Surfing the waves of life.

When life gives you waves, SURF it.  I have been thinking of this whenever I stood by the sea watching the waves rise and fall. I used to stand there and contemplate if I was really positive in all aspects of life to turn a painful situation into a learning experience. I have faced all the adversities and difficulties of life with courage, but was I really so in all the aspects of life? Am I not still vulnerable to one aspect of life? This thought still plagues me. Am I able to surf through all the waves of life? I really don't think so. There are still certain aspects of life that can turn me into a bundle of nerves. I have adapted to all changes of life. But sensitivity in one aspect that still troubles me. I read in a cancer's  aftereffect write up that after cancer you become more vulnerable and sensitive. But I was not one to give in to any such feelings. Though I was sensitive to an extent, I had the courage to think that nothing can bring me down to my knees. Was I wrong? After all I am an average human being who had all the feelings like any other person.

I was always good at surfing through the waves of life, be it a big one or a small one. Adversities never bothered me. The S.U.R.F strategy of life is a simple quick strategy to adapt and react positively to all the waves of life,  to all changes it brings. When you are troubled by a wave, whatever it is trying to regain your composure and move forward is the way out. As you surf through life's waves you may have some awesome rides or some gnarly wipe outs. You meet people who want to help you or wipe you out.

Some stressful situations cause tidal waves or tsunamis that tend to wipe you out. Thoughts that come to unnerve you are like the free moving and unseen winds. Emotions or feelings are like the flow of water. Sadly all come to a state of confusion, confronting certain situations. The lesson in the metaphor "waves of life' is to stay on board without falling, but all fall at some point of time. The surfing is a human aspect appreciating all emotions and feelings. It is the nature of life. The most important aspect of surfing through the waves of life is patience and perseverance. Everything said and done, it is quite natural that you falter at times.

As I contemplated on various aspects of my life, I realize that there are still areas where I need to be strong and more courageous. Learn to be less vulnerable. Life teaches you a lot of lessons. The learning process is a continuous  one, till our death.

The oceanic mind.

Standing by the beach waiting for the sun to rise from the horizon, reflecting on how it eases the mind and heals the body, I realized that the sea level had risen, a common sight after the tsunami. Due to the rising sea level the beach sand had formed a slope of its own. Early mornings usually the sea is calm and tranquil; all the morning walkers would stand or walk on the wet sand The last two days, I noticed that the sea was not calm as it used to be always. The waves were moving in more than the usual level.

This morning the waves were sending everyone scrambling up as they were careful not to wet their shoes. Even those who had come to watch the sunrise enjoying the waves teasing them were standing at a safe distance. I too ran back thrice when the waves took me unawares. As the waves came above the slope I saw little crabs scampering away from the waves. The sandy beach was full of little crabs scurrying about. The swell of waves left a lot of ripples and bubbles on the sand as they receded giving a lacy touch on the beach.

I removed my shoes and ventured a little into the beach, but at a safe distance and dug my toes into the sand, watching the waves repeat one after another. I stood there contemplating on the fact that the ocean and the mind are so much alike. The usual morning sea that used to be calm and serene was not so. The peace I felt at the first touch of the waves on my toes was not there wondering what made the sea level rise? The serenity that knows how to make each one feel at ease, filled with peace was missing. I reflected upon those days when I used to make sand castles and waited for the waves to wash them off.

When the sea was rising up with its playful waves everyone around stayed away from it. I mused over that thinking how even man avoided one who was furious, agitated, confused or one who was not in the usual frame of mind. Even those that look up to that one person in awe stays away. The mind and the ocean that stays calm, sometimes is avoided when there is an absence of tranquility. I had read that each drop of water expands a little and the expansion of the entire depth of the ocean, adds up and causes the sea level to rise. Today it is rising due to the melting glaciers too. Just as the rising sea level is a threat, so is the perplexity of the mind. Each little thought, the doubts, misapprehensions, fears if allowed to grow the level of anxiety grows even in a calm mind. Even the most calm and positive person can become in a state of confusion. The external conditions around you are like the melting glaciers that can cause havoc after a point of time, when your limit of endurance wears off. A mind that is in a turmoil causes lot of problems to oneself and to others too.

