" Pain is a pesky part of being human, I've learned that it feels like a stab wound to the heart, something I wish we all could do without, in our life here. Pain is a sudden hurt that can't be escaped. But then I have also learned that because of pain, I can feel the beauty, tenderness, and feeling of pain. Pain feels like a fast stab wound to the heart. But then healing feels like the wind against your face when you are spreading your wings and flying through the air! We may not have wings growing out of our backs, but healing is the closest thing that will give wind against our faces." C.Joybell.C
When a person like me, apparently known as an 'Epitome of Positivity, goes through a short phase of gnawing pain, emptiness or feeling of being a helpless soul, it is hard for anyone to digest, even for me. I am an optimist and I do believe in being positive always. But am I an 'epitome of positivity', who is refreshing and inspiring I really don't know. I do have the faith that I don't let negative thoughts come that easily to break me. Even the most positive person, has times of uncertainty and weakness, going through a lot of pain physically and emotionally. I have been a born fighter always and still am, but sometimes it does become very difficult to fight a battle and everything else surrounding you.
Have you ever felt so much pain there were no words to describe how you felt?There are times when pain, distress, hurt seem too great to bear; you grasp for words but cannot describe the pain. Sometimes you are filled with an anguish of all sorts and become paralyzed to think clearly or take any positive steps to change a situation. But you interrupt the flooding by holding on to the fact that it is a passing phase. I really believe in what John Burroughs quoted, " I go to nature to be soothed and healed, and to put my senses in order." Nature has a very unique way of healing and soothing your senses. To be one with nature is a great feeling. When I find that all my physical and emotional pains are too much to handle, I feel like packing my bags and getting away to the mountains, to be refreshed by the misty mountains. I remember my Cardiologist telling me, to go to a hill station for a change, to undo all that I have gone through.
I hate the feeling of being miserable, something I have never liked in myself. The biggest battle that goes on inside me. And it is then a fear is born of may be the inevitable, that causes a lot of concern in the most positive person too. It is a feeling that roots from being helpless or the daily fight that goes on when you fight to drag yourself from the physical helplessness that curbs certain movements in you.. My friend, my family doctor, confidante, counsellor told me to just let that feeling take its stride, as it is a fight between the mind and the body.
It is not an easy task to quieten your racing heart, a feeling of a big boulder pressing your chest and the pain you go through when you go to bed after a tiring day, with all the aches and pains of the day. Every night I fight the squeezing feeling of the chest, which I was told that I have no other go but to live with it. Sometimes it does make you helpless. I went through a phase of fear and anxiety, but I really managed to squash all those feelings and got back on my feet with a smile, thinking if I let those feelings take the better of me, I would become an emotional wreck, that I almost became. I hate that feeling and decided to just kick it off. I cannot allow the inner spark of light to die down just like that. My physical pains have never bothered me too much, so decided not to brood over things that I cannot change. Let it take its own course, as I know it is a passing phase.
I was going through all the forwards that some of my close friends had e-mailed me, and re-read something about a friend who was a fighter like me, the passing phases in life she underwent. I found out ways of using my time to do many other things that I love to do. Everyone goes through a phase, when the positivity dwindles a bit, due to many reasons, then it gets back in full force. My passing phases are always very short and I usually never let anyone get even an inkling of it, but sometimes it happens that my close ones do get to know of it. If at all anyone comes to know of it, it is mostly one statement " I never expected you to be like this," except those who really know me, for what I am.
My pains I have to live with it, is what all doctors advise me. And I have learnt to challenge it and fight it out. I realized if I can fight all the trauma that the emperor of maladies gave me, then I can fight out anything in life. Life only makes you miserable by brooding over things, and that stress can lead to the emperor of maladies poking its head again. Why allow it to gnaw at my tissues again, by inviting stress? So I bounced back with a smile, squashing away all that came to weaken my fortress of strength, counting only the little blessings that came my way and still comes my way. Why not just work for the little wish I have in me, streamlining my time and efforts to reach my goal.
