My love story with the creeping crab.

As I look back on my journey of life, I realize that 2014 May, I celebrate my  cancer anniversary(Cancerversary). It marks the survival of me despite the pain, poking, discomforts, transformations and transmutations. The completion of an important, yet difficult phase of life that was absolutely meaningful.

Though I knew about the traumatic nature of the creeping crab, I chose to look at it as a journey of love, making use of all the tools that kept me positive. I never wanted to use the terms poison or deadly and chose to take all the procedures and treatment as a learning process and as a light of love.  I considered it as a gift to make a deep connection to myself and the value of life; the spirit that took hold of me in a positive way. There started my love story with the creeping crab, that came in the form of breast cancer.

My only aim in life became to capture the essence of any given moment, and make it a significant milestone of life. Even after all the chemo's and radiations,  the creeping crab was reluctant to leave me. It was all set to invade my tissues time and again, in the form of the suspicious looking atypical cells, that tend to act like cancerous cells. I felt that the creeping crab was madly in love with my body, but the born fighter in me was not willing to budge a wee bit. Sounds cruel and crude, but an ironical truth.

After two years of the love journey, it came back yet again threatening to seek vengeance. When I was being stripped down the layers of tissues physically, I realized the validity of my spirits that made me positive and felt very tender and joyful. First time I started loving the creeping crab, that made me what I am today - stronger and with more courage. I knew that it was embracing the unknown, accepting the unbelievable and then celebrating all the milestones - that of all surgeries, scans and the scars.

Sometimes life is all about taking a deep breath and pausing; then listening. It means continuing my fight with courage, renewed strength, by nourishing and taking care of myself. It also made me value  life and I  feel a kind of gratitude towards cancer, for allowing myself to shine and celebrate myself. The residuals, insights, moments of recurrences, FNAC's, the threat of atypical cells and the whole process marks the cancerversary as the ultimate and unique love story of my life - that with myself and cancer. It is always a bitter-sweet plot of life's journey.

Like many other love stories, my journey with cancer started in a fight and ended up falling in love with it, for what it made me realize, the importance of life, relationships, family and then my priorities in life. I was thrown head first into the world of cancer and accepted it with grace and courage. It is a love story, simply because something beautiful emerged out of that struggle and journey to survive, grow and shine with a positive radiance. Every person touched with cancer will have a story to narrate.

Today, after going through a second mastectomy, I feel that cancer, the creeping crab did make a drastic change, making me always positive, grabbing the odds and hurling them back to say try me again. It is a love/hate story of fear for some, but for some it is a love story, that made them survive against all odds. Though it does try to scare with suspicious looking cells, the fighter in me prepared for anything, a veteran as I am jokingly called, gives a tough time , instead of it giving me scary days. Isn't my love story interesting? After going through so much pain, the scars,  bruises, and all the trials,  I still feel, "Wow, I made it fighting all odds." I really feel triumphant that I made it with a smile. They say the scarred tissues are much stronger than the regular tissues. May be an after effect of the strong willed perseverance.

"The creeping crab does make you  realize what loss is, makes you fight and find your way out from the depths. You learn to appreciate life and that understanding fills you with an empathy; a deeper concern for the value of life. It is when the very core of your life is threatened, you realize the value of being alive and each day you wake up a blessing. It is then you look at the small things that gives you joy and count the little blessings being sent your way. It teaches you to believe in that which can cure the briefness of life, for there is no remedy for mortality. You learn to continue your belief in your doctors, the treatment, decisions; and most importantly yourself and your strength to endure. You learn to appreciate and enjoy every single day fighting all the negatives to stay positive."

I was a rebel, am a rebel and will continue being a rebel. And cancer made me stay a rebel forever. As Jim Valvano quoted, "Cancer can take away all my physical abilities. It cannot touch my mind, it cannot touch my heart, and it cannot touch my soul." I am a born fighter and will remain one against all odds.

The twilight glow of my life.

Twilight is the light between day and night; the illumination of the sky by the scattering sunlight at sunset. Twilight is that time of the day between daylight and darkness, when the sky is diffused with many colors, but often pinkish. It is that time of day that is important for a lot of reasons to many people. The sun dips below the horizon and its scattered rays creates a magical curtain of colors in the sky. The soft glowing light and hues of the sky when the sun disappears causing  a reflection of the sun's rays in the atmosphere to give out many colors, that's awe inspiring.

The sunset is different each day. But the magic it creates daily is something that is amazing. The twilight colors attract the eye. The diffused light from the sky when the sun sets and the colors that it refracts give lovely hues, making it beautiful with the fading sun,before the fall of night. Each day it gives a different experience. Sometime the twilight is grey with hues of pink, but the grandeur it gives with different shaded clouds spreading across the sky making you spellbound. With the magical tints that harmonize the sky, twilight drops the curtains of colors down to pin it up with a shining star. It is a transition of day and night, revealing the magic in it and in the daily moments of life.

As quoted by Howard Thurman "Twilight - a time of pause when nature changes her guard. All living things would fade and die from too much light or too much darkness, if twilight were not there."  Twilight is the fading away of light or vigor as you grow older and it is also the mystery of life. In  the twilight  of life, may be energy starts dwindling, but some people never wane in life, they may become less energetic. It is the attitude towards life that consequently decides what the twilight years holds for you.  Let it not eclipse your life completely.

The word "Twilight" has always attracted me, so also the twilight that comes twice between day and night. It is the twilight after sunset, before the darkness falls  that captivates my heart and soul.  As quoted by Ralph Fletcher in the book, ' Twilight comes twice,'  "it stays only for a short time, while day and night, stand whispering their secrets, before they go their separate ways." Twilight is the glow of life which promises you before darkness sets in that it doesn't last long and the sun will rise again with another twilight of hope to bring light in your life. The challenges and struggles in life too are not permanent. So when darkness falls in life, think of all the light that radiates in your life and look forward to the new day. There is nothing in life that spreads permanent darkness, but you need the will to tide over it. It is all in the mind and  your attitude towards life's challenges.

Everyone must have marveled at the magnificence  of the sunrise and sunset. The twilight sky inspires awe even when it is devoid of clouds, but the most memorable ones are those with the clouds that catch the colors of the setting sun and reflects it to the ground. It is the clouds that make the twilight more eye-catching producing vivid  colors, making it spectacular with the lovely hues it reflects from the sunlight. It is when the sun disappears behind dark grey clouds, the best colors are reflected by the white fluffy clouds above. It reflects all the colors of the rainbow in each cloud above and they merge together to make the most wonderful and spectacular sight one could ever witness. I wondered when I witnessed it, why the grey clouds were considered drab and dull by many, when the light of the fading sun reflected such beautiful colors from them.