The ocean fascinates me, inspires and there is an innate relationship that goes way deeper each day. A wave coming out of the sea in repetition captivates the heart and mind. The wave  ebbs and flows across the sand; its untouchable vastness and depth, is  notable. But one thing that transfixes me like nothing else is the power and peace of the ocean. So is the mind of a man, reflecting the perfect portrayal of a paradox, It is both mighty and tranquil, aggressive and calm, also enraged and at rest. One moment you feel the power of the waves as they crash, the water drops sprinkling on the face and the next moment you also feel the gentle kiss of the waves on the toes quickly receding back into the sea making you dig your toes further into the sand. It is a mystery to the unknown. 

Bonding is like flying a kite.

Standing in the beach with my toes dug deep in the sand, the waves playfully teasing me tickling my feet, I just gazed around to catch a glimpse of the setting sun. The sight made me awe-struck, a huge and beautiful paper kite flying high in the sea breeze. I just chuckled to myself thinking what could be more fun than watching a kite in the beach, the cool breeze making it dance to its tunes. The young fliers were carefully flying it against the wind and birds.

I felt a special joy in my heart just looking at the kite. It was flying so happily in the open space against all the turbulence around. It was the open space that gave a lot of room for the kite to fly at its will that made it soar high in the sky. There were no obstacles that caused any kind of turbulence and the fliers were carefully maneuvering it leaving enough length of the string that held it. As I gazed at it suddenly felt as if I was really slapped hard realizing that every bond you hold close to your heart is like that kite, be it your spouse, kids or friends.

Sometimes in action and words you tend to overlook certain aspects of your bonds in life. Just like the kite it stays stringed only if it has enough space to be at its own free will. It needs the wind that is required to keep it afloat. But the minute you try to control it too much tugging on the string, possibilities are high that either it might get cut or the kite might cut itself due to the turbulence. This was a great revelation, a new lesson I learned the hard way from the kite. I learned that a kite is like any bond  that you hold close, taking care   when something goes wrong or the kite flies far away from your view lost forever. An irony that is hard to accept in life and the bonds you foster.

Irony of life.

I felt as if I was whipped today, that too in a place like a hospital where empathy needs to be shown. I felt my skin burn and a feeling of a million worms crawling all over my body. Felt as if humans were becoming worse than animals. I was struck like  a lightening and shudder to think that I live in a world that is obsessed with breasts.

Why is it a woman is the  one who always feel indisposed in certain aspects of life? Have we entered a stage where age doesn't matter at all? If you are a little open to someone you are taken for granted that whatever the age a woman is a prey to the machoism of a man. Is it that an era has come that a pure bond is not possible between a man and woman?

I hate it when men send messages saying you look pretty and I would like to know you better. Are all women and men measured with the same yardstick? I have always maintained a boundary with all be it men or women until and unless I get to know them and meet them in person. Or is it that social media has become an open platform to flirt irrespective of the age.

It is an irony of life that however positive you may be, sometimes you feel sliced with words. I wish we humans learn to first respect each other, in whatever state you are. I am what I am and will remain so, whether I look feminine or not in the physical aspect of feminine beauty.

Mother nature the greatest teacher.

Nature has its own ways to make you aware of its importance. Everything around you in nature is a metaphor.  Nature has always been an inspiration to poets and writers. I have always been close to nature, but somewhere in the rat race of life, stopped to appreciate and behold the small things of beauty around me. Cancer again took me back to nature, which has been a great solace and healer. The floating clouds and its patterns;  the flying birds, , the flowing streams, the trees, the blooming flowers, the blowing wind, the twinkling stars, the rising sun, the shining full moon, the rolling waves, the towering hills, , the falling leaves and the setting sun, all different forms of beauty  connect in many ways.  Nature teaches the value of innocence and gives lessons on the same too.

 Nature, the greatest force in the universe, reveals itself in different concrete forms – mountains, rocks, oceans, rivers, trees, etc. Mountains, hills and rocks teach us the value of perseverance.  They have been standing tall for ages and this  steadfast position is a lesson on how to stand ground for the right and against the wrong with our heads held high. The human mind is as deep and mysterious as an ocean. Love, joy, kindness and mercy reside in the abyss of each heart, even the   pearls are found in the bottomless floor of the oceans.   The journey of a river from the source to the destination is a lesson on how to brave odds by means of willpower in life.  A river also teaches us to stay within boundaries, so that you are respected and revered, while you breach the boundaries it is like flood. The tempo of human life never ceases even in the face of adversity, just as rivers stop at nothing on their way.

