When mind decides matters of the heart.

"When mind decides matters of the heart," is a caption I read in front of a cardiology clinic. I smiled pondering over it. Is the mind your culprit or the heart? Mind reasons and rationalizes and helps to figure out like a mathematical problem. Why is there a division between matters of the mind and the heart?

Heart is supposed to be a muscle, but that muscle can stop the life of a man of any size. And it is believed that one person is dead only when he becomes brain-dead. But the inherent strength of both heart and brain is enormous. Both are weakened by a sting.

Your heart is a muscle. It has inherent strength that can be made stronger, like every other muscle, by using it. Imagine for a minute that the heart is like a castle, and the drawbridge is the mind. You let in only what is safe for you, and then you never grow. You have to go through all emotional attacks and catapulting letdowns.

I thought of all these when I read that caption outside the cardiology clinic, which set in a whirlpool of thoughts trying to analyze what it meant as far as cardiology is concerned. It is all in the mind is what came to me immediately after reading it. But is everything just in the mind, where the heart is concerned? I really felt it is caption worth prodding over....quite a thought provoking one.

I asked two of my friends this as a question for which I wanted an answer." When mind decides matters of the heart?" One friend said when the heart is mature enough to reason with the mind. Another answer was many a times. The mind does reason with the heart...I felt both have to go hand in hand, lest either the heart or the mind will go for a toss. 

At an age when reasoning has no value and you are head over heels in love, with butterflies in the stomach, may be then the heart never listens to anything or anyone.

Anchoring in mid sea.

I used to gaze at the fishing motor boats returning after a catch during my morning walks to the beach.  But I have never dreamed of going in such a boat, riding over the high waves with an adrenaline rush and the waves spraying all over you. The engine whirled and zoom we went over the high waves making its way away from the sea shore, feeling the strength of the splashing waves as it hit the bottom of the boat with a thud sound. Turning back to the shore, everything looked so far away, and the only sound heard was the engine's roar. It is a beautiful experience the sea waver splashing all over, unwinding from the hectic day to day routine of life, leaving everything behind you on a mute. The solace of the sea is like a balm and tranquil. Clad in a life jacket you can float in the sea or just enjoy sitting in the boat. 

Is there anyone who doesn’t want to meet the horizon on to the sea? It gives a rush of feelings to think of floating in mid sea on dark Turquoise sea water for hours while looking above at azure sky? I am amazed by the splendor of the blue green mid sea, anchoring in the ripples formed by the sea. Staring at the sky made me lost in rapture of miracle. It is a feeling of bliss riding over the waves.

The rides certainly depend on water currents and climatic and tides of the sea. It is common knowledge that the sea is an entity impossible to predict and full of mystery.  The importance of riding with the local fishermen who genuinely understands the ocean from years of fishing, is really an added advantage and they really know where to anchor in safety.

An experience to remember, moments that give simple joy, sitting in the boat just gazing at the sky and sea, watching the ripples reflect the sun like million tiny mirrors, with just the swaying of the boat as if it is rocking you with a sweet lullaby.

A rendezvous with rain at the beach.

Rain awakens my spirits and expressions. The sight, sound and smell of rain always entices me. It is pure bliss to walk in the drizzling rain, the drops falling on my face and making a soft music. As I walked to the beach, I could see few people seated on the low pavement wall running back to their cars and those who were on the sand head towards the small vendors with an umbrella.

The sky was covered with dark billowing clouds and few white fluffy clouds scattered that reminded me of the cartoon character Casper the friendly ghost. I could see those standing near the water edge scramble hurriedly, giving me a strange look. The drizzling rain drops falling around,  I stood on the water edge as the waves came to tickle my toes.  I could see some of them rushing madly for shelter, while others like me enjoyed the rain. Those who have never experienced it, would never understand the unbridled joy of soaking  bare feet in the waves of the sea and the euphoria of getting drenched slowly in the drizzling rain.

The sea was calm and the waves splashed with the sprays hitting my face. The ripples left by the receding waves in the sand fascinated me. I experienced a different aspect of  the beach, an unexpected  rendezvous with rain. It is a beautiful experience getting caught in the rain at the beach. A sudden gush of wind send a shiver inside me, but I was too absorbed in my thoughts, standing in the water with the raindrops falling all over me, to bother about it. It was a wonderful evening by the seaside in the rain, a beautiful experience to remember.

The smell of the sea, the sprinkle and tickle of waves as they kiss your toes; the feel of each grain of sand, the footprints on the sand and the ripples formed by the receding waves warms my heart. There is no better place to be in than along the beautiful sandy beach in the rain with the waves lapping at your feet,  to soothe your soul

Sunset at the beach.

The sea intrigues me, but it also heals me and soothes me in many ways. I love to watch the sunrises as well as the sunsets at the beach.  The sea has a mystery around it just like the mind of a man. The sea last two days looked calm and tranquil but at the same time it looked as if it had receded a bit. After the tsunami the walking distance to the sea water on the sands had been drastically becoming shorter.  The waves behaved in a different manner, making different shapes in the sand.

Water has an amazing influence on the mind, like the waves the mind is enhanced to widen or narrow. The sea draws me to it and never fails to fascinate me. It takes out the worst confusions of my mind and brings out the best. The sea like the mind is peaceful and quiet at times, but sometimes it is stormy and dangerous; like the mind it has a tendency to be polluted. But  everything said and done,  when I stand by the sea digging my toes in the sand, it never fails to soothe the storm raging in my mind.

The sun rising from the sea at the beach is a healing sight. The same way the sunset too. I love to watch the formations of the clouds, when the sun is shrouded by dark clouds. My mind too like the sun was shrouded by a lot of disturbing thoughts that had been plaguing me with the thought that I was at a crossroad where something was eating into me. A rebel like me was not able to shake it off however I tried to.

I was watching the sun shrouded by clouds and at a point of time it looked like the sun was caught in the mouth of a big python. I watched it with a confusing mind and then I saw the clouds slowly changing formations and the sun was below them like a pearl coming out of an oyster. I observed it with an awe and realized that my mind too was at ease. If my mind was disturbed it was because I was allowing it to. Why think of a situation that hasn't come yet? So slowly I walked away from the sea towards the sunset that eased my mind grateful for the time I spent with nature who was always like a mother soothing and healing me.

Childhood nostalgia

In the rat race of life, the grind of adult life can make us long for childhood again -- a time when there were no worries of the past, present or future. It is a yearning for those bygone days when you see something or a place that holds lots of fond memories. .Though city bred , I always had and still have the heart with fond memories of my beautiful village and everything about it.

In those memories one that I hold close to my heart is the peacock feather and the crab’s eye. Both have been a favorite always for me. It was the belief of a child those days that if you keep a peacock feather in between your book, it will double. I think of that even today when I see a peacock feather anywhere. It was a belief and wishful thinking that made me check  the book often to see if it had doubled.

The crab’s eye was a seed that attracted me where ever I found it. In my ancestral house this creeper was found on the trees and I would always go picking them up, which I still do when I see them. Though it is a rare thing in cities, it is still found in rural areas.  I still feel a child like joy when I see them. It is believed that taking a handful of crab’s eye makes you mischievous.

