Cancer a killer or a life saver?

Cancer is called the ' Emperor of Maladies.' It comes in many ways, many forms and in different parts of the body. Where it attacks is unknown. It is astonishing one multiplying cell can end up in a storm of anxiety. But when cancer attacks, it makes one realize the value of life and living in its full potential. “All cancers are alike but they are alike in a unique way.” ― Siddhartha Mukherjee, how true it is. It makes you fall in love with yourself in a very unique way. Though it gifts you with a lot of pain for life, it makes you realize that it is the pain which keeps you alive. The day, pain becomes an unknown factor, and then you cease to live in its full sense.

The rapport and understanding that I have witnessed between the cancer patients and survivors is immense. Probably they understand what pain is and what it is to be threatened with an illness that has the power to overpower you if you are not willing to give it a fight. They have a smile of understanding for the other, which is rarely seen in daily life. Each patient or survivor feels it is a ghost of a cell, which mutates and threatens behind dark curtains. I have heard many of them say, that it is a disease that none should get. It could be because they know the trauma of going through all the treatment and facing all the pains with a smile to defeat it.

Today, again I felt the irony of life and mused over it. A diagnostic center that would be seeing innumerable cancer patients and survivors daily, are surprised at the quirk of fate, gifted to me. I was amused at the thought of having an IV set on my leg, but they preferred fixing it on the side that was operated upon first. Talking to me they were surprised that I had three surgeries for cancer in three years and most of them had come for a routine scan. One man even told me, "Probably cancer has fallen in love with you." I smiled at his statement because I always say that to all.

 Cancer was the best thing that happened to me because I got back my lost self who was always one with nature. It gave me the time to do all that I had left out in the rat race of life. In spite of everything I feel blessed in many ways. I had the will to endure and celebrate my pain; make it a beautiful one that keeps me alive with a bounce in my step, a song in my heart, a burning fire in my soul and a beaming smile on my face.

The seeds of racing thoughts.

Thoughts are seeds that are planted  in the minds and have tremendous power to make or break. They are shaped by life experiences. It is an awareness of the thoughts and attitude that mold the core of every life. Every few seconds these thoughts come in the mind, that is like a flurry of seeds. Thoughts about everything and nothing, some are inevitable, some the heart commands and some that the mind's logic fight over the heart's feelings. Whatever they are, it is your attitude, but at times it does rule over the heart. You can either plant that seed of thought or let go of it in the wind.

These little seeds of thought, may have fear, bitterness, hatred, self pity, love, hope or goodness; rebelling thoughts that question everything,  or a passing thought that goes off as it comes, but some linger on and on. Most focus on the thoughts of hurt, struggle or insecurity and unknowingly you start watering it to grow. Left to grow it becomes an obsession, phobia or a dark cloud that can leave you in a mess. That seedling you planted continues sprouting, it affects your thought process and life; and the tiny seed of thought becomes an ugly plant that overtakes everything, controlling you.

These seeds of thought can grow and make you prisoner like a poisonous ivy. Thoughts can be such that you have a garden full of beautiful plants of peace, love, joy, hope and beauty and blossom in your speech, actions and attitudes.  But is it as easy as that? Yes and no is the answer. When the mind and body are at logger heads, it is a huge task to streamline the seed of thoughts. The negative responses around can affect the strength of mind when the body is not in your control. Thoughts are also gems of healing. Discard the seeds of thought that could harm you and water the good ones, which are good or bad ones again is a confusion for everyone.

Every moment of life seeds of thoughts are being planted, the question is if it is a beautiful flora from a steady stream of positive thought seeds or  thorny, tangled ivy?  Though each thought is small and insignificant, it could grow into something substantial. I learnt the hard way from experience that it is better to let go of the thoughts in the wind than let it grow. When pain is a constant companion of life and life itself is a daily battle, it is better to scatter the seeds of thought  in the wind than let it become a poisonous ivy that can victimize you. 

SILHOUETTES: Review of Songs Of A Solitary Tree, Trinity Mirror...

SILHOUETTES: Review of Songs Of A Solitary Tree, Trinity Mirror...: Review of Songs by the eminent literary critique Mr.V.V.S.Manian Thank you sir. Thank you very much for a lovely read.

The irony of a woman's life.

"Destiny is  the name given often in retrospect to choices that had a dramatic consequences." J.K. Rowling.

It is fate or it is destiny is a phrase often heard. But for me, I have always questioned the challenges that fate  hurled at me, on its face. I was always a rebel who questioned all the lines drawn for women alone in this society. But sometimes it is a sad quirk of life indeed that you feel the irony of being a woman, when mindset and comments of some people come as a slap on my face. Something verbal or a  situational  irony renders one helpless but for me, my instinct was to give a tight slap on the face of those two well dressed men or should I say animals. But the human in me thought I would be making myself impure by touching those scoundrels.