Flowers that spread fragrance teaching you to  love unconditionally. Trees  exist despite unfavorable circumstances. As you grow and age, the  innocence is replaced by experience. Such are the changing season of nature to making you feel and exist. To be precise, the extreme forces of nature give  lessons on adversity and survival. It is this world of nature where I take flight to from the monotony of day-to-day life. The hill,  seaside, the lush green fields and canals that are added beauty to a village, the trees by the fields, the simple reflections you see in the water, all these lend me a new lease of life through rejuvenation of the body, the mind, the soul and the senses. If there were no retreat to nature, I feel it would have been very difficult to feel alive; an escapade from  mundane life.. Spending time with nature is the best escape, though temporary, from such grim slices of life. . It is the best way to revive your energy and enthusiasm.

Nature teaches us not to play with it to such an extent that you start cribbing when it plays its role.  However advanced technology is and humans play with it, the fury of its devastation is so enormous and happens in a flash that you don't have time to even think.  It is said that you should have the patience of mother Earth,  but the patience wears off and  the periodic calamities are reminders to respect it. Mother Earth teaches you never to push anyone to the edge and test the patience. The after effect of it may be devastating for both. 

The beauty of hills, seas, waterfalls, lakes and the starry sky has been the Muse to many writers, poets and painters. Nature has an unbelievable capacity for healing. It is a silent communicator and the ultimate equalizer.

A heart full of gratitude.

As quoted by John F Kennedy I believe, " As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." An act of gratitude is a two way gift both to the giver and the receiver.  Gratitude is believed to be  a powerful expression of love. A word of appreciation is more than a sentiment. 

I am indeed indebted  to the readers from all over the world, for taking time to read my blog. I am deeply grateful and thank all my readers from the bottom of my heart for your valued time taken to read my blog. I thank each and every one of my readers who were with me in my journey through my blog for the last two years and ten months. I would also like to thank all those who appreciated my writing with kind words, that did mean a lot to me. I also thank all those who randomly stumbled upon my blog. 

It is the little things in life that are important and mean a lot. I believe that we should give of ourselves  whatever we can each and every day because the benefits that we will reap are phenomenal. One of the easiest ways to give back to someone is by saying thank you, deep from the heart. I have a lot to be grateful for and a lot of people to whom I owe my appreciation and gratitude for being able to write and also for the inspiring words of appreciation. 

The boat of life on a lifetime journey.

Life can be compared to a boat that is on a journey in the sea.  The only way you can keep it afloat is to keep rowing, be it smooth or rough waters. When the tides of life  sometimes turn against you, you have to just go with the wind enjoying the journey. Many times you tend to go through life just like a boat only looking at where you were than looking at where you are and get stuck. In the boat of life, believe in yourself and keep afloat, or you may sink to the bottom. It is also good to remember that you cannot sink someone's end of the boat and manage yours afloat. As you keep moving through the waters of life, everything falls in its perspective depending on what's important to you and what is not. You cannot escape the tides and the waves. But even when you are lost, the waves guide you to another day of life.

As I stood on the beach watching the sunrise, I saw fishermen maneuvering their boat from the sand to the waters. It was very difficult for them to push the boat towards the sea along the sand. So they first lifted it with a rope tied to a pole and carried it on to the wet sand. I watched them in awe realizing how it related to life. When your boat of life is stuck in the sands of time, it needs effort to push it a little off into the waters. It was a great insight to life, that I learned observing them. In the wet sand they patiently waited for the waves to help them move the boat forward. As each wave came along and receded, they pushed it along and then finally two of them leaped into it as the boat just sailed into the waters with the help of the motor that propelled it.

I stood there watching the boats in the sea and realized how it linked to life. Even when you are stuck in the middle of adversity or you are in  a journey into something new, you need to wait patiently, to tide over to the shores. You have to steer your mind, heart, soul and spirit through any storms of life.

My passion for writing.

It is a unique gift, being able to write and express your thoughts. It is a passion for writing, with a communicating skill, a creative flair for the written word in any form. It is a love for words and writing that gives the ability to write, be it a poem, a story or an article on any topic. As a child I loved being able to express myself and pen down my thoughts, be it my emotions or my pains. May be my love for writing began with my feelings flowing freely onto my diary. It was nothing poetic or classy, but I loved it on the whole; the process of writing, the way it allowed me to express my feelings, emotions and my experiences.