My childhood memories, both these had great significance. I used to collect them both and am sure, every child really loved it. Such precious things are really missing these days. Childhood memories are those little joys that are pleasing ; they are always associated with some sort of innocent plays and collecting simple things. It may be just a piece of marble, broken bangles or even crabs eye.  I doubt if  a child of modern times  collected such items. Though they look little, they are priceless to those kids belonging to a few decades back.

Gliding through clouds - Wishing time stood still.

Milestone of life - At the threshold of sixty.

In the race against time, life  is like footsteps that fade in the sands of time. It depends on what time line of life you are, thinking on it and whether you really welcome that status. It takes strength and courage to age gracefully, irrespective of what age you are. It is really a time to look back on your journey of life, contemplating on what you went through, what it did to you and what you have become today. It is the  significance and insignificance of life, the significance of the little things  that is usually considered insignificant. An insight into the relationships of life, where you failed and what you really gained. A time to record and reflect on the wonderful, fascinating and challenging life you lived.

At every stage, age defines a woman from an infant baby girl to being a grandmother.  It is a milestone of all memories, turning into a grand sixty; a treasured milestone that is important in every way, a time to look back at all the good and bad memories that have flown by. It is turning six decades of your life as a woman, not complaining or whining on what went by, looking at how far you have come in life, the family you love and cherishing those fond memories  in the sunset of life.  It is a graceful stage of elegance,  with a rare inner beauty that radiates with the twinkle in your eyes still intact. You are still full of life,  a certain kind of vivacity and a stage where life starts with a new light in your heart and soul.

Every small milestone pops up making you wistfully wonder where time has gone. However seemingly small and insignificant moment it may be, it can take you by surprise and lead you to a full life, enjoying all the little things that you have always loved the most. In every aspect of life it is your strength and confidence that takes you through life. You may have crossed many milestones, facing all the hurdles and challenges; as you age it is a time to enjoy the fruits of your labor. It is a time to relive the magical moments of life even while looking forward to a new learning and experiences.

It is a threshold to an altogether new way of celebrating life, feeling alive and living it to the fullest. While turning in to the new milestone of being sixty it may be faced with full positive or negative emotions. Aging depends on the temperament and outlook of each individual. For me it is a time to cherish all that I have gained in life. I may have erred a lot, hurt a lot, made a lot of mistakes, but I have learned a lot too and tried to become a better person than I was yesterday. I learned to value all those I hold close to my heart, but also to give space to all to grow as each one likes. My challenges of life made me what I am today, and made me a stronger person; though emotionally I still remain most vulnerable with the ones I hold close to my heart.

Though I have been a born fighter always, I still have my own weaknesses. I remain a confident and positive tower of strength, I still feel emotional when I am hurt by my close ones. The fights of life battling against life and time has never bothered me, but my relationships that I value always leaves me in a turmoil. Life taught me the hard way that any relationship can be broken just like that even if you have taken time and fostered them with love. Still I value each person in my own way.

Spending time with plants, I learned a lot. A dying plant, even dried may sprout new leaves when watered with love, but relationships even when fed with a lot of love can just die. At this stage of life, I have learned a lot the hard way and that still hurts a lot, though all the physical pains have never mattered to me even when I fight a daily battle to maintain quality life.  I look for just little things that gives me immense joy. Life is always a continuous learning process.

Be like a duck.

Nature is an amazing teacher. When you learn to observe the things around you, you learn a lot from the sun, the wind, the sky, water or many of nature's immaculate living things. When you observe, watch, see and listen to the experiences that it represents, you open yourself up to an infinite teacher in life.

"Always behave like a duck-keep calm and unruffled on the surface, but paddle like the devil underneath," this quote brings forth a way of life to balance life while battling life. You may be going through a lot in life, fighting the battle of keeping alive daily, but why let others know what you are going through. It interest none what you go through, so it is better to smile and stay calm as long as it is possible. When you watch a duck swimming in the pond, it seems very calm and moving without much effort, but none seethe under surface struggle of it kicking very hard to keep afloat.,

I have been thinking of the duck, comparing it to a cancer survivor or a patient. There may be many people giving in to the disease without a fight, because they don't want to suffer and make the ones around them suffer. Many are always lamenting and wallowing in self pity making the life of those around too a hell. But the real warrior and survivor stays calm though it is an exhausting experience to stay afloat in the true grit of life. There is an inner fight  beneath the surface that none see.

The daily fights of a cancer survivor is not made known by many and to many, the reason for which may be best known to each individual. Some like to fight it out silently so that the loved ones around are not in fear of what may happen or what is happening. The well known saying that when it rains it pours may describe life at times and to stay calm at such moments needs grit and determination. A duck doesn't run away when it rains, it stays in the rain.  Whatever it is they simply endure it . You have to endure it whatever comes your way, enjoying the simple things when they last. Being like a duck is not retaliating and making things worse, fight it out in a dignified way staying calm and with an inner fight of never giving up. 

The lone paths of life.

Being a cancer survivor is embracing pain, fighting a daily battle with the pains and repercussions of the long term after effects of radiation and chemotherapy. Do all have these problems, it is a big NO. It all depends on your body constitution, wear and tear, age and a lot of other factors of life.  It is the biggest battle of life to know that different parts of your body are fighting it out due to the after effects of the treatment. Any problem you have, the doctors have just one answer; that it is the long term after effect of the radiation and chemotherapy.  The daily battle I fight is in a way a victory for me, but in the fight sometimes you get tired and to keep up your spirits is the biggest task. If you ask me there are only two options to all the daily challenges, you fight physically; due to the physical fight the emotional fight is the biggest task and you can either give up completely or fight like hell. Is it as easy as that, when it is not only a physical fight but also a psychological fight,  then I would say, it is the toughest battle of life to keep going when you have to fight with every little part of your body and also your psychological fight towards it.

At some crossroads of life, in a journey through all winding paths fighting all battles, it hits like a thunderbolt that life has rendered you a lone path. It is a daily fight with life and your body to keep your life going; being thankful for the little mercies bestowed and the little things that matter a lot in life which no riches can buy. You realize that all those you look up to are no more near you. All are lost in their own battles of life and shut themselves away from you.  For some it is a battle to stay afloat, for some it is a battle to live on, while for some it is a daily struggle to fight a battle to maintain the deteriorating elements of the body that is a biological machine. Each one is in a battle within oneself. In the daily battle for life sometimes one tends to drift away from all.

For a cancer survivor it sometimes becomes a daily fight to maintain the quality of life. Some days you struggle to find rhythm in life, it is a tough fight against yourself with a will to survive. It is the fight that makes you value every living moment of your life. It makes you lose fear of death and enjoy the moments that are available to you; it makes you look at all the little insignificant things of life. It is self motivation and the inspiration to fight out to feel alive and wake up to see the dawn of another day.

Power of Impermanence.

The power of impermanence is like the never ending vast sea, a really confusing topic that is often hard to wrap around the head and heart. When you realize the hard way nothing is permanent, it hits you like a bolt from nowhere and renders you cold. It is a passing phase they say, but one that leaves a heartache and a scar. I used to take pride in the bonds I made with the ones I held close throughout my life, thinking goodwill always keeps them close to me. But I learned it the hard way that goodwill may remain, but after I perish. In life the bonds can break in a split of a micro-second, without a thought. No bond on earth, be it of blood or of the heart lasts forever. You are always left with yourself alone.