Fighting the blues in the twilight of life, makes me feel alive and I fight the challenges of my life. Life is unknown, so is the twilight of your life. But I find my glow of life in the twilight.  To make it amazing, is in your hands by reflecting the positive rays of life and overcoming all the challenges that life throws at you.

Living through the Ultimate Truth of Life's Losses.

To grow up is a weird option to wrap your mind around your heart. As you go through your journey of life, your perspectives on everything hangs around you. The odds in life become pretty high. "Face the odds, crack and cripple them, not your life. Eventually you can juggle with them as juggling with the odds is a powerful tool of life. Every man has to juggle on the roller coaster of life facing gains, uncertainties, all types of pain and losses. Though juggling is an art of expertise, it teaches to juggle and walk through the pain and losses of life with our full potential. An art of the mind and body, to rule over the heart maintaining a balance between the heart and the mind. 

The most difficult aspect of life is to cope with LOSS, be it any type of loss, that life gives you. As you grow up and mature in life,  you realize that every man on earth gets the share of suffering and loss; but it all depends on how you face it and overcome it. Many always have the habit of quantifying things. It is a fact of life that the matters of the mind and heart, cannot be weighed, and no man can in reality go through another's pain or loss because it all depends on the attitude and emotional quotient. The day life is compared to another's, it is doomed and then what happens is, it becomes useless. That comparison hampers everything in life. 

The day you accept that loss is an inevitable factor of life, just as life itself, then it is easy to accept it and and move on in life. No one can fill up the void created by a loss, but a strength can be derived from it to bear it. It is not easy to accept the inevitable, it needs courage. The ultimate truth is no one can escape a loss, pain or trauma, it depends on your attitude how you face it. You have more strength than you can really comprehend. All the losses you have endured and overcome are touchstones of your life. 

The loss of all feminine parts can be the most traumatic for a woman. But it is really not a loss if it is taken as  a removal of that which threatens Life. Why not take it as a removal of that which has served its purpose in every sense of it and not one that hampers your physical appearance. It may sound crude, but is it not a fact. If you sit and mourn and lament over it, life may be only a time to do that, for a person who has seen only challenges in life.  If you learn to take life as it comes, challenge the odds straight on its face, and come out as a warrior with a smile. 

Sometimes my writings may sound ridiculous. Few say it is a show off of positive attitude, that is not in me but posed by me, but it is a fight I have been going through from the time I can remember. I  write all that  I experience. I dare to stay alive and positive in spite of all that I have gone through without dramatizing it to the world.  I don't care what people think of me or talk about me, it is my life and they have no idea of what my journey of life has been like, what  challenges I have gone through or still going through. I have seen, experienced and withstood all the losses of life. 

I have always believed in the ultimate truth of life and everything depends on your attitude towards life. "Life is a question, nobody can answer it. Death is an answer nobody can question it." But death is no answer to run away from life, that is a question. You have to live it, face it and finally emerge a veteran warrior. When you can hide a pain with your smile, then you can rule over your heart with  sheer grit and perseverance of your mind. 

I dare to bear .....the multifaceted pain.

“Always rely on a happy mind alone…. A controlled mind will remain calm and happy no matter what the conditions.”

This quote made me think of the pain and challenges in my life. A way to embrace pain, not by giving in to it. But by fighting and enduring it with a strong will. First time after so many surgeries complained of pain to the doctors, who were surprised. I found myself asking if it was the age or my endurance that was the culprit. I found my family doctor who has seen my journey of life as a friend, confidante and doctor smiling at my question.

Physical pain has to be endured and fought with, at least that is what fifty five years of experience with pain taught me. And the last thing I would do is rant and rave about it. Sometimes even when you find others rejoicing at your pain, I dare to smile in that pain. And knowing I accepted this pain with intention, when I could have avoided it.

When I spend whole day and night trying to do things that make me happy,  I find pain taking an upper hand and even my smiles show it out. But the fighter in me is not one to give in to it. I decided to fight it out with my words,  a smiley stress ball, crawling on the wall and counting on my fingers. Sounds childish. But I enjoy it.  Those are the exercises for my hand and fingers that I do throughout the day, to keep myself occupied and to recuperate my hand that has been robbed of its lymph nodes. So told my pain to hang itself because I know that it is the very biological function that makes us thrive and survive. It is also the alarm bell that warns.

It is easy to give in, be defeated and become a victim.....which is like suicide. But I dare to bear......and bare the pain as a warrior.Life is beautiful for only those who know how to celebrate the pain. Enjoy this time, every moment is precious in life.

As Norbet Platt quotes, "The act of putting pen to paper encourages pause for thoughts, this in turn makes us think deeply about life, which helps us regain our equilibrium."

A Longing heart in the tree of life.

Love, affection and care, is a many-splendored one that gives a throbbing feeling when you don't get it back. It may be a torture on your soul always if you take it that way and a feeling of completely,  hopelessly, desperately loving, all the while knowing it will never be returned,  one which makes the heart ache, but gives you joy of going through that agony. The pangs of unreturned affection never really dies....it goes into hiding in a remote corner of your heart.

Longing for lost affection, love and care is as futile as searching for the sun after sunset. The unrequited love, one I have known from the very age I learnt what  love really means ,is  loving someone so much, even knowing it will never be returned. It is an unselfish, unconditional feeling that makes you love someone with no motive behind it. It craves only for the well being of that person, without invading the privacy and happiness of someone.  It is never a fantasy of life.

Love is  the greatest feeling in the world. It does make your heart race, makes you feel like being on top of a mountain ,  walking on the misty air with a whiff of the cold breeze caressing you. . Unfortunately, just when you think your feet may never touch the ground, you can find yourself being crushed, by a sweet agony and an intense longing of that unrequited love. It is a chemistry that doesn't work, not because you are not worthy nor the other person reciprocating, it just leaves a sweet lull if you have loved right.  Love, affection, care, these are things money cannot buy. 

The unrequited love, care, affection, being a beautiful multi spendoured feeling is neither physical nor psychological, it is an emotional one with a lot of sentiments attached. Never is it a confusion of need, nor an obsession. Love is never possessively obsessive. Love is never a fantasy to find someone or something that is missing in your life.  A unrequited love is that burning flame of love hidden somewhere which wants only the best of everything for a person, with no selfish motives. The first love and pain experienced always hides in the corner of your heart, which is that aching sweet agony you always remember.

Any bond of life can get an unrequited feeling, when the yardsticks are different for all. That too gives an aching and longing, but always a sweet one. While nothing beats the burst of happiness that true mutual love can give you, nothing can feel as painful as experiencing unrequited love. But obsessive limerence is dangerous. One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can’t utter.  The heart is full, leave it to overflow on its own silently. It heals you of all pains endured.As Washington Irving quoted, " Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart."