At a later stage of life, I stopped writing at all, losing my expressive self somewhere. I find it fulfilling to write my thoughts, that brings out all my untold words and feelings. When I hold a pen to write, it gives me a sense of completeness, because of my passion for it. It is a love for the creative craftsmanship of writing. I love the feeling of making a character alive like a new born child, creating a new world. A piece of writing matters to the person living it,  with a story revealed in it.

It is generally believed that those who write are weird. If so I love to be one of those weird ones. I used to love narrating stories as a child and a teacher. But never in my wildest dreams believed that I would also be able to write one. It was as a  challenge hurled at me,  I tried writing a story. I owe my gratitude for my writing skills to my dad and the skill of writing a story to someone close to my heart, one of my four brats.

The pleasure of writing is like bringing out some memories that are always hidden somewhere in the remotest corner of the heart. It may be all those memories that begin in the mind and end up in your soul. Finally it is your feelings and emotions out there in the open to be analysed by the readers in their own way. It is a love for reading too that plays a great role in writing. Sometimes it is a beautiful photograph that makes you write a poem, a write up or a graphical story.

To put everything together it is also an escapade, a comfort, a joy, a friend or a passion. Writing and reading always holds a piece of my heart and soul; a big part of my life. 

An ode to the woman

The woman  borne from,
Bosom of Mother Earth,
One of patience & courage,
Like a tree in fortitude,
A river within boundaries,
A flower in life,
With a twinkle in the eyes,
That never fades or dies,
A spirit and love one inspires,
A beauty shining inside out,
A smile like the radiant sun,

A tower of strength,

A mother who is an epitome of love,

A sister who cheers and shares,

A daughter who is caring,

A spouse who is a beacon of light and hope,

A grandmother who is a source of unconditional love,

 A genuinely caring entity,

Without any dominating rules,

 Who fights hard never to fall apart,

Even when she is torn inside,
And goes with grace in an eternal sleep,
Embraced in the heart of Nature.

The chess of life.

Life is indeed like a game of chess. You are either a king, queen, bishop, knight or a pawn and you have to fulfill the role that life rolls out to you. You are sometimes mere pawns in life, a unique one with a feature that none have, you may remain a pawn or get promoted to any other roles. But irony of life is that nothing comes free. Even when you strive hard and work, you remain a pawn of life.

Chess is a game rich in metaphors  for a man, a testing ground of life and a learning experience. It is like life that calls for different skills at different levels. A pawn is sometimes a metaphor to see the unusual talents or the diligent work of an otherwise ordinary person who becomes visible only when it ceases to be a pawn. The strategy of chess is a learning that weakness in you is not a real weakness unless you allow it to be attacked, what you perceive as a weakness may in reality be your greatest quality and strength.

You sometimes either just bumble through life, with no purpose or with a life of unceasing moves that are calculated or non calculated. Life like chess is not a complicated strategic move, it is the simplifying of the knots that you get into. The only difference is that in a game of chess you know all the rules and how to make moves whereas in life it is a power of the inevitable that you learn as life goes on. You cannot reverse any moves of life just like the game of chess. Life is always suffused with a randomness. Every move you make in life has to be tactical and everything can change just in one single move or action.

Giving up doesn't favor you in any way. Even when you are cornered it doesn't mean you can never win. It is the smallest thing  that always has the greatest impact in life. 

You are the architect of your own life.

"If you suffer it is because of you, if you feel blissful it is because of you. Nobody else is responsible – only you and you alone. You are your hell and your heaven too," is a quote that came as a thunderous lightening that hit me and made me think deeply about. It made me go on a spiral wave of thinking about how true it is and ask myself when I had started leaning on someone or started a blame game in life? It set me on an introspection spell of why I was so affected by that one quote hurled at me.

If I could withstand all the challenges of life alone, keep fighting a survival battle all alone then why was I getting affected with trivial things. It may be the fights of life that made me more vulnerable to hurts. The awareness of the self dwindles and understanding has a vital role. Though I am a person who thinks positively, it could be that certain things hurts the ego or the 'I' in me. I always try to turn all negatives into positives and keep myself happy. But am I not an average human being who apart from loving others, loves to be loved and feel loved? Is that a taboo for an optimistic and positive person? I have read that happy people do a lot of things, like expressing gratitude, being optimistic, being compassionate, nurturing loving relationships, committing time to the pursued goals, counting on little things that mean a lot, so on and so forth. Life is a chain of events. Some that happens inside me and some that happen around me.  I have to remember this continuously, because the struggle is long, and the journey is arduous. And understanding is the secret of transformation. 