What is beauty? A beautiful face, a well shaped body and a beautiful bust? Is that the only aspect that makes a woman beautiful. It is irony that these two scoundrels were standing behind commenting, thinking I was a young woman, may be because of my short hair or they didn't see my grey hair or it didn't matter what age a woman is, but little did I realize that  the comments were targeting me. Only when I turned around to pay at the counter, I heard the comment, "Ayye da munpil onnum illa." ( Hey, she has nothing in front.) Though my first instinct was to slap them with my slippers and ask them If they had no women folks at home, I just gave them a dirty, cold stare and walked away. But my skin was burning,  listening to what all they had commented.

I have never bothered about my appearance when I shaved my head, nor when I lost one breast or with no breast. I would say it has served its purpose and gone. I could have bought false breast and tucked it inside  and walked about as if nothing has happened. But then I was not made that way nor did I bother about anything. But two animals who would be my son's age showing disrespect to women was too much for me to take. I am still not bothered about my appearance nor my feminine beauty. I was, am and will be what I am always.

It is generally believed that a truly beautiful woman is physically appealing, and it is an irony of life that such is the society where physical beauty is observed with a high degree of importance. Is real beauty in the face or body? I always hated men who never looked at the face but elsewhere while they talk. Wetheral a woman is complete or not, there is a glow in everything about her though looking feminine is a key factor. I have always valued the respect a woman is given at home as well as outside, with a line of dignity that I never crossed. It takes a lifetime to be respected but a split of a second is enough for that respect to crash all around.

I feel a woman is also admired for the inner beauty she reveals staying within her boundaries of life. The inner spark that glows  around makes a woman more beautiful. It is not in the clothes, but true beauty is revealed in the eyes and reflected in the soul. It is in her caring ways, that grows within through the passing years as she ages gracefully.

What is this feeling,
That rushes through me,
Unveiling my capabilities,
Like a fine intricate lace.

A smoldering power,
Still ignites a burning,
Longing of something,
To fulfill my heart.

A heat penetrates,
Through the veins,
Spreading through my body,
And then cools the soul.

Like the venom surging,
To kill the monster,
That robbed me off,
My  so-called feminine beauty.

But my will is stronger,
Than any maladies,
Or insulting comments,
To take away my positive glow.

An ironically amusing experience.

It is an irony of life  when something totally unexpected happens, a bare truth that is revealed and then the look of anxiety, confusion in a person's face.  You feel amused at the predicament as to what to do next. May be all would feel amused in such a situation. But mine being a different scenario altogether, I couldn't help smiling at it.

I had been to  my oncologist to check out why I was getting clots and hemorrhages all over me, in spite of my stopping my blood thinner tablets and even after taking vitamin K injections. My family doctor had already voiced her concern to my oncologist, so I was spared of all the detailed description of it. He as usual thought about it with a smile and closed eyes; and then told me he would examine me first. Though he felt there was nothing to be concerned about, he asked me to go through a few blood tests.

I went to the lab, in the clinic, and gave him the slip doctor had given me. It was for a blood test for different tumor markers.  He kept everything ready and then asked me to stretch my hand showing my right hand. After tightening the strap on my arm, he asked me to close my fist tightly. It was then he suddenly remembered to ask me which part of me was removed.  I told him that both my breast have been removed. He sat there shocked and as if he had seen a ghost. I was quite amused seeing his reaction and  I started smiling.  What amused me the most was when he asked me does the doctor know, for which I replied that he was the one who has been treating me for cancer from last three years.

I was smiling to myself, amused at this query. I got a bit curious and asked him, "  What if both breasts are removed?"  He said we would take from the veins in the legs. I was all the more amused at the thought of having blood taken from my veins in the legs, that would be  good to experience. I really sat there and mused over it. What irony of life, I thought. 

The beauty of being bald.

 "Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough."  Larry David

I never felt baldness after chemotherapy   to be a disfigurement. The act of being bald does not make a person beautiful, but one can make baldness beautiful.  Physical beauty is an aspect of self esteem, a cornerstone of feeling confident and one of the most vulnerable too. I became bald by shaving my head after my second chemo, and felt beautiful and confident too. The painful looks of those around me whenever locks of my long hair came in my hand, made me go and shave my head. It was a source of anxiety for me. Very few are lucky to feel the beauty of being bald and also having long hair. The reason is I don't see baldness as a disfigurement of myself , because at a point of time I realized that physical beauty can get stripped off, but not the inner power and beauty.

I loved myself in my baldness, feeling special and more attractive. I never thought of wearing a wig, because I was happy the way I was, though many advised me to buy one. Embracing the baldness as being bald can be beautiful for many reasons.  When one is bald, the beauty of eyes are prominent; it makes you unique, different, and remarkably beautiful. Surviving cancer gives you confidence though you are more vulnerable. You know your hair will grow back eventually. You face it head on,  battle with it, conquer it and it is empowering; making you confident in all aspects of life. 