“If my love were an ocean, there would be no more land. 

If my love were a desert, you would see only sand. 
If my love were a star- late at night, only light. And if my love could grow wings, I’d be soaring in flight.”
Jay Asher. 

When pain rains in your life, you realize the value of life itself.

It is an irony of life, that sometimes you realize the value of pampering  yourself for all the sacrifices made in life and all the pains endured, when it is rather too late to mend the overworked body. Still it gives a sense of satisfaction that the mind, soul and body, was used, misused and abused at times, for the welfare   and happiness of the loved ones. 

When you are on a journey of life,  accommodating others and neglecting the redressing of your own needs, then the body revolts on its own, before you could even realize it. It is then a revolution of the 'You' challenging you to look at it with a different perspective. Anything and everything  needs to balance itself, to walk the tight rope of life, be it even your own self.

Life is really worth more than valuing, feeling inadequate or wallowing in self pity looking for a shoulder to cry upon. It is the real pain in life that makes you realize that life is the most valuable commodity. A life is never dependent on another. It is an entity by itself. The psychological, emotional and physical pain, all these depend only on one person and that is "YOU." A very late realization that a man comes all alone to this world, and you have only yourself to heal, inspire, motivate and rejuvenate.  Every man is lonely, even when many loved ones are around you. Only YOU can heal your own pains and it is foolishness to look forward for emotional empathy. The day this realization comes, you are at peace with yourself. 

The best healer in any pain is the nature surrounding you. A lover of nature always, I realized its impact and healing capacity on me, after the creeping crab invaded my body. The magical sunset, the sky, the clouds, river, sea, mountains, trees , rains and cloudy skies; everything around me brought happiness and I considered them the little blessings sent my way. I found a childish joy in getting drenched in the rain,allowing the raindrops to fall on my face to heal me. I felt a kind of childish excitement while digging my toes into the sand when the playful waves caressed my feet.  It was like feeling myself energized when I could take in a whiff of the fresh misty air on the top of the mountains. 

The first time I was robbed of an organ, making me less feminine in appearance, I had not known what was in store for me, neither the pain nor the trauma. Living through it was nothing short of a penance of life. Even after coming out of that which seemed a never ending tunnel, I still had the sword of Damocles hanging over my head, in the form of another lump. The born fighter in me fought against all odds of life. Always felt it is these challenges and pains that kept me alive, taught me the value of my life and me. 

When life gave me the creeping crab as company, the triple negative one that was most aggressive, I had prepared myself for a long battle. Today I have become a veteran in the eyes of my loved ones and my doctors, who helped me fight my battle. But it is really the one battling through all the trauma who does, through sheer grit and courage. When my lump was always painful, the oozing fluid and blood landed me yet again in the most sophisticated cave. I had started my battle once again. When the suggestion of the lumpectomy was given, I opted for the mastectomy, knowing very well what was in store for me. I wanted the removal of that which threatened me with invasion of the creeping crabs. Pain rained on me, but I realized the value of LIFE. It is these pains that keeps me grounded and feel alive to fight out the challenges. 

It was then I realized how we take life for granted. How we hesitate to take the right decisions of life, letting the heart rule over the mind. Life is always a battle between the mind and heart. I rebel and question with my mind, all that the heart tries to dictate. You suffer silently for those who can uproot the very foundation of life, neglecting your loved ones. If ever I wanted to be happy, that depended solely on me. "Every man walks a lonely path in the journey of life, as you have only yourself in life and nobody else. All those who are with you are your co-passengers who go off, when they reach their destination. You are your own sole companion, solace, healer, inspiration and rejuvenation. 

I am just like any one else, a normal human being. But I am a born fighter. I have a strong fortress of strength , courage and positive attitude. Like anything in this life, the seasons do threaten to weaken it time and again. I try and garnish them with the natural ingredients to see that it doesn't crumble or wither away. My biggest asset is my "Never give up" stand that I have taken all along my life that had always been a long winding path with lots of hair pin bends and my "Positive attitude."

"Even when pain lashes out at me testing my patience and fortitude,
I DARE to burn, even when I turn to ashes."

The Resonance in Reverberations.

In every sound, there is hidden music. I have always loved the blissful sounds of nature, those that goes deep into the heart and soul; giving an eternal joy washing away all the anxiety into nothing.  There is music in nature, in every sound you hear, it is the distinction of sounds that makes it a lovely melody and harmony; all this depends on how you want to take it. All my life I have been a lover of sounds, be it those heard from nature or the ones from a machine. 

"Magnetic Resonance Imaging", is a medical imaging used in radiology to investigate the anatomy and the functioning of the body in both health and disease. It was the second time I was going under this scanner. Every time I underwent a scan, I found new experiences in it.  It was like going into a sophisticated cave, listening to a lot of sounds and echoes; then emerging out into the open with your ear still buzzing with sounds. I was wishing that they allow an ear plug with music in it. As that could not be done, was lying down and trying to find the musical notes in those sounds.

 As the scanning process started, I could hear clicking, hammering, single sounds, which picked momentum and turned into louder continuous clicking, hammering, scraping type of sounds, in which I was trying to find some kind of melody. The most important thing during the whole process was that I lie down in the same position without any movements, hands up, surrendering to the machines sounds.  The hand up position was  to inject the contrast dye into the IV Line, fixed prior to the scan.

While the MRI procedure itself caused no pain, having to lie still for the length of the procedure caused some discomfort or pain. As the scan progressed, the sounds too become louder, making me wonder about the types of sounds I was able to hear. Though there was a certain rhythm in it, I was trying to listen to it as it were the best musical sounds I had heard. At a point of time I felt, my heart beat was a better sound to listen, but then I tried to synchronize it to the sounds around me.

I was trying to feel the resonance of the sounds reverberating around me, inside the sophisticated little cave I was reeled into, to find out if the creeping crab had reinstated its attack into my tissues again. Instead of the sounds of music, I was trying to find music in the sounds produced inside the machine.  It was beside the point, if the creeping crab had returned to attack or not, whatever may be the outcome, I am ready to give it a tough time by fighting it out of my system yet again.

Music has amazing powers on the mind and body. Socrates once said, "when the soul hears music, it drops its' best guard." That, for me, was really one of the highest description of the power that music had. I tried to find that music in the sounds I heard. 

A Sunset to muse through my Lifetime.

Some memories have that effect to always warm you up from inside. It gives you a deluge of sentiments that overwhelms you and makes you smile. It may be due to the unexpected turn of events that made it a garland of beautiful memories to drift through all the pains of life. It is an amazing memory that will always be remembered because it holds so much emotional value; you never want to let it go. The trip to Mysore was neither official nor a vacation. It was a tour to meet a little one. It was meant to be an experiment of a mother and a teacher to find answers for many rebelling questions of the mind. It was like meeting a long lost family. A rapport built through letters and phone calls. It was a reunion of an unforeseen bond, between a son and mom.

