never get back.
I know I can have scars and still be beautiful.
I know my life is just as valuable after cancer as it was before, even if life insurance companies feel differently.
I know the difference between romance and real love.
I know that an hour in traffic is much shorter than an hour waiting for results.
I know that there is something I can learn from everything I am faced with.
I know true strength has nothing to do with how strong you are.
I know that people are all good and kind, even if sometimes we all don't act that way.
I am here for a good time, a long time, so I better make the best use of it.
I know one day, I won't be here, but I am lucky to be here now."

Raindrops that glisten and echo through my memory.

"Do you love to run in the rain, splash around and get drenched?"

The onset of rains can always bring a twinkle in the eyes and a smile on your face. The smell of the wet soil, the damp grass and the feel of puddles under your feet makes you want to run in the rain with abandon, feeling the drops fall on your face, letting the rain beat upon your head singing a lullaby and the joy of getting drenched to the skin is  an inexplicably beautiful feeling to experience. Raindrops are refreshing and soothing to your mind, body and soul. Rain is one of the most beautiful moments of nature, than can enhance you. Nature bestows you in many forms, each different and varying in its beauty. Rain is one of those beautiful moments, which gives a feeling of joy and consolation in a sad moment or when you are in pain.  It  also gives relief and solace.

A raindrop is one of the most beautiful of natural phenomenon. It is one of earth's most precious gifts. In reality, rain makes everything beautiful. 'The sun enables life, the rain grants its safe passage.' On a long drive watching the raindrops hitting the windscreen with a constant patter, rolling and tumbling as they dive on it gives a soothing feeling. The raindrops fall  either  slanted or straight making them look like liquid crystal beads that collide against the windscreen. They make pretty patterns on the windscreen as they fall and roll off. The drops on the windscreen reflects the world around it and that is a beautiful sight to behold.

What is it that you admire and appreciate about rain? Something very pleasant on a lazy day? A day to pursue your most favorite activity in life? Just watching the rain through the window or a day to unwind yourself running through the rain, splashing the puddles? Rain may be another moment of love, joy or any other emotion. Rain is a companion who lets you share all your emotions. It is truly magnificent when you listen to the fall of rain. The uneven sounds that it makes pounding hard against the window makes your heart beat faster and the smell of rain just intoxicates you. It is also so refreshing to watch the rainfall  and its dribble on the windowpane, filling you with a sense of peace as they flow down  and make a pool on the sill. When you watch something as pure as rain and an imagination to visualize, anything is possible with a positive will power.

When I smell and hear rain coming, I feel so happy deep inside from a time I can remember, a kind of nostalgia.  I love to drench myself in the  rain and it soothes and takes away all my pain. It is so refreshing when it pours and when the rain takes rest, the small streams it has made in every nook and corner is so inviting to make paper boats float in them. I forget myself in utter joy splashing in the puddles that are so tempting. The music made by rain mesmerizes me. I would rather smell the rain, feel it on my face, see it close drenching me, and taste the raindrops than watch it staying indoors. Feeling the raindrops on my face is like a balm that heals the pain in my scared  and bruised body and soul.  When it rains, the childlike spirit in me pulls me into it that my soul cannot resist; and it inspires me, heals me and each drop stands for something worthwhile. Rain and music it makes are that which lifts the inner spirit, inspires and captivates, cleansing the body, heart, mind and soul of all its pain.  It is  motivation, peace, hope, just  name it... and it is all in the mind. I feel all my conflicts and pain dissolving in it and a rainbow of joy encircling around me. I  just love everything about rain.

As quoted by H.W. Longfellow, "Into each life some rain must fall." Life gives us sorrow and challenges, which is an inevitable part of life. You learn to appreciate life. When you accept this fact, you can be prepared and move on with courage instead of wailing, moaning and lamenting about your life. You can survive any storm if you have the will to face it. Rain is a promise of growth and an affirmation of life ahead with hope. Actually every man has troubled times at some point of life, and no one's life is entirely charmed. It holds trials, the only difference is that for some it is an never ending one. If there is no pain, or life is not threatened, one would never appreciate or know the value of life nor the fruits of its labor, efforts, sacrifices and the moments of enduring the pain. So think about the truth of life, its challenges and go through it to make yourself strong enough to withstand it. Welcome the pain that rains on you. and be happy to see that beautiful and colorful rainbow, which made you what you are today!