My hair grew back after months of finishing all treatment, and got a crowning glory of curly hair and really black and beautiful. I even lost my eye brows and  eye lashes; still my eyes were lively. "Nothing changed the mischief seen in my eyes," according to my loved ones. Hair grows back, but if you give up and lose confidence, then it is difficult to bounce back in life.

"During chemo, you’re more tired than you've ever been. It’s like a cloud passing over the sun, and suddenly you’re out. You don’t know how you’ll answer the door when your groceries are delivered. But you also find that you’re stronger than you've ever been. You’re clear. Your mortality is at optimal distance, not up so close that it obscures everything else, but close enough to give you depth perception. Previously, it has taken you weeks, months, or years to discover the meaning of an experience. Now it’s instantaneous. "~Melissa Bank

The chemo of cancer,
Predicts shedding stresses,
Each time I combed, 
Locks covered my hand. 

Painful gazes followed me,
Better a bald head,
With a baldness full of grandeur
Than the pain I see around.

My head I shaved,
And made it bald,
Though I didn't care,
As I felt beautiful.

The windows to your soul.

" The eyes are the windows to your soul." William Shakespeare.

A non-verbal language of the eyes reflect that eyes are indeed the windows to your soul. The patterns in the iris  prove whether a person is warm and trusting or impulsive. The eyes speak a lot, if you are a person who believes in looking into the eyes of a person when you speak. Some eyes can pierce into you with a warmth and care that you can see the soul of a person. You look deep within, you can see the sincerity and truth.  What you see is an inner child within, a care of warmth and the true identity that dwells there. The compassion is revealed in the eyes.

I have come to a stage where I hate the sycophancy of written and spoken words, but believe in the unsaid words that reflects in the eyes of the person I talk to. I was always told by my father never to trust a person who cannot look into my eyes. It makes me reflect upon those words and wonder if mere words can make anyone fall in love. Isn't it the words that you are in love and not the person? Can mere words make the cords twist and make you feel blue? It is an awesome way of affirmation with a deep look into the eyes. 

Today's world the written words are valued more than the unsaid words of the heart and soul. If you are not able to look into your own eyes in a mirror, you fail to understand how magnificently amazing your 'self' is. The truest way of interaction is by looking into the eyes of a person because you find there what words fail to convey, the unspoken words from the core of your soul. The way to a soul is through the eyes. The flickering of your eyes can indicate the ongoing thoughts of the mind. 

The eyes cannot lie nor pretend, it is an open window of your feelings. The eyes are seen as the window to the soul because they do give clues as to what another person is thinking. A smile can be false.  When the smile includes the eyes, then it is probably genuine. It is also a window to your health. The sincerity of a person is reflected in the eyes. It is difficult to hide your feelings, thoughts and emotions  when a person looks deep into your eyes.  even when you smile to the world, there may be pain in the eyes, that only few can see. 

Eyes are the most powerful tool, that can convey a message across.  One look can make a connection where in words cease to exist. Today I believe more in the warmth of love and care seen in the eyes than the flowery  words that flow out verbally or manually. Very few mean what they write, and they may be just a handful. It is a realization of just being there, understanding your silence and the unspoken or unwritten words that fills the core of your being. You need not see or interact, but  it is the sense of feeling that goes across without a word being said. Eyes can tell a lot about you. 

Look into another's heart
Through eyes that are
Windows to the soul
Conveying untold feelings.
Eyes always lock
Speak to the other
With mischievous twinkle
That captures in a crinkle.
They show the path
To a beautiful heart
And soul understands
Vision of Infinite love.

What poetry means to me!

Poetry is an expression of ideas or experiences of life, events  or the emotions of the heart and soul that touched, at a time of life. Something that I wish I could have expressed at  some juncture of life. It is a form of relieving emotions, a song from the heart put into words, or the ripping of a soul. A way of putting forth everything in an intense and poetic way. It is the music of silence and beauty of words. It is a therapy, an art form, a way of communicating,  a way of thinking outside the box, and something that feels real, unique and an art form to dwell in.

Poetry is a form of pouring out the soul, an expression of love, the most beautiful form of expression that goes deep into the heart and soul of the reader. It is a creative art of communicating what exactly your senses say, how the mind interprets it in such a beautiful way that only words that arouse the sensory perception and thoughts in the reader. To me poetry is emotions, expressions, a euphoria of love and passion; and much more that all these.

It is a  picture engraved in the heart and soul, words that flow out of the music of the soul, an emotional outlet and an intense expression of spontaneity. It is a way of getting in touch with your lost soul. A creative play of words that can be whimsical, melancholic, heartfelt or heart-wrenching that means a lot in very few words creating an ocean of feelings that has no end. It is the best way of creating a euphoric world.

The poems of Namitha K & Arun M Sivakrisna depict a lot of feelings that a reader can picture in the mind. Their book of poetry: Silence and sound & Songs of a solitary convey a lot through their verses. Take a look at their poems to find what they convey.

The cry of a pained positive soul.