In today's world all think of short term relationship...letting go and reaching out. There was a time when relationships were for keeps, throughout life till death. But the significance of a permanent relationship is fast fading. In a jiffy, a relationship is cut forever, with no regrets. I still live in the times where a relationship is grown like a plant with care and sincerity. Two of my potted plants had dried up completely, but I watered them daily not giving up hope and found new shoots in the dry stem.

My daily walks to the beach and the time I spent with nature around me made me realize a lot of facts. I used to listen to the birds, the different kinds of sounds they made, understanding that everything in nature too had a soul. A tree that stands tall and strong were magnificent and had stories of its life too. I started feeling that I needed to step out of my head, my emotions and the heartaches to live with nature around me. In my mind all those I loved was permanent for me, knowing that nothing or none may stay permanently with me and I just had only me for myself. I learned to enjoy the now and cherish those moments, even when hurts inside me tore me apart; wishing only happiness and love for all.

Nature has been my best teacher, even when I learned a lot of lessons the hard way. Trees taught me simplicity in a beautiful life; a lesson learned as a child. Each day I cherished the magnitude of little things in life and felt grateful for them. From a tree I learned to hold my own life, while everyday is ever changing, the sunrises and sunsets are never the same, I thought why I was hurt with the change in all around me. With a deep sigh I realized each day that just as I grew to love nature, I also valued each bond that I held close to my heart sensing the simple beauty in them.

Love for cancer.

“All cancers are alike but they are alike in a unique way.”

― Siddhartha Mukherjee

A truth that can never be denied.  It is called the 'Emperor of Maladies,' and rightly so. You never know where it will attack and how. It is different for each individual, so also the pains. All those have gone through the journey with the creeping crab will have a different story to narrate of pain, perseverance, resilience and victories. Every one respond differently to cancer, its pains and the treatments. 

The creeping crab once it attacks, it makes you realize the beauty of life and the joy of living every moment. It inspires you to find a meaning in your life and the magical moments, like a butterfly. You start understanding the soul of every tree, flower, falling leaves and everything around you. Every moment of life is etched in your heart and soul. 

Though the pain it gives is endless like the vast sky and the ocean, it makes you value every microsecond of your life. Is it the same for all who were attacked by this loving monster? The answer is a big 'NO' as the effects and aftereffects depends on the body of each individual and how you fight it out. Some just give in to the monster knowing that it is an endless fight for life. 

It is an awareness  which it makes you wake up to, that beauty is not physical, but the inner power and strength you have radiating a positive glow on your face. In this whole process it is an understanding that takes you forward. Any kind of stress can trigger it again.  When you go through the trauma of bilateral triple negative cancer and its long term after effects, you fall in love with the pain it gives you daily because that makes you realize you are alive and still capable of feeling it. They say there is no magic pill for the long term after effects of cancer treatment except exercise and good nutritional food to keep up the quality of life. Then as they say, 'It is all in the mind how you deal with it'. It is a daily fight and that keeps you going with a smile, joy in the heart and a bounce in your step. 

Cancer invades uninvited and unwanted,

An intruder in my body,

Waiting to claim me,

A complete stranger though,

Weaves a web of intricate pain. 

Like tsunami my chemo,

Unleashes its power, 

In each of its cycles,

Leaving me in a hazy maze,

Of its long after-effects.

I enter the battlefield in fury,

The scans and labs a learning step,

To score a goal against the monster,

Finding the essence of my life,

In my inner sanctum. 

The power of a smile can make you powerless.

There is immense power in a smile.  Each one has a unique smile.  A smile is   a  dazzling way of showing your happiness, love, friendliness, appreciation and kindness. Some have a smile that lights up the eyes with a mischief while some they minute they smile their eyes crinckle.  It is always contagious. It is the best response to any situation of life. It is also a smile that grounds many people. A smile can change one person’s mood.The anger melts seeing a  smile from a loved one or a stranger.   No one needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give.Well, there are many things in a smile. It might only be a short word but it means a lot if we remove the letter ‘S’ from the spelling of smile and it becomes a mile.  Sometimes the best part of smiling  is the reaction. When they smile back, it brings you some sort of happiness and comfort. Their reaction is what reminds you that the world is indeed, still full of kind people, still full of hope.

You can avoid a lot of problems by just giving a smile as an answer. It is not confusing and it can avoid a lot of misunderstanding and problems in life. The smile is a universal sign of happiness. It is believed to be the ultimate connection between all humankind. No matter how big or small, if a smile is genuine it creates an ineffable feeling in the atmosphere. There is a power in  a smile to make the saddest of circumstances a little better. A smile  transcends all barriers between individuals and to create special moments in life. Smiling happens without much thought. Smiling happens without much thought. One smile can make all the difference.  One smile has the power to release stress, calm you down, make you attractive, make someone else happy and believe it or not, smiling can actually cause happiness. Smile at the challenges life throws at you.

Smile and the world smiles with you. How true it is. None are interested to listen to your fights or sorrows, and why would you expect it too? Many can fake a smile. It turns out that smiling might be the best thing to do when you're ready to shift into a brighter mood.A smile helps you feel happier  and being happier helps you keep the smile going in a genuine way. Your fake smile is now a real one!  The smile is is the “the symbol that was rated with the highest positive emotional content” concludes scientist Andrew Newberg.

I think it is time to turn that frown upside down? Now say "cheese!" :-)

Surfing the waves of life.

When life gives you waves, SURF it.  I have been thinking of this whenever I stood by the sea watching the waves rise and fall. I used to stand there and contemplate if I was really positive in all aspects of life to turn a painful situation into a learning experience. I have faced all the adversities and difficulties of life with courage, but was I really so in all the aspects of life? Am I not still vulnerable to one aspect of life? This thought still plagues me. Am I able to surf through all the waves of life? I really don't think so. There are still certain aspects of life that can turn me into a bundle of nerves. I have adapted to all changes of life. But sensitivity in one aspect that still troubles me. I read in a cancer's  aftereffect write up that after cancer you become more vulnerable and sensitive. But I was not one to give in to any such feelings. Though I was sensitive to an extent, I had the courage to think that nothing can bring me down to my knees. Was I wrong? After all I am an average human being who had all the feelings like any other person.

I was always good at surfing through the waves of life, be it a big one or a small one. Adversities never bothered me. The S.U.R.F strategy of life is a simple quick strategy to adapt and react positively to all the waves of life,  to all changes it brings. When you are troubled by a wave, whatever it is trying to regain your composure and move forward is the way out. As you surf through life's waves you may have some awesome rides or some gnarly wipe outs. You meet people who want to help you or wipe you out.

Some stressful situations cause tidal waves or tsunamis that tend to wipe you out. Thoughts that come to unnerve you are like the free moving and unseen winds. Emotions or feelings are like the flow of water. Sadly all come to a state of confusion, confronting certain situations. The lesson in the metaphor "waves of life' is to stay on board without falling, but all fall at some point of time. The surfing is a human aspect appreciating all emotions and feelings. It is the nature of life. The most important aspect of surfing through the waves of life is patience and perseverance. Everything said and done, it is quite natural that you falter at times.