Travelling to Mangalore was unexpected and an unforeseen one. Sometimes it is such unforeseen events that captivate the heart and mind to make beautiful memories. When a journey is not pre-planned or predestined it becomes a wonderful experience and the resulting joy is boundless. In fact, a true travel experience should begin from the heart and mind. Driving by road is one of the best ways of enjoying a peaceful journey through a picturesque, leaving one wonderstruck at its beauty. What made it more special, were the little titbits exchanged and the mischief that always lingered, in between the light chatter.

Though I knew that stretches of Western Ghats is full of breath-taking views which mesmerize the people who travel by, I was awe struck seeing one of the best spell-binding scenic drive. I was always a nature lover and the mountains always enthralled me. There is a unique enchantment that suddenly takes you unawares when you find the wondrous beauty of  an unknown territory that you have only seen in some rare clicks; those clicks that spoke a lot, wished to see them yourself and then results in seeing the world differently . A journey, that transcends all expectations and imaginations.

I sat deeply rooted to my seat first time in life, with the excitement of 

a child. It was like seeing that which one visualizes in the mind viewing a captivating picture. The foliage in different shades of green and the eye catching oranges, yellows and browns of leaves really took my breath away. The hairpin bends and screeching of tyres brought me back to reality. As we travelled along the hairpin bends, down below I could see the majestic and thick jungle of trees proudly displaying its greenery like a thick carpet.  The sight of the trees along the roadside with different coloured foliage was like revisiting something that you have seen and admired.  I sat wondering what it was that made it so breathtaking. Was it seeing before you, that beauty imprinted in your mind and heart from a lovely photograph or the joy of being able to see something that your mind visualised?

As I sat, watching the beauty of the Ghats, I could see the sun changing its colour,  getting ready to go behind the mountains and disappear.  The sunset is always magical and mountains added to its magic.  The sun was going down with the back­drop of an array of colours and the sky afire with a golden glow.  For me, there is something about  sun­set that  is always so con­nect­ing with a deeper part of myself, and with just how awe­some and amaz­ing it is to realize that one day of my life, though gone forever, is  a sunset to remember the rest of my lifetime.

The bright hues, with the com­fort­ing still­ness of the sur­round­ing sky made an image that still shines beauty on everything in me. .  And there’s some­thing very calm­ing about the set­ting sun, as the day fades into night that promises of a new sunrise the next day.  As I soaked this in, mes­mer­ized by its beauty, I was reminded of what a truly spectacular sunset it was and a blessing to have seen the sun disappear behind the mountains.   I watched with an unwavering gaze, as the fiery red orb of light slowly sank behind the mountains, and threads of light lingered in the sky, the glowing embers of a dying fire of red  looked down, illuminating a curtain in the sky.

The best part of any journey is to enjoy that beauty around you with an added bit of laughter and joy. It becomes a double joy when the others too enjoy the beautiful scenery. It was a drive to remember throughout life as the atmosphere turned into a very friendly and affectionate one with a unique sense of belonging, like a family. There is something very special about the bond that was nurturing.  It was like a get-together of a family.  It is said that a mom makes an indelible imprint on the life of her children, even on an overgrown one. A motherly affection that had been in the unforeseen bond before meeting itself silently grew into a unique one of understanding.

Of all the riches and assets we acquire in life, perhaps the most valuable one are our memories, which we hold close to the heart. Memories are those that cannot be stolen or taken away from us. Memories can be replayed, relived, and rejoiced at all times, anywhere, and it gives us immense joy as they rustle through our mind. The older one gets, the larger our memory banks become and like anything else in life, they energize us in the sunset of life. The memories that stay with us the longest are those that resonate with experiences of love, giving, compassion and laughter.

Every waking moment of daily life, and some of the non-waking moments, we keep making memories. Majority of them vanish before the day is gone, very few last. Some come back when reminders come along, but most of them are lost forever. We deal with these by writing diaries or taking photos and it all helps in the quiet moments of life as we age. To reflect upon these cherished memories with loved ones, keep us going in the painful moments of life, as they come back to us from deep within. A memory deeply etched in my mind to cherish forever.

Along the rapids in the river of life.

The river is a continuous representation of life, which provides knowledge to us without words. A river always starts with a trickle of air and water, born of the earth. They start slowly and quietly, learning to crawl along a zigzag way before they take off down a hill or path which eventually builds up into a roaring noisy one pouring down.  We too start out in life slowly; learning to crawl before we walk and talk, then run and yell. The river then goes on its path, slows down and moves in a leisurely way yet again, and at some point of time becomes stagnant. Life too, hits peaks and valleys along the journey, most of the time getting by, doing next to nothing.

Human life is compared to a flowing river that is a unique phenomenon of nature, where water is always being added to the existing water. Our life too has a lot of twists and turns. The journey  of life is like the flow of a river, focussing on the journey whether it is our inner awareness, transformation or recovery of life, when there could be much more going on beneath the surface.  The signs on the surface could be the symptoms of much more seriously underlying problems of life, which is crucial for the survival.  We end up resisting the painful currents and missing the chance to learn and grow.

As Emma Smith quoted, “Life is like the river, sometimes it sweeps you gently along and sometimes the rapids come out of nowhere,” human life is so much like a river. Sometimes it goes on smoothly as if there were no challenges in life, but at times we see challenges coming all of a sudden from nowhere, taking us by surprise which tends to shake our very foundation and equilibrium of life. We humans, unlike the river, are not able to face the rapids that life brings us. The river does not step back from the obstacles that come on its path. They face it and reach the destination. Be like the river, always moving forward in pride and honor, setting its own path to the sea.  Our life is a continuous flow of experiences and lessons learnt, like the life of a river is expressed in its flow, which is powerful beyond our comprehension. Even when the river runs into obstacles, it finds its own way past all resistance. Our life too, in comparison to a river has a constant flow of changes, from the calm and steady currents, through the speeding rapids and waterfalls.

Whatever may be the river of our life, it is important to be fully present in the flow of the situation. When we are in the rapids, it is no use swimming against the current because the river of life will definitely take us there. The rocks that find way into our life make us stronger. The river keeps flowing in spite of the rocks on its path, splashing on the rocks, finding way around it and finally wearing them down. The most important fact we learn from the rapids of life and the river, is that the river knows no time, as it has only the ‘now’ of life. While navigating through the rapids, yesterday and tomorrow has no value. Either way, life goes on because the river of life does not end there. 