There is something in rain that cannot be explained, but you can feel it. All rain lovers have it in their soul. For some an overcast sky may be a gloomy expression of their depression. But the fact is that it is an indicator  that pains are short lived and the rains will fall to heal the pains of the parched soul and body.  It symbolizes cleansing  away all your troubles to make way for happy tidings. The pitter-patter sound, the rain makes is endless and listening to it while walking on a misty  day, is magical. It may  sound strange, going for a walk in the drizzle, when everyone else is trying to stay away from the rain, but it is a great feeling of joy.  The raindrops falling all over, on the leaves and flowers, giving reflections of the world around it and those reflections just captivating your soul.  Nature looks more beautiful after a downpour. Rain makes you feel 'LIFE.'  Most of all, it makes you love those moments and takes you on a trip down your memory lane, to all the rainy seasons that you have enjoyed  and cherish from the time you can remember.

"Gazing at the cloudy sky,
Standing under the heavy downpour,
Getting drenched to the skin,
Flashes of lightening from a thundering sky,
Raindrops falling on my face,
Filling the reservoir of my heart,
Soaking my mind, soothing my soul,
Washing away all my pains,
And infusing me with tranquil reflections."

A wishful dream even when pain rained on me.

Our dreams are usually a combination of verbal, visual and emotional stimuli. It is a series of thoughts, images, sensations or  cherished aspirations. I don't remember a beautiful dream which I can think of except for the nightmares that comes haunting me of an impending illness or trouble either for my loved ones or for myself. It is like a kind of premonition that something unpleasant is on my way and to be prepared for it. It may be an omen or insight according to what each one believes. A dream may be something to look beyond the obvious.  

But a beautiful dream when pain rains on your body, making you toss and turn in bed and then finally slip into a deep slumber, it is like a coolant over you.  I found myself travelling a train that looked like a home on wheels, through a picturesque terrain. I found myself holding my breath at the beauty of nature, the hypnotic effect it had on me who was writhing in pain. It was the beauty of the day, the land through which I was travelling that held me in awe. 

What was striking is that they gave the impression of elusive beauty, with the misty clouds travelling alongside making you feel happy and giving a feel of having heard the melodious songs of all the beautiful birds. The mountains with all its mist, running alongside, wanting me to jump out of the train and trot to the top of the mountain to take a whiff of the fresh  misty air. The sun playing hide and seek, showing me the powerful rays pepping in through the clouds.

When I was lost to the nature surrounding me, I heard a man calling me and he came and sat beside me asking me about my pain. He suddenly asked me, “You smile even in your pain?” Then he quizzed “What is your only wish even in such a situation?” I told  my only wish today that was only growing stronger even in my pain, he smiled and just left with a smile saying, “So be it.”

I don’t know what dreams mean nor the interpretations of them, but I do believe in little blessings that come my way. And I find my happiness in it. Today's pains are forgotten tomorrow, but moments of joy remain a memory forever. I look forward to live every moment of my life fully with joy.

My daily rendezvous with nature as I glance into the sunset of life.

Sunsets are always magical. It is a miracle, medicine and a mystery. Some sunsets stand out vividly and gloriously in our memory, touching the very core of our life. Watching a sunset can be a healer of all your pains. On some days the sun’s rays, the clouds and the tints of the sky, holds you long enough that makes you so impressed that its influence is diffused through your heart. You may not have watched a sunset for a long time, or glanced at or gazed upon it or paid attention to ponder over it. Shakespeare says that sunsets are soft, tender and beautiful; it is what you need at the end of any day.  Nature hangs up a beautiful picture to cheer your hearts, giving a great splash of colors to create hope and joy. Sunset is a magical mystery. The sun is most beautiful on the horizon than over your heads. It is a mystery that a thing so resplendently beautiful is made of vibrations and dust particles and movement of vapor. The stupendous miracle is due to reflection, refraction, radiation and absorption, creating an array of colors in the sky.

There is a deep meaning in sunsets. It can relate to your life whether happy or sad. Every time you pass by and witness the ebbing sun, you gaze at it and feel consoled. Every sunset is different. The sun going down behind the clouds create a backdrop with an array of colors. The sky turns fiery red in the golden glow. It is a breathtaking sight to behold. A sunset is also connecting to the deeper part of you in an amazing way. Sometimes you are mesmerized by the rainbow colors the sun reflects when it is captured by the dark grey clouds. All the fluffy white clouds around it get the reflection of the rainbow colors and then they merge to become one. It is truly amazing to watch the curtain of twilight fall with an array of colors.

Actually the last third of life is known as sunset years. You can take in the brilliantly beautiful colors that the setting sun has on you and then the calmness and softness with which the sun sinks below the horizon. The sun’s energy and light doesn't go anywhere, it just goes away from our view. During sunset years too like the sunset, it is calm and peaceful, giving color and hope of a new day and a life with quiet dignity and wisdom. Like the retired years of life, the end of the day also is marked by sunset and twilight. It is again portrayed beautifully as a great time to reflect on life’s wonders, miracles and blessings. Watching the sunset is a pain killer, it gives confidence that a new day will dawn in a little while, making you feel that your life is colourfully filled with hope.