Life falls apart, with a cry of anguish. The reverberation of the blows of life, ripples out unceremoniously bringing down a painstakingly built fortress that gave me a sense of stability and well being. It left an open, oozing, raw wound that may take time to heal and stop oozing. The will power of steel came crashing down with a new awareness of life and wounds inflicted by many. Every atom of my soul, heart, body and mind cries out with an anguish of a dormant volcano that erupted bringing  down the fortress of positive strength crashing down in its impact.

The crystal clear liquid that swells the eye and spills with a pain that cut through the core of life doesn't reduce the intensity. A feeling of innumerable needles pricking the already scarred body, heart, mind and soul. It floods throughout non stop making everything excruciatingly painful. The fortress of a positive stronghold crumbles in seconds with an erupting volcano inside. The patience of mother Earth explodes many a time like this. A painstakingly built fortress of hope, strength and positivity is blown apart with a volcano erupting, an unceasing fire and lava  flowing to tear a soul  from the core of my being, that only time can heal.

The raw wounds inflicted upon the heart and soul bleeds with a gnawing pain that leaves me naked to nature. The erupted volcano spits out fire of growing pain that burnt the very core of a pained soul with an indelible imprint all over. Emotions erupting like lava with the pain and anguish that leaves an open wound to bleed profusely. Like a thunderbolt of realization it tears me apart that mine is a lone battle of life and the place of priority all opened up to me  makes each pore bleed in such a pain that makes it helpless and hapless with a crumbled fortress.

A pain deep inside that gnaws and eats away  the core of my soul, an intense pain that turns into a cry of anguish because it eats into my body, soul, heart and mind, from a positive soul into a charred soul. An explosion of painful anguish that never snapped even in the three years journey through cancer. It feels like a cry, an ache, so intense that there's no way I can go on  any longer with that pain which tears me apart and just explodes shattering my fortress of strength. No matter what, it doesn't change and gnaws the core of  my inside, an intractable pain, anguish of soul, breaking of the heart and nothing helps that pain, it stays and like a volcano erupted, emitting fire and lava with sheer pain that pricks every atom of my being.

I know there is light after all this, I will get through this, smile again with renewed hope and emerge like a Phoenix from the ashes of the erupted volcano; with a stronger fortress of strength and positive glow.

Love of poetry.

"Poetry is the first and last of all knowledge - it is as immortal as the heart of man."
— William Wordsworth

One quote and a fact that comes to my mind whenever I read a poem. A verse comes out from the soul, sometimes it comes out from nowhere to haunt the core of your soul. Some poems get etched forever after you read them. Some are written and forgotten, somewhere in your memory but comes out of the blue to the wonderment inside you. But poems take you to those places hidden in the recesses of your soul, that was lost somewhere in the journey of your life. They are immortal. Sometimes it is only through poetry you can emote intensely. It may use condensed or compressed form to convey emotion or ideas so beautifully and something not there in other forms of literature.

Poems frequently rely for their effect on imagery, word usage, and the poetic qualities of the language used. The interactive layering of all these effects to generate meaning in what marks poetry.

The poems of Namitha Ks & Arun M Sivakrishna emotes different feelings of a human mind, heart & soul. For a poetry lover like me they take me to the recesses of my soul, that I thought was lost somewhere in my journey of life.

Their books are available in all online sites.

In solitude with an unconditional companion.

A nature lover, understands how inspiring it is to wake up to the beauty of nature. The cool breeze, chirping of birds on the trees, the sight of playful squirrels, ripples in the cool waters add splendor to your life. A natural habitat facing a  scintillating lake in the mountains on one side, the tranquility of the ocean and beach on another side can soothe you in the lap of nature, unconditionally like a mother. It is a unique way of unplugging from the monotony of life to the inspiration of nature. What you seem to forget in the rat race of life is how to quieten down, look deeper within and open our eyes to the marvel of nature to smother  and soothe you.

In a tranquil mind's eye, the tree, the grains of sand, the waves, its ripples, the falling raindrops,  overcast and blue skies, the hills, the vignetted leaves, the flowers, all this and more have a story to tell. It is the creative wonder of nature. The rustle of the leaves awaken you to an awareness of it's life, the blooming and blossoming of a bud to a flower has a music in it and a story to narrate if you care to look and listen. Even a tree has a story to tell of its life. Everything around in nature  has its own journey .


There is nothing more nurturing and soothing to the soul than being one with nature. It is a creative expression that becomes more instinctive immersed in the stillness of a mountain or an invigorating panorama of a beach. The core of the earth is where its heart lies, with unconditional love that knows only to give in its true nature until it is pushed to an abusive edge. Nature loves with no restraints or selfish motive and that is why creativity is enhanced,  passions ignited and insight awakened in the company of nature.


I have always loved to be one with nature, a perfect companion who understands and bestows. the rhythms of life are tuned to the rhythms of the Earth. The sights, sounds, scents, the feel and the music of nature is rejuvenating and inspiring than anything else. It reignites the passions of life to find your lost soul, that disappeared somewhere in the journey of life.