As I contemplated on various aspects of my life, I realize that there are still areas where I need to be strong and more courageous. Learn to be less vulnerable. Life teaches you a lot of lessons. The learning process is a continuous  one, till our death.

The oceanic mind.

Standing by the beach waiting for the sun to rise from the horizon, reflecting on how it eases the mind and heals the body, I realized that the sea level had risen, a common sight after the tsunami. Due to the rising sea level the beach sand had formed a slope of its own. Early mornings usually the sea is calm and tranquil; all the morning walkers would stand or walk on the wet sand The last two days, I noticed that the sea was not calm as it used to be always. The waves were moving in more than the usual level.

This morning the waves were sending everyone scrambling up as they were careful not to wet their shoes. Even those who had come to watch the sunrise enjoying the waves teasing them were standing at a safe distance. I too ran back thrice when the waves took me unawares. As the waves came above the slope I saw little crabs scampering away from the waves. The sandy beach was full of little crabs scurrying about. The swell of waves left a lot of ripples and bubbles on the sand as they receded giving a lacy touch on the beach.

I removed my shoes and ventured a little into the beach, but at a safe distance and dug my toes into the sand, watching the waves repeat one after another. I stood there contemplating on the fact that the ocean and the mind are so much alike. The usual morning sea that used to be calm and serene was not so. The peace I felt at the first touch of the waves on my toes was not there wondering what made the sea level rise? The serenity that knows how to make each one feel at ease, filled with peace was missing. I reflected upon those days when I used to make sand castles and waited for the waves to wash them off.

When the sea was rising up with its playful waves everyone around stayed away from it. I mused over that thinking how even man avoided one who was furious, agitated, confused or one who was not in the usual frame of mind. Even those that look up to that one person in awe stays away. The mind and the ocean that stays calm, sometimes is avoided when there is an absence of tranquility. I had read that each drop of water expands a little and the expansion of the entire depth of the ocean, adds up and causes the sea level to rise. Today it is rising due to the melting glaciers too. Just as the rising sea level is a threat, so is the perplexity of the mind. Each little thought, the doubts, misapprehensions, fears if allowed to grow the level of anxiety grows even in a calm mind. Even the most calm and positive person can become in a state of confusion. The external conditions around you are like the melting glaciers that can cause havoc after a point of time, when your limit of endurance wears off. A mind that is in a turmoil causes lot of problems to oneself and to others too.

The ocean fascinates me, inspires and there is an innate relationship that goes way deeper each day. A wave coming out of the sea in repetition captivates the heart and mind. The wave  ebbs and flows across the sand; its untouchable vastness and depth, is  notable. But one thing that transfixes me like nothing else is the power and peace of the ocean. So is the mind of a man, reflecting the perfect portrayal of a paradox, It is both mighty and tranquil, aggressive and calm, also enraged and at rest. One moment you feel the power of the waves as they crash, the water drops sprinkling on the face and the next moment you also feel the gentle kiss of the waves on the toes quickly receding back into the sea making you dig your toes further into the sand. It is a mystery to the unknown. 

Bonding is like flying a kite.

Standing in the beach with my toes dug deep in the sand, the waves playfully teasing me tickling my feet, I just gazed around to catch a glimpse of the setting sun. The sight made me awe-struck, a huge and beautiful paper kite flying high in the sea breeze. I just chuckled to myself thinking what could be more fun than watching a kite in the beach, the cool breeze making it dance to its tunes. The young fliers were carefully flying it against the wind and birds.

I felt a special joy in my heart just looking at the kite. It was flying so happily in the open space against all the turbulence around. It was the open space that gave a lot of room for the kite to fly at its will that made it soar high in the sky. There were no obstacles that caused any kind of turbulence and the fliers were carefully maneuvering it leaving enough length of the string that held it. As I gazed at it suddenly felt as if I was really slapped hard realizing that every bond you hold close to your heart is like that kite, be it your spouse, kids or friends.

Sometimes in action and words you tend to overlook certain aspects of your bonds in life. Just like the kite it stays stringed only if it has enough space to be at its own free will. It needs the wind that is required to keep it afloat. But the minute you try to control it too much tugging on the string, possibilities are high that either it might get cut or the kite might cut itself due to the turbulence. This was a great revelation, a new lesson I learned the hard way from the kite. I learned that a kite is like any bond  that you hold close, taking care   when something goes wrong or the kite flies far away from your view lost forever. An irony that is hard to accept in life and the bonds you foster.

Irony of life.

I felt as if I was whipped today, that too in a place like a hospital where empathy needs to be shown. I felt my skin burn and a feeling of a million worms crawling all over my body. Felt as if humans were becoming worse than animals. I was struck like  a lightening and shudder to think that I live in a world that is obsessed with breasts.

Why is it a woman is the  one who always feel indisposed in certain aspects of life? Have we entered a stage where age doesn't matter at all? If you are a little open to someone you are taken for granted that whatever the age a woman is a prey to the machoism of a man. Is it that an era has come that a pure bond is not possible between a man and woman?

I hate it when men send messages saying you look pretty and I would like to know you better. Are all women and men measured with the same yardstick? I have always maintained a boundary with all be it men or women until and unless I get to know them and meet them in person. Or is it that social media has become an open platform to flirt irrespective of the age.

It is an irony of life that however positive you may be, sometimes you feel sliced with words. I wish we humans learn to first respect each other, in whatever state you are. I am what I am and will remain so, whether I look feminine or not in the physical aspect of feminine beauty.

Mother nature the greatest teacher.

Nature has its own ways to make you aware of its importance. Everything around you in nature is a metaphor.  Nature has always been an inspiration to poets and writers. I have always been close to nature, but somewhere in the rat race of life, stopped to appreciate and behold the small things of beauty around me. Cancer again took me back to nature, which has been a great solace and healer. The floating clouds and its patterns;  the flying birds, , the flowing streams, the trees, the blooming flowers, the blowing wind, the twinkling stars, the rising sun, the shining full moon, the rolling waves, the towering hills, , the falling leaves and the setting sun, all different forms of beauty  connect in many ways.  Nature teaches the value of innocence and gives lessons on the same too.

 Nature, the greatest force in the universe, reveals itself in different concrete forms – mountains, rocks, oceans, rivers, trees, etc. Mountains, hills and rocks teach us the value of perseverance.  They have been standing tall for ages and this  steadfast position is a lesson on how to stand ground for the right and against the wrong with our heads held high. The human mind is as deep and mysterious as an ocean. Love, joy, kindness and mercy reside in the abyss of each heart, even the   pearls are found in the bottomless floor of the oceans.   The journey of a river from the source to the destination is a lesson on how to brave odds by means of willpower in life.  A river also teaches us to stay within boundaries, so that you are respected and revered, while you breach the boundaries it is like flood. The tempo of human life never ceases even in the face of adversity, just as rivers stop at nothing on their way.