The undercurrent is the driving force of the river. It is a unique living thing with a soul and personality, that effect and influences us deeply. We too have a hidden force that drives us forward in life. The spirit that is strong and vibrant, sometimes beautiful and unknown too.  The rapids of life erupt from the obstacles beneath the surface.  To stay afloat at times, may seem to be a grueling task, but we struggle to adapt to the rapids and understand that the turbulence are a part of our life’s flow. A river sometimes flows over a winding path of rock cliffs, suddenly dropping into a waterfall. They are strong and powerful; but one of the most beautiful phenomenon of nature. The waterfalls of life, interferes our normal flow with such great force that it throws us out of gear into an emotional fall. It seems like a curtain, from a distance, with each drop going through a difficult experience to come down, on its way to its destination. Our life too is like that. The feelings are intense, powerful and unpredictable, making us fear that we may lose control of our life. But if we are willing to ride the fall, we can enjoy the feeling that awaits us, in the gentle swirling pool at the bottom.

Our life begins like a drop of rain that becomes a stream and then finally a river that flows into the ocean. We too are like them. We have to face obstacles and challenges. At times the river is in spate causing massive floods. So is our life, facing the raging rapids that sometimes leaves indelible prints. Life is at times gentle and peaceful like the stream. It keeps flowing till it ends in the sea. The river is never at the same point; it keeps flowing on its journey, though it rarely backtracks. And those times that it does, it becomes stagnant. It does change its course when faced with obstacles, but it still flows to its destination as the river is patient and persistent.

Sometimes the stream of life may be stronger. It is no use resisting and going against the current of life. When we experience the currents of life’s river, keep moving forward and the flow will bring us along in its journey.  Let the positive currents pull us forward, towards the path of life. Like the rivers, let us crisscross the landscapes of life and find the best path to navigate and reach the destination through life’s rapids.

Life is a river which flows irrespective of what it has to encounter. We cannot change or stop all that happens to us. But we can change the viewing lens of our attitude and keep learning something new. The best and most fruitful way connecting to life is by spending time with nature.  Allow nature to weave its magic on your body, mind and soul.  Life is beautiful and magical like a river. There is beauty in the rapids too, if only one has the patience to look at it. The destination is set but it is our journeying that counts and it is up to us. We can cruise down the river of life with patience or speed up and crash over the rapids or keep spinning around the whirlpools. Everything depends on how we navigate through the thousands of small choices that we make every day.

In the fleeting dewdrops of life.

Life is transitory like a dewdrop on a blade of grass. In the gentle breeze the dewdrop plays on the grass blade, sliding down till it comes to the tip and hangs there in all its brilliance, like a diamond. It reflects the world around it in all its splendour, symbolizing the life you live. The dewdrops that fall on the tall grass blades balance itself delicately as the grass blade sways in the gentle breeze, resolving to enjoy the fleeting moment it has been given. They slide down in oblivion either to splash down into a no man’s land or to become one with the whole.

We cannot visualize anything more breathtakingly beautiful than a spider’s web covered with dewdrops that radiate beauty in the morning sunlight. Every dewdrop in it reflects the other dewdrops and the world around it, showing that life is always intimately connected to everything around you. It is a sight that makes you stand in awe, gazing at the spider’s web with the dew drops shining like diamonds and the spider in the middle of it. It is intriguing as it is like a man caught in a web of his own circumstances. The spider patiently and painstakingly weaves a web and the finely spun web shows the invisible tiny threads that connects us to the people in our life. The dewdrops glistening on it, is like the reflection of those connections in life.

The dew of life forms beautiful drops, just like the dewdrops on a grass blade and the sun’s rays make it look like diamonds with tints of rainbow in them. When you see, hear and feel the wondrous ways of nature, it starts giving you a better insight to life in comparison to the beauty of nature that surrounds you.  Each tiny dewdrop comes from nature and will return to it. Every tiny droplet, has its own unique beautiful shape and each dewdrop carries its own world inside it, its own reflection of everything around it , reflecting a light of radiance. It is really precious to be shinning in the sun, showing its own unique self, the endless way of engaging the life span it has been given.

Observing these tiny dewdrops in the morning really awakens and improves a day; reminding you of the true and precious nature of your life, how a tiny entity can be a blessing that brings light and motivation to your thoughts. They make you realize that, it is better to allow light to shine through you, and not grumble or groan through life, making yourself miserable.  The dewdrop that is caught in the light, making it glow with rainbow colors is a beautiful unequaled gem of nature. So are you,  precious, unique and different in your own way. The dewdrops of morning seen with a ray of light and hope is a spark of inspiration to the soul.

The dewdrop though a tiny entity, it is a reminder that radiates hope. Like the tiny dewdrop every thought, imagination, feeling and action influences our attitude towards life. The dropping dew is  nurturing the power of hope, faith, trust, and compassion. It is pure nourishment to the inner light in you and the water of life. A tiny entity of the universe that a dewdrop is, it carries a multidimensional facet, the fusion of an individual and inspires the 'now' in you. The tiny ball of water that is suspended in the air has inside it all the colours of the universe. The morning dewdrop greets you afresh, fills you with awe and wonder, making you realize that every moment of life is precious and to be cherished before it disappears forever.  That tiny drop captures the eyes and imagination with an aura of beauty bringing in the fullness of life in it. The life that shines through you, manifesting and creating a light of fullness. You too can be content with life like a dewdrop and also reflect the best and most special in your own way.  Just like a dewdrop, shine while it lasts and then give in with radiance to become one with the whole.

I love to play with dew drops that comes in the wee hours just at the arrival of dawn. To see the drops hanging so delicately hanging on a grass blade or flower, picking up the colours around them is so beautiful and breathtaking. All the colours and the world around them held inside a tiny ball of water, suspended in the air is a feast to the eyes and joy to the beholder. 

Every dewdrop is a tiny entity of this endless universe.
Each reflecting its own surroundings,
Radiating light from the other like a diamond,
A tiny entity of life,
Radiantly carrying its own world in it."

Bring illumination to the Inner Spark in you.

There is an eternal spark within all of us that brings in light and truth, which is the true essence of what you are made up of.  It is what you are, what you have been and what you will be always.

 Sometimes you feel you are about to get overpowered with feelings and set out to reason it with your whole being.  You feel like a pinball machine that is on a tilt, with all the lights in it flashing, buzzers in it ringing and all the circuits in it about to get fried.  You are electrified and in a whirling motion with nothing coming in or going out of it, with the wires sparked and fizzled.  The inner spark in you that had been irreplaceable begins to dwindle for a moment, you find a firefly flying in with its luminous light, then you realize that it has come to spark the irreplaceable light into a flame and drive away the negative vibes that might have surrounded you. The sight of firefly lighting up the darkness is a magical moment that makes you hold a breath and you feel your senses have been suddenly alerted, watching it keenly for the next flash of its light. Those are sparkling moments which brighten up our spirit adding those little moments of brilliance and joy that fly past you to bring light back into our inner self. It is an affirmation, an unexpected moment of joy and a touch of beauty found in nature.