Leaving the man-made environments to be in solitude and one with nature, is a way of reconnecting to yourself, staying grounded and always healing. No matter however tethered you are in the demands of life, looking far away in the distance of nature, gives you wings to soar high. Everything can be learned from the nature surrounding you. It heals you from a feeling of being separate, unworthy or inadequate and you start looking outside the dull pain that your heart and soul feels resonating your positive glow.


To be able to connect to nature is invigorating and waking up to the experience of serenity in nature is most beautiful. Nature has a way of revealing some of the rarest emotions and sights that is spectacular. It captivates the heart bringing back those moments of tranquil contemplation in the hectic life.

What makes poetry unique.

Poetry, I believe is the language of the soul. It is a literary work in which the expression of feelings and ideas is given intensity by the use of distinctive style and rhythm, unique to every writer; poems collectively is a genre of literature. It is quality of beauty and intensity of emotion that is regarded as characteristic of poems. Poems are collections of words that express an idea or emotion that is often uses as imagery and metaphor. If you are a poetry lover it is likely you notice that poems come in many, many different forms. As you read and perhaps write your own poems, it is helpful to know the different kinds of poems. There are many different types of poems. The difference between each type is based on the format, rhyme scheme and subject matter. Poems are meant to be heard & read; a language that “drips from the tongue to the soul of the reader” . Only a true poetry lover will pay attention to the sound of language as well as to the meaning of language: and sound, when used intentionally, one which always enhances or reinforces the meaning. Writing poetry is as natural to them as breathing. Poetry (verse) is literature that works through sounds and images, that can be visualized in its real sense. It was originally recited (spoken aloud) to an audience, and its rhythms and sounds affect the meaning of the words. Poetic language is concentrated, because it says a lot in few words and expresses feelings and ideas.
It is worth taking a stroll down the path, the poems of Namitha Ks & Arun M Sivakrishna take us along as you read their book of poems: Silence and sound & Songs of a solitary tree.

In quiet contemplation of my journey.

In quiet contemplation on a year that fled in a wink of an eye,  I know many things have changed. A mixture of much heart burns and also the little blessings that  meant a lot to me. I think of all the lessons that life taught me the hard way, letting me know where I stand in everyone's life. Life always goes by and we keep learning to adjust to the new norms of life, though some come with a pain that is raw and real. I guess I could say that life moved on in spite of everything  though it doesn't seem the right thing to say because it is an adjustment, a compromise, a sacrifice and my heart moved on in spite of all that came my way to hurt me and made me stronger.

It was an eye-opener year for me, which the cataract of the eyes dissolved making me see everything in a new perspective. I feel thankful to the creeping crab, the emperor of all maladies, for being continuously in love with me, making me realize that it is high time I pampered myself and also for making me value every moment I am given to pursue the things that meant a lot to me. The physical pains made me realize that I was strong enough to endure all the pain inflicted upon me, be it physical or psychological.


I have always been one to take every day as it comes with the blessing and the challenges, em,bracing my present moments without dwelling in all that taught me great lessons the hard way. A year that has gone past is always a period of transition in one way of the other. A time to introspect and reflect upon the mistakes,  the wrongs and rights. A year of poignant awareness of what I lost,  the struggles through my pains and challenges; appreciation of all the blessings that came my way, be it heartaches or moments to cherish.


As I reflect upon myself, I realize I have made mistakes, may be hurt others directly or indirectly, that made my rebelling mind question myself, to a sincere reflection in my journey of life. As the year ends, I reflect upon all that little things that meant a lot to me. Those that gave me an urge to forget all my pains to accomplish that which  was a dream, I dared to hope for after several years.


As the count down begins, I take this time of reflection, to look back, remember and learn. To do what makes me happy because when I look back I feel I should have my worth of happiness doing what makes me happy. The last three years gave me lot of challenges that I withstood with a smile, daring to question all that came to attack me physically. The year is is a powerful time to celebrate yourself and also a time of reflection and resolutions hoping for a bright new year, with new challenges to face.


I learnt those lessons that made me realize what I mean to everyone in my life. I learned the hard way that anyone can block you and remove you from the friend list  in a jiffy with no regrets. I learned that the love and care can get changed in a blink of an eye, with no reasons. I learned that what even challenges I have gone through are my own and very few understand the impact it would have caused me. I learned that possibly many wold be happy that I went through a lot of pain and very few genuinely tried to understand my journey through life. I learned that even my close ones, can betray me and also break my trust by conveying whatever I voiced to others.


To put it in a nut shell, I learned the hard way that it is best to be like a turtle in its own shell, minding  own path of life, doing what makes me happy irrespective of what anyone thinks. A time to live for myself also, doing the little things that mean a lot tome, things that make me happy enjoying every moment of life and achieving the goal I set for myself in the fulfillment of a dream. I thank all who have been a part of my life, as I think life is a continuous learning process and I learn from everyone something new. Every challenge is new and I look at it as something new that I could learn from.