Flowers that spread fragrance teaching you to  love unconditionally. Trees  exist despite unfavorable circumstances. As you grow and age, the  innocence is replaced by experience. Such are the changing season of nature to making you feel and exist. To be precise, the extreme forces of nature give  lessons on adversity and survival. It is this world of nature where I take flight to from the monotony of day-to-day life. The hill,  seaside, the lush green fields and canals that are added beauty to a village, the trees by the fields, the simple reflections you see in the water, all these lend me a new lease of life through rejuvenation of the body, the mind, the soul and the senses. If there were no retreat to nature, I feel it would have been very difficult to feel alive; an escapade from  mundane life.. Spending time with nature is the best escape, though temporary, from such grim slices of life. . It is the best way to revive your energy and enthusiasm.

Nature teaches us not to play with it to such an extent that you start cribbing when it plays its role.  However advanced technology is and humans play with it, the fury of its devastation is so enormous and happens in a flash that you don't have time to even think.  It is said that you should have the patience of mother Earth,  but the patience wears off and  the periodic calamities are reminders to respect it. Mother Earth teaches you never to push anyone to the edge and test the patience. The after effect of it may be devastating for both. 

The beauty of hills, seas, waterfalls, lakes and the starry sky has been the Muse to many writers, poets and painters. Nature has an unbelievable capacity for healing. It is a silent communicator and the ultimate equalizer.

A heart full of gratitude.

As quoted by John F Kennedy I believe, " As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." An act of gratitude is a two way gift both to the giver and the receiver.  Gratitude is believed to be  a powerful expression of love. A word of appreciation is more than a sentiment. 

I am indeed indebted  to the readers from all over the world, for taking time to read my blog. I am deeply grateful and thank all my readers from the bottom of my heart for your valued time taken to read my blog. I thank each and every one of my readers who were with me in my journey through my blog for the last two years and ten months. I would also like to thank all those who appreciated my writing with kind words, that did mean a lot to me. I also thank all those who randomly stumbled upon my blog. 

It is the little things in life that are important and mean a lot. I believe that we should give of ourselves  whatever we can each and every day because the benefits that we will reap are phenomenal. One of the easiest ways to give back to someone is by saying thank you, deep from the heart. I have a lot to be grateful for and a lot of people to whom I owe my appreciation and gratitude for being able to write and also for the inspiring words of appreciation. 

The boat of life on a lifetime journey.

Life can be compared to a boat that is on a journey in the sea.  The only way you can keep it afloat is to keep rowing, be it smooth or rough waters. When the tides of life  sometimes turn against you, you have to just go with the wind enjoying the journey. Many times you tend to go through life just like a boat only looking at where you were than looking at where you are and get stuck. In the boat of life, believe in yourself and keep afloat, or you may sink to the bottom. It is also good to remember that you cannot sink someone's end of the boat and manage yours afloat. As you keep moving through the waters of life, everything falls in its perspective depending on what's important to you and what is not. You cannot escape the tides and the waves. But even when you are lost, the waves guide you to another day of life.

As I stood on the beach watching the sunrise, I saw fishermen maneuvering their boat from the sand to the waters. It was very difficult for them to push the boat towards the sea along the sand. So they first lifted it with a rope tied to a pole and carried it on to the wet sand. I watched them in awe realizing how it related to life. When your boat of life is stuck in the sands of time, it needs effort to push it a little off into the waters. It was a great insight to life, that I learned observing them. In the wet sand they patiently waited for the waves to help them move the boat forward. As each wave came along and receded, they pushed it along and then finally two of them leaped into it as the boat just sailed into the waters with the help of the motor that propelled it.

I stood there watching the boats in the sea and realized how it linked to life. Even when you are stuck in the middle of adversity or you are in  a journey into something new, you need to wait patiently, to tide over to the shores. You have to steer your mind, heart, soul and spirit through any storms of life.

My passion for writing.

It is a unique gift, being able to write and express your thoughts. It is a passion for writing, with a communicating skill, a creative flair for the written word in any form. It is a love for words and writing that gives the ability to write, be it a poem, a story or an article on any topic. As a child I loved being able to express myself and pen down my thoughts, be it my emotions or my pains. May be my love for writing began with my feelings flowing freely onto my diary. It was nothing poetic or classy, but I loved it on the whole; the process of writing, the way it allowed me to express my feelings, emotions and my experiences.

At a later stage of life, I stopped writing at all, losing my expressive self somewhere. I find it fulfilling to write my thoughts, that brings out all my untold words and feelings. When I hold a pen to write, it gives me a sense of completeness, because of my passion for it. It is a love for the creative craftsmanship of writing. I love the feeling of making a character alive like a new born child, creating a new world. A piece of writing matters to the person living it,  with a story revealed in it.

It is generally believed that those who write are weird. If so I love to be one of those weird ones. I used to love narrating stories as a child and a teacher. But never in my wildest dreams believed that I would also be able to write one. It was as a  challenge hurled at me,  I tried writing a story. I owe my gratitude for my writing skills to my dad and the skill of writing a story to someone close to my heart, one of my four brats.

The pleasure of writing is like bringing out some memories that are always hidden somewhere in the remotest corner of the heart. It may be all those memories that begin in the mind and end up in your soul. Finally it is your feelings and emotions out there in the open to be analysed by the readers in their own way. It is a love for reading too that plays a great role in writing. Sometimes it is a beautiful photograph that makes you write a poem, a write up or a graphical story.

To put everything together it is also an escapade, a comfort, a joy, a friend or a passion. Writing and reading always holds a piece of my heart and soul; a big part of my life. 

An ode to the woman

The woman  borne from,
Bosom of Mother Earth,
One of patience & courage,
Like a tree in fortitude,
A river within boundaries,
A flower in life,
With a twinkle in the eyes,
That never fades or dies,
A spirit and love one inspires,
A beauty shining inside out,
A smile like the radiant sun,

A tower of strength,

A mother who is an epitome of love,

A sister who cheers and shares,

A daughter who is caring,

A spouse who is a beacon of light and hope,

A grandmother who is a source of unconditional love,

 A genuinely caring entity,

Without any dominating rules,

 Who fights hard never to fall apart,

Even when she is torn inside,
And goes with grace in an eternal sleep,
Embraced in the heart of Nature.

The chess of life.

Life is indeed like a game of chess. You are either a king, queen, bishop, knight or a pawn and you have to fulfill the role that life rolls out to you. You are sometimes mere pawns in life, a unique one with a feature that none have, you may remain a pawn or get promoted to any other roles. But irony of life is that nothing comes free. Even when you strive hard and work, you remain a pawn of life.

Chess is a game rich in metaphors  for a man, a testing ground of life and a learning experience. It is like life that calls for different skills at different levels. A pawn is sometimes a metaphor to see the unusual talents or the diligent work of an otherwise ordinary person who becomes visible only when it ceases to be a pawn. The strategy of chess is a learning that weakness in you is not a real weakness unless you allow it to be attacked, what you perceive as a weakness may in reality be your greatest quality and strength.

You sometimes either just bumble through life, with no purpose or with a life of unceasing moves that are calculated or non calculated. Life like chess is not a complicated strategic move, it is the simplifying of the knots that you get into. The only difference is that in a game of chess you know all the rules and how to make moves whereas in life it is a power of the inevitable that you learn as life goes on. You cannot reverse any moves of life just like the game of chess. Life is always suffused with a randomness. Every move you make in life has to be tactical and everything can change just in one single move or action.