A firefly symbolizes the illumination   of the inner spark in you, teaching you that the light within is the power of life.  When you see a firefly its glow lights up the darkness and that moment takes  you on a magical journey. They are the kind  that add those sparkling moments to our lives. They are the little moments of brilliance and joy which we discover in the course of a normal day. It shows us the energy of the heart of a child and the magic of believing in miracles. It is believed that the firefly sings a song, “This light of mine, I’m going to let it shine,” bringing in the awe and wonder of nature in the world around us. It gives us an amulet of the essence of the “Magic and beauty of believing in miracles,” without doing harm to others in any way or sucking up all the life with sympathy or self pity.  It fills light in the darkness of night and gives sweet memories of life. It has a very short lifespan, but keeps glowing, spreading light to all around. It is a motivation and inspiration to seek that extra spark which gives you immense strength.  It shows us the power of patience and perseverance; and the importance of our inner self is what makes us shine from the inside irrespective of the external appearance.  It shows us the value of simple living and relying on our own inner spark for lighting up  They also come with a message of creativity, talent and remind us that our paths are made lighter by the beauty and shine we allow into our lives.

There are people we meet who may not have a big role to play in our lives, who happen to have a special appearance in our lives. Some, who influence us, bring in the drift, the force of whose association may lead us forward in life.  We may not have thought of them, not heard about them, but all that exists is the moment, that brought in a spark of inspiration, a new found hope, a purpose to fulfill something and; being there to find it, reach it and accomplish it for them. They are the ones who may bring meaning to our lives. They bring the hope of light, when in complete darkness. A glow of light appears bringing the life back and beginning to hope again. They are the guides like a firefly, inspiring with a natural instinct to glow their light which is fascinating. Inspiration feeds a person’s creative pulse. It begins by bubbling up of new ideas. The creative inner spark is ignited and you have the inner spark to go forward in life. They light up the diminishing spark with hope and inspiration. In everyone’s life, at some time, our  own inner light goes out and is kindled by the spark from another person and burst into flame with the encounter of someone who comes into your life.

Those are the times you suddenly realize; that person has touched your life in a special way, and you are encouraged by that personal touch of inspiration to look at the small blessings and joy that rustle past you unknowingly in life.Fireflies have always been a fav for me,and when I was a child, used to run behind them. Even in the dark, they fly around showing a spark and as I grew up used to be amused by them. But now think of it as a positive being, though it's life is short lived, it still gives light to those around

"They are the ones who bring meaning to our lives, who happen to inspire, who spark a fire that we carry with us for the rest of our days, who are but pillars of hope and sometimes sacrifice, life-changers, life-savers, catalysts." Chirag Tulsiani

Through the foliage of life.

"A withered maple leaf has left its branch and is falling to the ground; its movements resemble those of a butterfly in flight. Isn't it strange? The saddest and deadest of things is yet so like the gayest and most vital of creatures? "Ivan Turgenev

A fallen leaf makes us reason and reflect on life itself...it also reminds us that everything in life is temporary and that it is a constant cycle of “Life and Death.”  A leaf falls because nature wills it. Leaves are transformed into beautiful, magnificent colours just before they loosen from the tree  and fall down on the ground.  They become flush with bright colours and mesmerize us with its breathtaking display and their rustle in the wind. The changing colors of the leaf are a reminder of life, and that there is a more receptive side to life’s changes. They don’t change color on its own, it happens due to its chlorophyll in it revealing the amazing oranges, reds and yellows. Leaves don’t make it happen on its own. So are the changes in life. It happens when we are willing to simply let go of something that is dominant.

The changing foliage never fails to surprise and delight us. Fallen leaves are a reminder that each carries different experiences, colours and meanings throughout life- showing us to shed and let go of all that happens. It is a symbol of life, graceful aging and death. A leaf changes beautifully from green to orange, red, yellow which is eye catching and then finally turns brown, withered but still not giving up till one day it falls to the ground in death. A tree standing tall in all its splendor with different colored leaves, is a soothing sight to behold. It is one that holds you in awe. It is a perfect example of how to age gracefully with dignity in all its beauty.

It is really worth contemplating the journey of life, comparing it to a leaf. At one time of life all are riding high with clear roads ahead, still seeing only unseen obstacles, that can stop motion forward. The leaf in fact represents life’s changes, struggles, trials, happiness and death. Leaves are more abundant in a particular season and so are opportunities in life. It is great to take up an opportunity to bring about a positive change in the growth of someone’s life. Through the years of ageing, the experiences help to bring about the change and guide through a difficult phase of growing up. A leaf signifies truth and the evidence of passage of time in life.

Whatever we say or do is a form of our unique expressions. The beliefs, preferences, habits, fears and understanding are the leaves of our tree, which allows us to interact and commune with the rest of creation by making us unique and different. It is the consciousness that gives wings to take efforts for others. It makes our identity and our expression makes us attached to others as our own; to refine and reintegrate into an evolved understanding.

We create an intimacy on foliage that makes us think about change. Shapes alter, forms sharpen, and tones become muted. We hear the rustle that makes us look closer. We listen to the whisper of leaves and notice the allure of colours, the constant shift and diffusing of leaves into reds, oranges and yellows. It is the understanding of change that surrounds us and makes us aware of it. We learn to cherish the blaze of energy surrounding us and the captured sunlight on the foliage of life. We learn to bask in the beauty of creation, and live every thought and deed of life as unassumingly as the sunlight into the depth of endless space, introspecting that one moment of glow into the vibrant splendor of realization. The leaves in the changing seasons, make us aware of the welcome transformations of life with the passage of time, the power of beautifully maturing and acknowledging those things, the ideas and people we value the most.  It is the turning of every living moment with the light of awareness burning brighter and faster; ultimately bursting all the shackles and revealing, the unique self with dignity and beauty, before we wither away into nothingness and a no man’s world.

The fallen leaves give an insight to life.... They rustle under the feet, smell good and sometimes the wind drives them into a frenzy of dancing shapes. They are useful in many ways. They drift slowly to the ground making a carpet to walk upon. We tread upon the breathtakingly colourful textures, those leaves that beautifully grew old, those that were full of light and color in its last days, Sometimes the carpet of fallen leaves look so delicate when it covers a path or highways, that one mostly hesitate to tread upon it. The carpet of fallen leaves, act as a protection to the fallen seeds, paving way to sprout gently when the time comes. The fallen leaves are of use in different ways, as is life. The leaf and its falling down is an allegory that illustrates the delicate balance of life.  Everyone does things differently, look at life differently and deal with seasonal changes differently.  We may grow old and wither, but still stand tall and unique in our own way, being useful in every possible way. The fallen leaves, whispers words of wisdom as they rustle in the gently breeze or strong winds, as in real life too.