SILHOUETTES: Review In City Express, TVPM edition dt 29-12-2014...

Songs of a solitary tree  by Arun M Sivakrishna a #Book of #Poetry

SILHOUETTES: Review In City Express, TVPM edition dt 29-12-2014...: Glad to see a snippet in City Express of 29/12/2014. Reviewed by Aswathy Karnaver..

The beauty of a misty- rainy morning.

Every one of us have a morning routine. I woke up to the pitter-patter of raindrops, feeling a sense of joy in me to watch the raindrops on my plants and trees, each leaf heavy with the drop of rain hanging precariously. The world around looked blurry and  filled with mystery as I stepped out to be  with nature. I smiled at the weird creepy cloak of  mist  that surrounded me. A misty rainy day, most  people snuggle back to the warmth of the cozy bed, but rain and mist are closely connected to me with a unique bond that makes me want to dance in abandoned joy oblivious of everything in life. My world then looks very close, wrapped around me.

Even at half past ten in the morning, the street lights were shining in the mist covered road,  with a charm of its own. The mind wanders on its own accord through the mysterious cloak of the mist covered surrounding. It was hovering like a blanket over the Adyar river, hiding the bridge and the trees around it. The misty moments filled me with an awe as I stood over the bridge looking at the cloak of mist making even the water hazy. The beautiful misty, fleeting moment that is accompanied by an unexpected rain, made the bridge and the waters  breathtakingly  beautiful.

The presence of mist is always magical and mysterious, it disappears just as it comes making the beholder awestruck. There is so much beauty in the mist and when it is accompanied by rain, it is shrouded and gives a eerie, haunted feeling. There is a calmness on a misty morning that is beyond any description. It hangs hiding the sky and everything around from view. The blanket of mist draped over the river making everything around it beautiful,  mystic and a visual place of tranquil serenity. There is a magic in the first glimpse of the mysterious mist that is light and wispy.

The morning mist hugs the break of the day, as the silent landscape presenting a tender moment of mystic beauty. The morning mist is like pure and boundless love,  breathing in the cool fragrance of the misty breeze that tickles the senses. In the hush of the misty morning, the serenity is vexing, the calm that envelops is an inviting guest for healing all the pains. They swirl and twirl around you beckoning and whispering softly; touching with a warmth and comfort to soothe the pained and scarred soul.

Purveyors of Hope.

There are some people who make you realize that beyond every mountain you  face, there is a path, one that cannot be seen from the valley of life. More than the presence, their assuring smile makes you feel better,  have faith in their belief and makes you feel cheerful spreading a positive glow.

Cancer did bring me to a crossroad of life, knowing very well what to expect and what to face. The seriousness very well known and also understanding that with a triple negative breast cancer, I had to go forward and fight it out with all the strength in me. My doctors were purveyors of hope for me. My  oncologist  Dr. Sivakumar and his wife Dr. Kalarani, were ever smiling, warm and caring.  

 Dr. Sivakumar, born in a family of cancer victims,deviated to take up oncology as his field of specialization to alleviate the sufferings of cancer patients  He did his M.B.B.S, and then MD  in general medicine and D.M in  medical oncology , all from madras medical college- a premier medical institution. He was the best outgoing student in MD General Medicine, although he had a wide experience in treating all forms of cancers;  his interest however was management of solid tumors.  He   worked in various centers both abroad and in India and has been liked by his patients for his receptive and caring approach towards them.  Dr.  Sivakumar has his own clinic and day care center in Mylapore. 

Dr. Kalarani. was  very good in academics and did her masters in mathematics.  She choose maths as her field of specialization and research; and then obtained doctorate in maths in the year 1998.


Being moved by the mental agony of the people afflicted with cancer, Dr. Kalarani decided to change track from a mathematician to a counselling psycho oncologist.The smiling face, her loving and comforting words brought peace to the minds of the patients. A lady who had a smile for all. A smile that comforts and soothes. A  qualified psychologist from Bharathiar university, she got her formal training in the field of psycho oncology at the famous cancer institute of Chennai.  She  practices now alongside her husband at Sai Balaji  cancer clinic, Chennai.

A visit to his clinic would put all your fears aside, and give you confidence to fight out  cancer. He always has a smile on his face, the minute you enter his room. Initially when my treatment started , the way he closes his eyes, ponders over and then talks, I used to think he is about to say something serious. Later on as I got used to his ways of dealing with the patients, I realized that was his way of deciding about the treatment, and then putting it across to us. What ever be the situation, I have found him always smiling and that gives the confidence to fight on.

Dr. Kalarani, used to come with a smile that put all fears and tiredness at bay, the way she inquired each patient how they were doing. A very caring lady who had a positive word for each person. For a cancer patient, a word of care and concern, was like a miracle working on them. Empathy is considered to be very important in dealing with any patient. And it is believed that empathy generally has better results on patients. 