Giving up doesn't favor you in any way. Even when you are cornered it doesn't mean you can never win. It is the smallest thing  that always has the greatest impact in life. 

You are the architect of your own life.

"If you suffer it is because of you, if you feel blissful it is because of you. Nobody else is responsible – only you and you alone. You are your hell and your heaven too," is a quote that came as a thunderous lightening that hit me and made me think deeply about. It made me go on a spiral wave of thinking about how true it is and ask myself when I had started leaning on someone or started a blame game in life? It set me on an introspection spell of why I was so affected by that one quote hurled at me.

If I could withstand all the challenges of life alone, keep fighting a survival battle all alone then why was I getting affected with trivial things. It may be the fights of life that made me more vulnerable to hurts. The awareness of the self dwindles and understanding has a vital role. Though I am a person who thinks positively, it could be that certain things hurts the ego or the 'I' in me. I always try to turn all negatives into positives and keep myself happy. But am I not an average human being who apart from loving others, loves to be loved and feel loved? Is that a taboo for an optimistic and positive person? I have read that happy people do a lot of things, like expressing gratitude, being optimistic, being compassionate, nurturing loving relationships, committing time to the pursued goals, counting on little things that mean a lot, so on and so forth. Life is a chain of events. Some that happens inside me and some that happen around me.  I have to remember this continuously, because the struggle is long, and the journey is arduous. And understanding is the secret of transformation. 

Nobody is doing better than you because nobody can do better than you.  YOU are walking your own path.  It is quite natural that sometimes the reason we struggle with insecurity, is because of a lack of understanding.  Actually your response is your freedom and you are not dependent on anyone for that. So when something happens or is told to you, ponder over it, you may end up introspecting and finally feeling as if a big weight has been lifted off your chest. .Listen to your own inner voice and live in your own world finding happiness doing what you love to do, the little things that gives a lot of happiness. Keep your best wishes and your biggest goals close to your heart and dedicate time to them every day.  Why be scared to walk alone, and learn to enjoy it.  Never let anyone’s ignorance, drama, or negativity stop you from being the best you can be.  Keep doing what you know in your heart is right, for YOU.  Because when you are focused on your work towards fulfilling a dream and at peace within yourself, almost nothing can shake you.  Go forward with that confidence. Is it as easy as that? But it is not impossible either.

When you are content to simply be yourself, everyone worthwhile will respect you.  And even more importantly, you will respect yourself. Those who accept you are the ones true to you.  Those who don’t are your teachers.  If someone calls you something and it’s true, it’s not your problem.  If someone calls you something and it’s not true, it’s not your problem. Either way, whatever they call you is not your problem.  What other people call you is their problem…What you call yourself, and who you decide to become, is your problem. The greater part of your happiness or unhappiness depends upon your outlook, and not upon your situation.  Even if things aren't perfect right now, think of all the beauty still left around you.  A good reason to smile is always one thought away; choose to tap into it any time you like.

Life's journey.

We are all travellers in the journey of life, where there are no maps or places of destination.  We start life's journey with empty hands and also rest forever with empty hands. May be the destination is in every step of our journey. Along our journey of life, we learn a lot of lessons the hard way, we have much heartache, but we also have lot of celebrations, joys, and special moments and also gather a lot of memories. The road is never smooth; in fact, throughout our travels, we will encounter many challenges. These challenges test our courage, strengths, weaknesses, and faith. Along the way, we stumble upon obstacles that will come between the paths that we are destined to take. To follow the right path, we have to overcome these obstacles. Sometimes these obstacles are really blessings in disguise, only we never realize that at that point of time.

Time stops for none, if we only harp on the hardships of life, we might miss out on some really amazing things that life has to offer. We can never go back to the past, we can only take the lessons that we have learned and the experiences that we have gained from it and move on. It is because of the heartaches, as well as the hardships, that in the end help to make us a stronger person. Is it as easy as that, when we give our life and soul for it?   The people that we meet on our journey, are people that we are destined to meet. Everybody comes into our lives for some reason or another and we don't always know their purpose until it is too late. May be when we have lost them forever. Some realize the value of a person in life, only when they are gone forever from the world.

Sometimes some people make a lasting impression with their silent caring ways,  we may not realize it at that time, but they will make a difference and change our lives in a way we never could imagine, a real blessing.  It is because of these encounters that we learn some of life's best lessons and sometimes we even learn a bit of ourselves too. Memories are always priceless treasures that we cherish forever in our hearts. They also enable us to continue on with our journey for whatever life has in store for us. It is believed that what doesn't kill us will make us stronger. It all depends on how each one's definition is about being strong. It may have different meanings to different people. It is a realization of what we are today. It also means looking deep into our soul and realizing that  what we  are today couldn't exist if it weren't for the things that  happened in the past or for the people that you have met. Everything that happens in our life happens for a reason and sometimes that means we must face heartaches in order to experience joy.

The journey of life is not in our hands, we go where life takes us, be it a path of boulders or a path of luxury. Where we had our own, there sometimes we feel like an outsider.  With time the journey takes different paths making it very painful, but as a traveller we have to go on, contended in what we have and making the most of it. As we travel sometimes the bygones come by and cross our path. The path of life is different for all.  It is a reality that nothing is certain in the journey of life. Sometimes we think of the meaning of this life when hit by hard realities that come like a bolt from the blue. We are hardly anybody, probably nobody, but what is to be will be.

The conundrum of a biological micro machine - your body.

The body is an instrument which only gives off music when it is used as a body. ~Anaïs Nin

The body gives music only when it is in rhythm, the rhythm in your heart beats, the bounce in your steps; though music can heal your body. Your body is actually a biological machine. I feel it is difficult to think of an asset that is more important than your own body. It is also a machine that needs to be nurtured like anything else. If you think of it as a car, it is a timeless classic that is your prized possession. Over a period of time, even the biological machine, your body may breakdown and many sluggish problems may crop up if the maintenance of it is neglected. When your body works overtime, it becomes complex and much more difficult to repair or replace it with the wear and tear or permanent damage. 

During the journey of life, busy in the rat race none think of its reliability or longevity or quality; could be due to complacence or negligence. You have to ensure that your body receives the best possible nutrition, exercise and relaxation to keep it fit, giving importance to its needs.  Unfortunately man tends to ignore this fact of your biological machine. There is no super pill or miracle pill but the requirement of the basics that is a balanced diet, ample fluids, enough rest and exercise. It is not designed to be inactive. Wake up and realize that health is your most important asset.

The day you find yourself taking more pills than your food, then you can be rest assured that you have abused and overused your body or you have been lethargic to use your body properly. Both ways you suffer. Sometimes the disease you fight and the strong treatment affects every tiny cell or organ. Still all is not lost. You can still fight those blues pampering yourself with the nutrients and exercise it needs to be strengthened. Become your own biological machine's mechanic and fill it up with the fuel it requires, carefully watching what you refill it up with and your body will probably thank you.  

Your fight for survival will inspire and motivate you to move ahead, facing the challenges any malady can gift you. Like any other machine, everything is inter connected. Sometimes it is the genetics that tend to ruin the machine, but even then it is a vital revelation that it is a power of the inevitable; a complexity of the functioning of all organs. When you think of the inevitable, it is human nature to think it may not happen to you; that you are immune to everything. The health care and choices taken during life have a dramatic effect on a long term basis. For some it is a long fight from childhood. Life is forever a fight for survival, taking care of your health while you can and the best way you can. 