You have to admire the wonders of sunset.  They are always breathtaking. All those who have felt moved by sunset can get dumbstruck at the swirling colors that represent its  beauty. Just like these sunsets, some changes take time to develop, while others appear out of nowhere. You may not control the changes but you can learn to see the beauty in each contrast and color as in life. Sunsets are really not an end, but a beginning. It is a time to work and renew. Everything needs rest, time to time. A sunset is never a single color or same color. Every new shade adds to the beauty of the sunset. So is the unique story of your life and your unique gifts of life, which adds beauty to the world around you.  Always the sun dips in and reflects through the clouds hues of different bright colors and then the entire rainbow colors are there to lighten up the twilight sky. Make use of the now, just like your very unique existence. You have never been older nor will you become this young again. When sunset of life comes, each waning ray of light is a hope. Everyone has a sunset point in life. The sunset of life is not the end of your life. It is that quiet life in growing gracefully with age.

You can be mesmerized by the beautiful sunset, if you care to notice it. There is nothing more beautiful than a sunset at the end of a tiring day. The sun, partly covered with dark grey clouds turning into a red disk and dipping down behind those clouds, displaying a fiery red orb of light with threads of red shade lingering between the moving clouds is a breathtaking sight to take away all your pains of the day. If you stop to look at one of the most beautiful sights, that are overlooked, at the end of each day, you realize how breathtaking each sunset is. You do think about the sunset of life with a heart that is anchored with hope. The sun when it dips below the horizon, it is fleeting but one to be remembered forever.

The sunsets are sometimes landscapes of a heart or the whisper of a lonely heart. It is so magnificently moving, to the heart, soul and mind to see the sun caught up in a heart shaped mouth of a huge cloud and emanating yellow rays out, silhouetted in fluffy white clouds with pink hues.  It is just a yellow big ball that disappears behind dark grey clouds on another day, with the sky displaying different formations of the clouds and looking like a swarm of bees going in one direction and then the grey clouds that is considered drab and dull by many, spreading out white rays giving hope to the onlooker. The clouds are sometimes so majestic covering the sky with its fluffy wings as if it were never wings but an all conquering soul, making the sky and life beautiful.

There are days when the clouds are grey and the sun is just above such clouds. The clouds are grey when they are thick and almost black and when it is so they block most of the sun’s rays. The sun is a beautiful yellow ball with yellow rays spreading around it. Slowly it dips into the clouds with only a shade of yellow spreading around it. But as it disappears from view, beautiful white rays radiates in the sky and finally gets surrounded by clouds that parade the sky with an amber shade leaving one awe struck. One day it is a red ball, making us feel it is perched on a tree top, as the sky  displays a curtain of colors with hues of pink, white, yellow and then purple. The sky then lights up as the clouds around turns into a pinkish purple shade with rays of grey, pink and peach spreading across the sky giving a feeling of warmth spreading all over.  

The sunsets are  the hopes of your heart.  Watching one sunset is not like having seen all of them. It is different daily. It is like watching  the different perspectives and moods of the same sun. Sometimes it is a golden yellow ball of flame, slowly  it sets the clouds on fire, and then bursting into a widespread fire in the sky around it, showing nature's amazing artistry. It turns into a splashy palette of colors. It sometimes looks like a volcanic eruption in the sky. One of the most colorful time of the day, as the sun dips into the horizon, marking the end of the day with a spark of hope.  

As Dr. Seuss quotes: “Today is your day. Your mountain is waiting. So.....get on your way!” Life comes with all ups and downs and twists and turns. That’s life. Don’t let a day go by without enjoying in a little way. Take one step closer towards the most splendid and amazing sunset and it will illuminate your life when your mind is all set to shine in all your challenges. Then your life will be filled with beautiful sunsets. I look forward to my daily rendezvous with sunset and nature. I miss it one day, I feel as if I have missed something really important in my life. It is my healer and solace.  I love to take a glimpse of the sky ablaze and imprint  the memory of each sunset in my mind, as the sun glides down. I love the sunsets that are always magical and captivating my mind and heart, taking away all my pains and hurts of the day, healing me in many ways with a positive light that always helps me fight my troubles away. It fills me with a positive light with hope of another new day.  

"Behold the fading sun, a life's memory,
The sky ablaze in vibrant splendor,
A splashy palette of colors in final glow,
The fiery sun dipping in grey blanket,
Displaying nature's amazing artistry,
Unfolding  a magical curtain of colored clouds,
To usher in a beautiful moonlit night."

Some lone battles in the journey of life.