As Arthur Frank quotes, "One of most difficult duties is to listen to the voices of those who suffer." As people face fear, they inevitably encounter meaning of life, connection, sources of hope and transcendence. Hope is a word with so many different perceptions. Hope is that thing which keeps a cancer patient fight during the trauma of treatment. And to be a purveyor of hope for many is indeed a blessing of life. They instilled a confidence to fight on and also that cancer is not a taboo but curable.  

Photography as I see it.

The photograph is a medium that can expose, bare, or make visible something of yourself. It is a tool of revealing that which would have otherwise remained unnoticed or something that attracts you to it. At the root of this artistic, creative impulse is a keen fascination to observe that which is hidden or unseen by many. 

There are photographs or rather the clicks, where you gaze at it and you start getting fascinating thoughts, an object or something in life that they depict. I firmly believe that there is more to an image than you can see at first look. A perfectly timed click is the most beautiful moment of photography. It is also being at the right place, at the right time to capture something that is really amazing. Once in a while, I stumble upon certain photographs that stop my brain for a moment. It may be due to an instant connect to what you see, comprehend and then the reality of it.

Photography is not my cup of tea. It is a creative talent. When I see a picture, I like to understand it and I have been sending clicks to my close one's who think alike, asking them what they see in it. It is a different perspective from everyone. I look for the positives in it, though I have found some that are impossible to find any positives. Early morning after a cup of coffee or tea, I have had this habit of roaming around in my compound. I just look out for simple things that give me immense joy. A fallen leaf or a fallen flower, sometimes a falling flower that is caught on a leaf or a cobweb, a carpet of leaves or flowers, dew drops or raindrops or a bird tweeting its soul out. I find an instant connect with them, probably because I was a nature lover from my childhood.

Sometimes I used to try out a verse and send them to my friends. Recently reading my verses on fallen flowers, one of my closest friends asked me, "Is a streak of negativity seeping in?" My answer to her was, " I love sunsets, the fallen flower, the moon after new moon when it starts waxing, I look forward to seeing it daily in the evening sky."  Her reply to me was, "The problem with me is I see the pic as it is and feel the negatives and avoid it . You stare at it in the eye and visualize the next positive scene . When I look at the dark sky I just see darkness and then the twinkling stars , you foresee the next dawn . I see the setting sun and the oncoming darkness  , you see the colors the setting sun leaves behind and starts visualizing the twilight and starry night.  Not an easy to follow thing."  It is not that I don't feel negative at all, I am like anyone else, but I love to see a positive side to it. 

If I see a click and connect to it and then I am unable to understand or analyze it, I keep gazing at it and dwell in it. But at times my slowing brain takes a lot of time to comprehend it. Those are the live ones that speak a lot. A fallen flower to me is the glory of graceful aging. A click that connects provoke a thought. You can  write a beautiful story, an article or a verse seeing a photograph that is lively and beautiful. I still believe in the quote that a beautiful picture is worth more than a thousand words.  A really beautiful click gives a  description or a reflection. It is a  developing of visual literacy. It offers varied interpretations. It is like confronting it in a straightforward manner, expressions with communicative emotions, a point of view or a unifying idea of a composition and a visual element.

Photography is a visual language, that is capable of communicating. A good photograph is one that can bring out a graphical poem or story and a graphical  poem or story is one that can be visualized as a living photograph. 

“A great photograph is one that fully expresses what one feels, in the deepest sense, about what is being photographed.” Ansel Adams. 

Silence and sound by Namitha K

Poetry and prose are two different types of writing in literature. Though the distinction between poetry and poetry is a marked one, people prefer stories, fiction, drama etc to poetry. But when it comes to expressing an emotion or a particular feeling, poetry form sounds the best. It is that literary poetic form that emotes beautifully, in a way that it touches a tender spot of the reader. Not everyone can write the verses with the poetic words and make them a form of expression. 

Poetry is structured in a certain pattern that rhymes, but prose is plain text. Both poetry and prose are creative in nature and both needs talent. But poetry needs the right kind of words that have a great emotional impact. None try to understand the depth or underlying emotions in a poem. At a time when poetry has taken  a back seat, poetry forum conduct poetry fest to revive poetry. 

Silence and sound by Namitha K is a book of twenty four poems, that expresses her confusions, fears and emotions from the age of eleven to eighteen. She is an all-rounder, talented and creative. Adding below, her Mom's sister's view on Namitha's poems:
 " Her poems range from those of a typical teen riding high and low in waves of joy and lament as friendships are found and lost, her heart bursting into song with the smallest of things like the first rain or a bird soaring high up in the sky, to those of the concerns and fears of a sensitive girlhood verging on adulthood - the opportunity as well as the uncertainty it presents. 