A perpetual Scar.

Words come from within

Reflecting the pain,

Of what cannot be undone,

From a pained soul.

Fact come hitting hard,

Cry of despair deep inside,

Heart bleeds with every beat,

Hurting beyond repair.

Can tears cleanse it,

Or a smile set it right,

Or words put out the fire,

Of  burning pain?

So much it wants to say,

Tongue or pen is helpless,

Like the blank pages,

That flap and flutter away.

Dare to face every challenge and rise like a Phoenix.

Life after cancer does mean making some new choices, facing new challenges, valuing your life more, and waking up to the fact that you deserve to do what you love. You discover new things and realize it is a fight for life, through life with grit, determination and perseverance, and that the fight is never over. It is only at the end of your treatment, your journey of real fight starts. You really embark on another leg of your journey. It is adjusting to a lot of changes in your body, a fight with yourself mentally and looking up to squash the new challenges that crop up in your path. 

After your body has been through an enormous assault by the Emperor of maladies, recovery is a huge thing that depends only on you. You are going to bounce back, though not immediately. You are hit time and again throwing you down, either with a catapult of the after effect of the treatment or new threats from the creeping crab itself, that that makes your life worth fighting for, to dare and challenge it,  making you feel victorious and not a victim. The treatment may even have cognitive changes of thinking, remembering or processing that affect many aspects of life. Cancer is not a death sentence, it is a journey of life that that 'can' make you  a survivor; who is always a warrior fighting out the challenges the emperor of maladies sends your way to take care of yourself.

Sometimes I feel it is an awakening of your 'self' to take care and keep fighting, whatever it is that you are dealt with. The heart says I am beating for you, love me. The weakening of your muscles, tissues, ligaments and bones tell you to keep yourself fit and happy. Fight for that twinkle in your eyes that threaten to dwindle and dare to keep them alive. A survivor's armour is  the nutrition and exercise to keep yourself fit, in spite of all the challenges hurled at you. It reminds you to feed your specific needs of life. Wouldn't it be a shame to weaken after having fought the battle of cancer?

Life after cancer can sometimes be long and arduous path, with many challenges cropping up to weaken the body and mind. The treatment and the fight sometimes heighten a sense of vulnerability that creates confusion. At times effects of treatment doesn't stop with the end of treatment, but manifests itself in the journey after the treatment. It is only a never give up attitude that can keep your fight alive and your courage to challenge it leads you out of the tunnel of pain. It is always a new learning experience of life to fight life.

"Dare to face every challenge and rise like the Phoenix."

A price for everything.

Does everything in life have a price?  A question of a rebelling mind, thinking of my life beyond cancer. It made me contemplate on life deeply and I thought to myself that everything in life has a price, little do we think about it. All just go about in life, getting what each one wants, little thinking that a price is being paid for each little thing, either in a material or non-material way. But then again my mind rebels with all the questions possible in my vocabulary,  thinking aren't there a lot of little things that doesn't come with a price tag?

But when you take life as a commodity, everything has a price. You pay  not only for the choices made in life, but also for the choices you never made. You pay for every thing happening around you in some way or the other. Some of the ways in which you pay are with your life itself, some with your time, freedom, money, trust, peace of mind, health, relationships, privacy, hard work and also tears. These are all your day to day life taxes that you pay for the life or living. when you think of it, it has no end. Time is one thing involved in many, and like life you while away the most. If you want to realize and work to fulfill a dream, there too sometimes a price has to be paid, in some way or the other.

Anyway, my thought about all these came from the realization of my fight for life. Throughout my life, I have been a fighter where my health or life was at stake. At the age of three life gifted me a lump on my thighs, on the eve of the surgery date, it disappeared and the price I had to pay for it was excruciating pain in that leg, till date. My three years of cancer took me through a lots of paths unknown and known to me. Cancer made me realize the value of life. The winding path I had to take always, never deterred me from my fight with life.

Now I have learned that apart from the trauma of going through the treatment of cancer and the after effects of it that is immediate, there are a lot of after effects that can prop up  even after years of completing the treatment. It differs in every individual and some survivors may never have any side effects whatsoever. This doesn't make me give up my fight. For me it is a new learning experience, though I never knew that cancer and its treatments can have so many repercussions. Today I am preparing myself to give a fight,  daring to challenge those effects, thinking I still have many little things that mean a lot to me and  am more blessed than I can ever think of.

I find it amusing that anything and everything happening in my body, doctors have a scapegoat to point out, cancer and its after effects. The excruciating pain in the bones, cancer is blamed. The weakening retina, cancer is blamed. I sometimes muse over it thinking, it is like you always try to find a scapegoat to blame for all that is happening to you in your life. Today I would like to say, it is like a wake up call, for all that you tend to overlook in the rat race of life, just not giving enough care to your body when you can and should have. You need to pamper yourself a little once in a way and relax, taking time away from all the mundane activities of life, just to rejuvenate and re-energize yourself.

It is true that no one knows what life holds tomorrow. But today I still find joy in doing what means the most to me and keeps me going, even when I am fighting it out with my body daily. Whatever may be the after effect of the creeping crab, I still have the strength and will to wade through it with a never give up attitude, knowing my fight gets tougher with each challenge hurled at me. A love for life, through  a love for myself, forever falling in love with myself.

Here I am reminded of the verse of Robert Frost,

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep,  

But I have promises to keep,  

And miles to go before I sleep,  

And miles to go before I sleep."

And yes, I have a dream to fulfill, promises to keep and duties to be fulfilled. And that keeps me going in spite of everything.

Power of the inevitable in life.

Life is sometimes too deep for words, that it is very difficult to describe it. For some it is a challenge of the inevitable accepting whatever is hurled in the journey of life. But for some it is a chase for whatever one thinks is missing, because of a mirage one is chasing. Instead of finding joy in the life you are given, it is the tendency of the human mind to go after what each one feels is perfect.

Life sometimes hands you joy in a platter and then with a blow takes away all you have, may be the only joy you are living for. In the rat race of life you tend to forget the ones living for you and run behind the ones who are just a mirage; you tend to forget the blessings you have been showered with while moaning about life in self pity seeking sympathy. Life is fleeting and you never know what the next micro second of your life holds for you.

Setbacks and challenges are inevitable and it is a fact that you emerge stronger and wiser, secure in your ability to survive in spite of everything.  You truly understand yourself and your inner power to survive against all odds when   tested by adversity continuously. It is a true gift to have painfully won it and worth more than anything else in the world that you only look forward to the little things that mean a lot in life. Life is simple as well as complicated, beyond anyone's control and it is the humility to understand it which enables you to survive its vicissitudes.