So though I did slip and fall within myself, I decided that my fortress cannot be attacked by anything, because it is not worth it to let anything come in my way to fight my battles. It is my own battles and no one would understand anything of my trauma and journey throughout my life. When I have come so far with my head high and a smile, why not go forward the same way. So I picked myself up with a renewed spark of inner power and strength.
"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising everytime we fall." Nelson Mandela.
When a person like me, apparently known as an 'Epitome of Positivity, goes through a short phase of gnawing pain, emptiness or feeling of being a helpless soul, it is hard for anyone to digest, even for me. I am an optimist and I do believe in being positive always. But am I an 'epitome of positivity', who is refreshing and inspiring I really don't know. I do have the faith that I don't let negative thoughts come that easily to break me. Even the most positive person, has times of uncertainty and weakness, going through a lot of pain physically and emotionally. I have been a born fighter always and still am, but sometimes it does become very difficult to fight a battle and everything else surrounding you.
Have you ever felt so much pain there were no words to describe how you felt?There are times when pain, distress, hurt seem too great to bear; you grasp for words but cannot describe the pain. Sometimes you are filled with an anguish of all sorts and become paralyzed to think clearly or take any positive steps to change a situation. But you interrupt the flooding by holding on to the fact that it is a passing phase. I really believe in what John Burroughs quoted, " I go to nature to be soothed and healed, and to put my senses in order." Nature has a very unique way of healing and soothing your senses. To be one with nature is a great feeling. When I find that all my physical and emotional pains are too much to handle, I feel like packing my bags and getting away to the mountains, to be refreshed by the misty mountains. I remember my Cardiologist telling me, to go to a hill station for a change, to undo all that I have gone through.
I hate the feeling of being miserable, something I have never liked in myself. The biggest battle that goes on inside me. And it is then a fear is born of may be the inevitable, that causes a lot of concern in the most positive person too. It is a feeling that roots from being helpless or the daily fight that goes on when you fight to drag yourself from the physical helplessness that curbs certain movements in you.. My friend, my family doctor, confidante, counsellor told me to just let that feeling take its stride, as it is a fight between the mind and the body.
It is not an easy task to quieten your racing heart, a feeling of a big boulder pressing your chest and the pain you go through when you go to bed after a tiring day, with all the aches and pains of the day. Every night I fight the squeezing feeling of the chest, which I was told that I have no other go but to live with it. Sometimes it does make you helpless. I went through a phase of fear and anxiety, but I really managed to squash all those feelings and got back on my feet with a smile, thinking if I let those feelings take the better of me, I would become an emotional wreck, that I almost became. I hate that feeling and decided to just kick it off. I cannot allow the inner spark of light to die down just like that. My physical pains have never bothered me too much, so decided not to brood over things that I cannot change. Let it take its own course, as I know it is a passing phase.
I was going through all the forwards that some of my close friends had e-mailed me, and re-read something about a friend who was a fighter like me, the passing phases in life she underwent. I found out ways of using my time to do many other things that I love to do. Everyone goes through a phase, when the positivity dwindles a bit, due to many reasons, then it gets back in full force. My passing phases are always very short and I usually never let anyone get even an inkling of it, but sometimes it happens that my close ones do get to know of it. If at all anyone comes to know of it, it is mostly one statement " I never expected you to be like this," except those who really know me, for what I am.
My pains I have to live with it, is what all doctors advise me. And I have learnt to challenge it and fight it out. I realized if I can fight all the trauma that the emperor of maladies gave me, then I can fight out anything in life. Life only makes you miserable by brooding over things, and that stress can lead to the emperor of maladies poking its head again. Why allow it to gnaw at my tissues again, by inviting stress? So I bounced back with a smile, squashing away all that came to weaken my fortress of strength, counting only the little blessings that came my way and still comes my way. Why not just work for the little wish I have in me, streamlining my time and efforts to reach my goal.
So though I did slip and fall within myself, I decided that my fortress cannot be attacked by anything, because it is not worth it to let anything come in my way to fight my battles. It is my own battles and no one would understand anything of my trauma and journey throughout my life. When I have come so far with my head high and a smile, why not go forward the same way. So I picked myself up with a renewed spark of inner power and strength.
"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising everytime we fall." Nelson Mandela.
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