Thoughts are the seeds of your action and thoughts are what make you what you are. It is  simply an indication of our life on the whole, in its flow. It is how you stand up against adversities and face it. It is said that if there is light in the soul, there is beauty in it. Sometimes in life's journey you have to walk it alone. It is not that your loved ones are not with you, it is just because some battles in life have to be fought on your own. You have to walk it alone because only you know what it is to fight out the cells that tend to gnaw every now and then into the healthy tissues of your body. In a fight against life, no matter what it hands you out of the blue, you need to be strong and face it head on.

When life gifted me with a triple negative cancer, I was prepared to face the recurrences and fight it out with a never give up attitude. At times the body does become weak, making you quite vulnerable. It is  a long emotional fight with yourself. If you let that feeling take an upper hand, then it victimizes you. It is a lone battle that you have to fight on your own. Instead of becoming a victim of the pain, win it out and live life with a legacy. It may mean fighting with your mind and body, but if there is an inner drive in you to fight it out against all odds, then half your battle is won. It is not a fantasy of life but a stark reality. In life's journey your true courage and personality come out when you have nothing to lose; and your only choice is to face the situation with a smile. There is a 'can' in "cancer', because you can beat it.

I read somewhere a quote - "When you are down and out remember this: That the sun rises for you to give you light, the trees take in your carbon dioxide just so it can give you oxygen and the rain falls to cool you down. Why give up when nature has faith in you?" How true it is. Why give up just like that, when the actual power lies within you to heal yourself with your inner strength? Why stress yourself? Why let others stress you out? Adversities make you strong, it is the journey of the unknown which gives you real strength and the will to face any challenges in life. It is that positive drive in you which weakens even the cells that come to invade the very core of your life. When you are in a lone battle with the creeping crab, it is a life of constant learning, a constant fight with the one which has come to hack your life.

Life sometimes turns out to  be different and also cruel. It may not be things that you wanted to happen. But from that life too you can gain everything you want instead of wallowing in self pity. There is a positive side of learning whatever you may go through in life. You can find happiness and peace in many ways in spite of what you are going through in life, that destiny itself cannot explain. You can find joy in many things even when you are constantly fighting with pain. Your fight with the unknown ways of cancer shows you, how precious and fragile life is. It is like vapor, here today, but gone tomorrow. As long as you are alive, live life fully without moaning about everything.

The wear and tear of your system, sometimes lands you with lot of problems. Though a human body has its own defense mechanisms, time and again you end up going through lot of surgeries and the post operative pains. Every organ of your body is sometimes threatened in more than one way. The biggest and unknown battle of life is the invasion of cancer cells in your body. The  trauma of the surgery, the aftereffects and the pain is like a non ending battle, that you have to fight alone. No one knows what you are going through, hence a lone battle that is fought with your own body both physically and psychologically. The minute you give in to the pain, your battle is lost forever. You have to fight it out every living moment of your life. But at the end of that long tunnel of trauma, when you come out victorious with a smile, you feel that it was worth putting up with all the pains. A lone battle that you fought with yourself enduring all the physical pain and the psychological power to heal yourself in spite of all the challenges. Never let life during any illness, make you regret about the life you lived life before that,  but let it be a dream about the life you will live after you have conquered it.

I  prefer to live a full life, even if my life was a roller coaster ride with lots of ups and downs, twists and turns, not knowing the speed nor what's next - a drop, a sudden turn or a climb over a steep hill. I choose to live without fear , allowing my life to open with an inner power and strength to be a glowing torch, always lighting a fire in the heart to face the unknown with courage and patience. Life always kept me on my toes, being hit by something unexpected, sometimes an emotion, a bruise, a scar  and always many challenges. It is that real life experiences which made me, what I am today, no matter what the battle. It is the mental attitude that makes or breaks life.  Never rent life from others. Fight your own battles, even if you have to fight it out alone. Walk the journey of life with courage, breathe with a strong will and determination on your own. Let your grit and perseverance propel you forward in life. Face everything with hope and courage, challenge it till it leaves you,  lift your spirits when you feel weak and soar high with all your strength and life's energy.

I am thankful for the little mercies God bestows on me, in everything I go through. I find immense joy in little things around me. Being a born fighter I don't like to give in to any pain, but fight it out daily just because it makes me lively and energetic. Life taught me from a very young age to fight my own battles and be my own fortress and power of strength. Why cancer cells invade my body time and again is still an unknown truth - may be it is genetic. Even doctors don't have an answer. The unknown has forever intrigued me and never created a fear in me. I have learned one fact of life and that is never to give in, but to be a born fighter always. In spite of all these battles, I know one day I have to go away from this world. But I will be happy to have fought all my battles as a warrior and never  a victim. Life is always beautiful and it is the unknown that keeps me going.I was, am and will be a tower of strength to my loved ones. I know that I would always be that glowing ember, the one smoldering forever, even in the ashes.