Everything said and done,  at times fate is too cruel for one to comprehend. I happened to call my friend and she told me about her son's friend who died in a car accident. My friend was devastated and in a shock after seeing the boy and his distressed mother. What a trauma it is for a mother to see her only son in that state. After hearing from her about the boy's mother and how fate has dealth a cruel blow to her, I just thought how uncertain and cruel it can be when facing the power of the inevitable of life. He was the only source of joy she was living for and then life suddenly snatches it away from her. How devastating life can be! But even at the time of sorrow that fate dealt her with, she donated all the organs of her son so that it can be alive through someone else's life. I salute that mother and being with her  at least in my thoughts, to share her loss.

A foresight of life through my eyes.

A vision is something you foresee for your life, but you can only foresee and fulfill it if  the vision of your eyes is intact till the end of your life.  A foresight is looking at life through a telescope. A foresight is never used to take care of the eyes that gives you vision till it is too late. Just like a tired body aches, the tired eyes to ache, but little heed is given to it till it is too late.

I had been feeling that even after a cataract surgery my power was increasing. I voiced it to my doctor, she said may be a film is covering the lens, go meet your eye doctor. I delayed it for three weeks, giving priority to other things at home and life. Yesterday I went to the doctor, and I explained my predicament to him. After initial look into my eyes through his  opthalmoscope, he told me that he has to get my eyes dilated. 

After dilating my eyes, I went in and he had a look at it properly and told me there is nothing to worry, just that my retina was a little weak. Though that did shake me up a little, I mused to myself, may be another challenge of a different kind. I asked him for the reasons for it and was told that for some people the radiation and chemotherapy can give that after effect. Apart from the trauma you have to go through while undergoing the treatment, I realized the real problems of the treatment of cancer, is the long term after effect an individual has to go through.  When you get cancer it invades your whole body in a way. 

I came back home, and got a forward about a dinner in the dark organised by three blind people, and was just thinking about it gazing outside , sitting on the steps in front. Just then, the street lights and the lights in front of each building started burning. I just looked at each light and realized I was seeing an aura around each light, that looked like a flower with many colors in it and I had not seen that till now. Suddenly I realized that it was due to the dilated pupils that I saw that beautiful sight. I was suddenly happy for that little blessing of viewing such a wonderful sight that made me happy. My little worry about my retina just disappeared  and I thought let me just enjoy the moment, something I learned from the butterflies that flutter around me daily.

I still had the vision to enjoy everything around me and that is what mattered. I have never worried about what can happen, lived the moments of my life feeling blessed for the little blessings that always meant a lot to me.

 “Attitude is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, money, circumstances, than failures and success, than what other people think, say, or do. It is more important than appearance, ability, or skill. It will make or break a business, a home, a friendship, an organization. The remarkable thing is I have a choice every day of what my attitude will be. I cannot change my past. I cannot change the actions of others. I cannot change the inevitable. The only thing I can change is attitude. Life is ten percent what happens to me and ninety percent how I react to it.” Charles R. Swindoll

Dance through life.

In every living moment of life, even with blisters of pain, you have to dance through life, not only with your feet but with your heart too. It is believed that a dance is the heart speaking in actions. Whatever it is that life bestows, you learn to dance in the rhythm of life, enjoying each step even if you have to bare your soul because dance reveals that in your life which music cannot. Life is always  uncertain, ever changing, out of control sometimes even in the best of circumstances and always challenging whether life is a smooth ride or a stepping on the toes. It has to move on with a rhythm, steering in a direction of its unfolding itself.  It is a fact that life dances and it is a mysterious gift of being alive, full of life. You have no other option but to dance along, with a skill of dancing through life and learning to move from pain to joy in life.

Life is a dance , where adversity is a misstep, but if you waltz through it gaining rhythm it is a challenging art of life. The various forms of dance are like the transitions in life. The music to which you dance is the rhythm of life. You can make it one that gives immense joy, while facing the challenges of life with all its expressions. It is a dance with all its expressions, one learnt as you go through life, where you either lead or follow. Though you know your steps, you may have to make up the steps at some point of time. In most of them you follow a music or you make up your own music to waltz, which is your choice and as you dance your feet is stepped upon. It can be a slow waltz or a fast one, but the best part of dance and life is that you can step in at any time, dance any form we choose to and it never matters if we know the steps or not. You can make them as you go unless you are dancing to a set rules of life. Dance as you wish but take care not to step upon another's feet while dancing. The rhythm of life takes you to the dance floor of life.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain."Vivian Greene. What ever happens in life, you can moan about it or dance your way enjoying the little blessings. If you keep moaning life becomes standstill without any rhythm. Turn the music of your life on and dance to its rhythm being thankful for the life you have been given and what you have. 

The scans of life.

Today scans are a part of the routine health check up and they could save lives.  A cancer patient and survivor  as a part of the routine check up has to go through the scans of life, to sustain good life because they can show if the cancer has made a come back in any part of the body. They help to identify variety of conditions in the body.  A pet scan helps in detecting cancer, revealing the spreading of cancer,  effectiveness of the treatment or recurrence of cancer.

For me each scan is a process of learning, always experiencing something new. The Pet scan in a new diagnostic center and the formalities too different each time.  On the basis of 'first come first serve' I paid and waited till they called for me. When my name was called, they asked for minute details, I didn't have to change into their uniform as I didn't have any metals on me. The nurse's query of which side made me smile and say both sides, and followed by a look of confusion as to which side to fix the IV set. I felt amused as usual at the thought of an IV set on my legs, but another nurse told her to fix it on the side that was operated first.

After all the formalities waited for my turn, and I went into the radiation room where Pet scan patients had to wait. I was injected with the radio tracer into my vein and the syringe was a big metal one that would amuse  a person. after that I was given a jug of medicated water to drink at my pace in an hour. It was a different experience and learning for me. My turn for scan came after patiently waiting for an hour. Before the scan I was given another glass of the concentrated medicated water.

After being strapped to the metal bed, I went to and fro in the scanning machine with few minutes of holding breath each time I went to and fro. The dye injected as usual gave a stinging pain that spread to every part of the body and then cooled it off. Again I went in and out of the machine. I had got used to the scan. My doctor asked me if I was fed up of all the scans, I told him I took it as a new learning experience each time I had to go for a scan. Any way the scan over I was made to wait in the scan pet scan waiting room.

Anyways, the Pet scan report didn't show anything alarming except for a thickening of the chest wall, that would be observed. All my organs intact, I was happy that I was better off than many others. Challenges keep coming taking me through unknown paths of life and that keeps me alive. I am happy for the little blessing in my life that mean a lot to me.

Living beyond sunset.

Somewhere beyond the horizon,
Life waits for me, 

With a treasure,

Of eternal love.

In the expanse of the sky,

A paradise of colors,

Where you'll find me,

If you care to see.

If you listen to the magic in sunsets,

Its silent sighs,

With beautiful rays,

Spreading a light of hope.

I long for the moments,

When the twilight curtain,

Drops down with a palette of

Artistic tapestry across the sky.

My sunsets take me along,

With deep passion,

To the end of my day,

For a beautiful tomorrow.

It gives me strength,

To endure the beautiful pains,

And bring back the lost me,

With  promise of a wholesome life.

Mother's endless love.

In the cradling arms

A mother's bosom

Lies a gurgling spring

Of endless love.

It eases pain

When anxiety clings

Wipes flowing fears

To pursue dreams.

Far away she churns

Yearns for a glimpse

A love deep & abiding,

Like a soothing lullaby.