"Falling autumn leaves teach us of the beauty of endings, of the bright flame of passion that doesn't die but is reborn when life is transformed. The death of our bodies, relationships, dreams and hopes can all feel deeply sad, and rightly so, for suffering is as real as joy and loss is painful. But hidden within the darkness of loss lies a mystery, and although that mystery will always foil our attempts to understand it with our minds, Nature will sometimes offer us a clue as if to say: There! Can you see it in the brightness of these leaves?" Philip Carr-Gomm

In the Chrysalis of life.

“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world the master calls a butterfly.” Richard Bach.

A cocoon is an imaginary cover you make for yourself, to keep yourself safe.  A cocoon can be a place to cultivate the courage to accept, stop fighting hard, regenerate, replenish and embrace the metamorphosis of life.  Sometimes it is a phase of quiet contemplation of your life’s journey or introspection to have a breather to a beautiful spell of insight into life. They sometimes become a respite for a weary soul and a precious time to cherish the lovely memories.  The cocooning is a challenging one, going through the whole process of metamorphosis because it is the most breathtaking, majestic and awe-inspiring transformation of life. The cocooning is not a thing or place to fear or hide forever, but for bringing a positive transformation to your life. Everyone gets cocooned in life sometime or the other. The change that goes on in a cocoon is not always a pretty one, but the result of it is a very beautiful one.

Even a very positive person sometimes gets cocooned in the day to day challenges of life. It is quite natural to feel low and wanting to disappear from the face of the earth.  It is a temporary phase, because you are confused, sometimes hurt, or angry with yourself.  All those who have been through a trauma, a major life transition, may understand this. As a human being, you do it too, though not physically. It is a psychological metamorphosis that may happen several times in our lives.  You have a lot of transitions from baby to child, child to adolescent and adolescent to adult, and the obvious well-recognized stages of a life cycle of a man.  They may seem rather difficult.  Even after growing up, sometimes your identity is not a fixed one because you change when you get married, become a parent, switch jobs,  change places, get sick and many other responsibilities that never ends till you reach your grave. But it depends on how you take all this. Yes there are moments where you are at your wits end, not knowing what to do, which way to turn or which path to take.  It overpowers you only when you become a victim to that feeling or situation and; that can make you miserable and hopelessly helpless.  Your challenges and sufferings, do not have to cripple you, it can actually help us fly if you can look at it as a part of your growth in life. The most wonderful part of any stress or suffering is the moment you let the situation be as it is, leaving it to nature to take its own course and come out of it......that is the time when you feel that every minute of your worry and suffering was worth all the pain and anguish.

In all the stages of life, however it is, you  who needs to alter your definitions of self, which requires not only small adjustments in way of life and thoughts, but sometimes a full -fledged metamorphosis. Whether the caterpillar is emotionally stressed is a big question, but what needs to be pondered is that for humans it is stressful many a time.  The best way out is to understand the process of change, and keep going.  The metamorphosis also includes catalytic changes like falling in love, breaking up, getting or losing jobs, having children and emptying the nest. Each phase needs to be dealt with carefully, though it is  a very difficult and traumatic phase. It never helps to sulk or brood over it.  You need to cocoon by taking care of yourself and not  grieving or going into sympathy seeking and self pity, .  It is frustrating and the least you can do is to relax,control and trust the process with a will to get out of it.  You will cycle through all sorts of denial, anger, sorrow or acceptance that you have to experience and come out of it just as a caterpillar painfully comes out as a beautiful butterfly.

It is really a great thing to contemplate on the concept of cocooning through the major transitions of life. It does help us to grow with a deeper insight to life.  Most of us spend our life mindlessly crawling like caterpillars. Then lot of things interrupts our crawl, making us suddenly look beyond our horizons and long to become a butterfly. What we often forget is the painful transition from a caterpillar to a butterfly. In fact we avoid that to a ‘feel good’ attitude. But the fact of the matter is that cocooning is the secret of healing in a positive way.  It teaches us a lot, if you look at the depth of that transition. Looking at it in a positive way, the caterpillar spends most of its time wandering aimlessly. When the time comes to its becoming an adult, it wanders away to a sheltered, safe place and pupates or transforms into an adult. During this metamorphosis, its body is broken down and goes through a lot of physical changes; the cocooning then turns into a safe place for all its painful changes which makes it a beautiful butterfly.  The transition that takes place gives us a deeper insight that we may not always be in a comfort zone and that we can really tackle all challenges without fear and in a positive way.

Each one of us has a choice, everyday; to go right or left, straight or ahead, backwards, crawl or soar towards the sky, leading us to different destinations.  You can be successful or defeated in life. You can strengthen your wings; gather courage and your inner strength to continue the journey of life that we are on.  It is your attitude towards life that governs you. It is a life of accepting changes in a gentle way, with patience.  If you don’t even try to overcome the turbulence that rocks your life, then you will be sucked deeply to be a victim of your circumstances and perhaps never find an escape from it. Sometimes the struggles are an important part of life, because if you were to go through life without any obstacles, you would not be strong nor been able to fly high with strength and enthusiasm.  Just when the caterpillar thought that world was over, it became a butterfly.  So when you get weighed down in life with all the stress, suffering, challenges or obstacles, think of it as  a cocoon stage to emerge out of it painfully with a positive attitude and more strength that makes you beautiful, unique and different from others.

We all have times when life feels hard, when we are frustrated and tired and just want to hide away. If that’s you right now, don’t worry- every caterpillar has to rest to become a butterfly and you'll soon find your wings again.  Anna Taylor.

Be content in one’s own shell.

“Try to be like a turtle, at ease in your own shell.” Bill Copeland.

I have sometimes wondered, what it meant by shell....Our home....Our mind....Or our self on the whole. What happens to us, when the shell is our mind?  What is it that makes us uneasy?  Would we be comfortable? We have to be at ease in our own shell. I am pondering over how we would do that? So I turned to the quote, what if we were a turtle, and then what?

The turtle is the animal most at ease in its own shell. Most of us are sensitive of our own strength and drawbacks, whether it is real or imagined. “Be at ease”, “take it easy,” are some of the phrases we come across on a day to day basis. Life sometimes keeps throwing curve balls at us and we have to keep picking up ourselves, to keep going through the journey of life. We learn to become at ease in our own shell. We are in a constant battle with ourselves, which means we have to believe in ourselves or we lose peace in life. If we take a few moments to look within, and discover the wonders of ourselves, we learn to be at ease in our own shell. It can be challenging because we are being ourselves and being at ease with the thought of being what we are, who we are and being content with it.