At times, she is like a child finding beauty and wonder and a smile in little things and events around her. The element of water seems to inspire her, set the seeker in her free with boundless joy and her words pour out just like a rain, eager to fall. Water is to her a calming potion and a license to freak out, all at once! While the rain sets her free, the ocean is her ‘security blanket’. She is in awe but also at ease with the ocean, opening up her heart to it, with complete trust. ‘He’ is her secret friend who understands her, where she can be her complete self, nothing to hide. 

At times, she is your typical teenager, now bubbly and full of hopes, now confused and ridden with doubts. She expresses anger and sadness too, about things she feels are unfair and unjust in the world. She is today’s youth – wanting equality and justice for everything and everybody.  

There is anguish of doubting or even losing the ideals she was brought upon, when the society presents contradicting situations. May be the anguish is really about the end of innocence that seems inevitable when a sweet girlhood full of hopes and ideals about a future is made to face realities which sometimes contradicts those same beliefs. She is sensitive. The tragedy of another becomes her own agony and it causes insecurity in her. She is questioning the world now, what her country is offering her, what being a girl could cost her. Yet among all these concerns and doubts there is still determination and enough ambition to strive and make her own path of success. While she likes being part of a crowd, she likes more to stand out - be one of a kind. "

Buy a copy and let her poems talk to you.

1.. www.scribd.com/book/248152675/Silence-and-Sound
2. http://www.amazon.com/Silence-Sound-Namitha-K/dp/1482840936
3. http://www.flipkart.com/search…
4. http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/silence-and-sou…/1120806421…
5. http://store.kobobooks.com/en-US/ebook/silence-and-sound

Life and Everything Within: Too Much, Too Little

Life and Everything Within: Too Much, Too Little: Friends. Family. School.   That, is pretty much what my life revolved around. Then suddenly, BAM, school life is over and my friends...

Living and bonding like an Eagle.

 Gazing at eagles, recently reflecting on the life of an eagle, I had fascinating thoughts on them.  Eagles are magnificent birds, beautiful and powerful. They fly very high and have a rare insight to the untold sights of life. They have the longest life span in birds and to live up to that age, they have to go through a lot of pain and changing process, make hard decisions to survive in life. Their life is very motivating and  renewing their strength often to survive, is awe inspiring.

I have been thinking of an eagle's way of life, when I had to take very hard and important decisions that brought me the wrath of a close one. Like an eagle, it was a painful decision I took to go through that phase of my life, though it still pains me, I thought if that pain brings about the fulfillment of a beautiful dream, it was a risk worth taking knowing about the result of it, though  I had no other option in it. It tore me apart from inside, knowing the stand taken was a genuine one.

An Eagle stirs up its nest, hovers over its young ones by spreading its wings and takes them up carrying on its wings. An eagle's life is a perfect example for bonding, leading way, the aspect of teaching its young ones and flying away to grow and fend for themselves. The life of an eagle is a perfect lesson to be determined, strong willed  and perseverance to live life fully. It goes through a lot of physical pain and process of changes in order to survive. It renews its beak, feathers and talons going through a lot of pain.

When I was watching these eagles gliding through the sky and playfully flying around, I realized that to survive a positive life, I have to go through a lot of physical pains and immense mental turmoil that was inflicted due to my difficult decisions. I knew I always  had to rise like an eagle and keep renewing my strength and courage to face life's difficult situations. To move with a will that keeps me going and not weary or faint. They taught me to be a diligent seeker of positivity without any fear whatsoever.

I thought it best to give the push needed to pursue a dream and once it is fulfilled just watch them grow and soar high. Under that power of spell, step aside and stay quiet, believing in their souls as an eagle does and watch them succeed with great joy. Be there to lead them to aim high, be a guiding light but never get caged in the repercussions. Have will power, beauty and independence to gain strength on my own, follow my instincts to have a strong vision no matter what the obstacles are, remain focused and grounded.

Live like an eagle loving the storms and rise against all odds and achieve the rightful goals. It is always better to take time like an eagle and trust in your actions and other's. The eagle shows the aspect of looking after the family. Their preparation of nest shows the path to accept changes, being pricked by a thorn is a reminder that sometimes      being too comfortable with anything may result in a stagnation. I understood with pain the thorns of life are there to teach that I need to keep growing, get out and love on no matter what. It comes as a thought process that everyone has a mind of their own and it pushes me  to keep growing stronger with that perspective. When I am growing older, changes are painful and with a body growing weaker, I need a stronger will to survive against all odds and challenges that comes; I prefer defying my fate than to get caged in my turmoils. What is not in my hands cannot be helped, but leave it to time and wait patiently.


Gazing at the sky,
Eagles gliding in joy,
Chill breeze blowing on face,
Fills a yearning in my soul,
To soar high and fly.


Breaking all shackles,
That bog me down,
To a point of,
Tearing me apart,
With scars in my heart.


Mind rebels the reasoning,
Of a rebelling will,
Perseveres patiently,
With a selfless love,
That what is meant to be will be.