All of us sometimes go into our own shell once in a while to introspect or contemplate on what we are. Why we do it, is certainly a very difficult question to answer.  But, then there are moments we want to be in our own shell, to be in solitude with oneself.  It is a kind of feeling that is difficult to comprehend. It is a kind of desire to detach oneself from everything around you and form a kind of detached attachment to bear the cross on our own. 

The moment we open up, a whole new world opens up. It is a good to be out from a quiet withdrawn state, out into the open with determination to be what you are and stand up for what you believe in.  To be like a turtle, at ease in our own shell, means imbibing the values of a turtle’s life.  To be patient, challenging, unique, different and shining in our own way. Be indomitable and one who inspires, treading carefully carrying a baggage of life.  Realize that each shell is unique.

The fact remains that all are not the same. It is a unique and amazing quality to be content and comfortable to be what you are. The most important fact is, find the inner talents and make use of them.  Imbibe a positive attitude, realizing that we all have our own invisible shells, just like the turtle that has a real one. We have our own comfort zone within the carapace. Be content with it and respect it. It is a space that defines what we love and what we are unique at. Believe in yourself and remain what you are. Improve on the characteristics already there and attain new talents and put them in. This shell defines you and you have to be proud of it, carrying it with confidence wherever you are or wherever you go. It is a shell, your own shell, something from where you emerge.....with an innate, indwelling peace, stillness, positivity and a state of being alive. It is the unconditioned person, who you are in your essence, content to be what you are and the talents you have. It is a self acceptance and self love, knowing who you are and being comfortable with it.

Life makes such an impact that you learn to be content with what you are and what you are doing. It is the mindset that you have learned to appreciate yourself. The mindset of waiting to be content, is a never ending cycle.  Focus on the little things that bring joy and be happy with yourself, in your own shell.

"When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, you are always at ease in your own shell."

The Paradox of vulnerability in being Positive.

I believe in the curious philosophy of questioning and reasoning whatever comes my way; then understanding the big “Why questions” and the process of reasoning to conclusions.  I believe that there are no “Unanswerable Questions.”  And that is the reason, why I question myself when others define me. I am surrounded by the questions, why, how, when, what and where to come to a conclusion of introspecting myself.

The thought that I am becoming too sensitive haunted me day and night, making me think and reason with myself.  Is it vulnerability? Does being positive in all situations ban you from being vulnerable sometimes?  Vulnerability is a part I show to very few close people in life.  It may be a doorway to affection that gives true strength.  We always erect self protective armour, which very few people can invade. Awareness of it is a huge step towards courage and strength.  When a person unconsciously hurts while being defensive, we are faced with a sense of getting vulnerable; that we feel is a threat to our feelings.

I have been thinking a lot about being positive and vulnerability. The idea of the word itself, the hard V and the falling of it, just before it picks itself back in hopefulness is part of being described as relentless. Is it a dedication to being joy, peace of being mindful, and compassion to the ones we hold close?  Is it a commitment of providing a warm, supportive environment, fostering mindfulness and compassion in the relationship with yourself and your loved ones? Isn't it humane to be vulnerable? And does it mean that being positive, you are out of all fears, pains and feelings? Could be it is a connection to feel at ease.... or is it that I chose to be vulnerable in spite of the positivity?

I wonder what it would be to just miss so many moments of our life because we think it doesn't matter at all. The truth is that I don’t let such feelings linger in me to weigh me down. I voice my feelings to very few people whom I think; I can show that part of me that is soft and vulnerable. Yes being vulnerable involves a lot of risk. But being positive in all circumstances, helps to squash everything and smile at it; life being a continuous process in learning.

A crab teaches a great lesson in vulnerability.  It has an outer skeleton, known as  exoskeleton   which is hard and inflexible protects it from an outside attack. But as the crab grows, its outer shell doesn't grow with it. This same structure, because of its inflexibility, ironically becomes a ceiling for growth and development of the organism. The crab intuitively knows that, in order to grow, it must back out of its shell.  This is what the crab, in fact, does. But, what if you were to outgrow your armour?  What could you do or be if you refused to suffocate in your protective shell? It is a thought worth pondering over.

When you decide to live your life authentically and honestly by discarding your exoskeleton, you are indeed more open to hurts.  Those entire why’s, what-ifs swirling around in your head just has to be left as it is, when you want to progress in your new set of challenges and believe in yourself. And at the same time, become all you are meant to be by staying what you are and who you are. The question that put me to think made me analyse my own actions and outgrow all that was haunting  in my mind. Transitions are a time of great vulnerability because we do not know what is going to happen and how things might turn out for us; however, we can learn from it. There is no growth without vulnerability; being vulnerable is a temporary state that if worked through, can actually make you stronger and  tackle even some difficult challenges with unbelievable courage, strength and confidence. 

The tumors of Life.

Time and again we are told, we are what our mind decides to be, we are what we eat, etc. But what is our fate or destiny......kind or cruel?

I do believe we reap what we sow....but is that what decides our fate....Life is full of uncertainties and unpredictable… it always takes us unawares and when we least expect it. Take everything in your stride....sounds easy isn't it? Of course all of us know the power of a positive thought. But for many thought don't serve us at the right time. Yet we go on thinking, making ourselves confused. When we think negatively and dwell in it, we allow that to take hold of our life to become victims of it. 

Correcting our minds means stopping them from trying to control our lives,   because they never will. They’ll only control the misery we manufacture for ourselves out of the pain we’ll inevitably experience. Much of our misery comes from thinking negative, when we can think of possible ways of fighting out of life's battle that comes unawares, throwing us out of balance.

The word tumor creates ripples of fear surrounding it.......irrespective of it being benign or malignant. Actually FEAR is the tumor of life. If the fear factor is replaced by the positive will to fight half your battle is fought. It is easier said than done, but that is the best path one can follow and endure the pain. The fear and anxiety can be crippling, if a positive will to face the demon with strength and courage is not the encouraging factor that is sought. Stop thinking " why me",  even knowing that life is not always fair. There is no way to skip what has to be endured. Think of ways to cope with it, manage it and deal with it with courage, to fight it out.

When we fight against emotional pain caused by the tumor, we get trapped in it. Difficult emotions are destructive and breakdown the mind, body and spirit. Feelings sometimes get stuck frozen in time and also get stuck in them to be their victims. It needs a strong will to come out of it. The trauma of life can break a person, if negative thoughts seep in. Be positive against all odds and take it in your stride.

In life there are different types of tumors. And it is alarmingly connected to cancer. Cancer can be treated and healed with a positive approach to life. But in life there are some stubborn tumors like ego, one that is most fatal and cancerous, the only one that cannot be treated or healed in any way, without compromises and sacrifices. Or an understanding and compassion for each other....and most importantly an empathy for the other.