Nobody is doing better than you because nobody can do better than you.  YOU are walking your own path.  It is quite natural that sometimes the reason we struggle with insecurity, is because of a lack of understanding.  Actually your response is your freedom and you are not dependent on anyone for that. So when something happens or is told to you, ponder over it, you may end up introspecting and finally feeling as if a big weight has been lifted off your chest. .Listen to your own inner voice and live in your own world finding happiness doing what you love to do, the little things that gives a lot of happiness. Keep your best wishes and your biggest goals close to your heart and dedicate time to them every day.  Why be scared to walk alone, and learn to enjoy it.  Never let anyone’s ignorance, drama, or negativity stop you from being the best you can be.  Keep doing what you know in your heart is right, for YOU.  Because when you are focused on your work towards fulfilling a dream and at peace within yourself, almost nothing can shake you.  Go forward with that confidence. Is it as easy as that? But it is not impossible either.

When you are content to simply be yourself, everyone worthwhile will respect you.  And even more importantly, you will respect yourself. Those who accept you are the ones true to you.  Those who don’t are your teachers.  If someone calls you something and it’s true, it’s not your problem.  If someone calls you something and it’s not true, it’s not your problem. Either way, whatever they call you is not your problem.  What other people call you is their problem…What you call yourself, and who you decide to become, is your problem. The greater part of your happiness or unhappiness depends upon your outlook, and not upon your situation.  Even if things aren't perfect right now, think of all the beauty still left around you.  A good reason to smile is always one thought away; choose to tap into it any time you like.

Life's journey.

We are all travellers in the journey of life, where there are no maps or places of destination.  We start life's journey with empty hands and also rest forever with empty hands. May be the destination is in every step of our journey. Along our journey of life, we learn a lot of lessons the hard way, we have much heartache, but we also have lot of celebrations, joys, and special moments and also gather a lot of memories. The road is never smooth; in fact, throughout our travels, we will encounter many challenges. These challenges test our courage, strengths, weaknesses, and faith. Along the way, we stumble upon obstacles that will come between the paths that we are destined to take. To follow the right path, we have to overcome these obstacles. Sometimes these obstacles are really blessings in disguise, only we never realize that at that point of time.

Time stops for none, if we only harp on the hardships of life, we might miss out on some really amazing things that life has to offer. We can never go back to the past, we can only take the lessons that we have learned and the experiences that we have gained from it and move on. It is because of the heartaches, as well as the hardships, that in the end help to make us a stronger person. Is it as easy as that, when we give our life and soul for it?   The people that we meet on our journey, are people that we are destined to meet. Everybody comes into our lives for some reason or another and we don't always know their purpose until it is too late. May be when we have lost them forever. Some realize the value of a person in life, only when they are gone forever from the world.

Sometimes some people make a lasting impression with their silent caring ways,  we may not realize it at that time, but they will make a difference and change our lives in a way we never could imagine, a real blessing.  It is because of these encounters that we learn some of life's best lessons and sometimes we even learn a bit of ourselves too. Memories are always priceless treasures that we cherish forever in our hearts. They also enable us to continue on with our journey for whatever life has in store for us. It is believed that what doesn't kill us will make us stronger. It all depends on how each one's definition is about being strong. It may have different meanings to different people. It is a realization of what we are today. It also means looking deep into our soul and realizing that  what we  are today couldn't exist if it weren't for the things that  happened in the past or for the people that you have met. Everything that happens in our life happens for a reason and sometimes that means we must face heartaches in order to experience joy.

The journey of life is not in our hands, we go where life takes us, be it a path of boulders or a path of luxury. Where we had our own, there sometimes we feel like an outsider.  With time the journey takes different paths making it very painful, but as a traveller we have to go on, contended in what we have and making the most of it. As we travel sometimes the bygones come by and cross our path. The path of life is different for all.  It is a reality that nothing is certain in the journey of life. Sometimes we think of the meaning of this life when hit by hard realities that come like a bolt from the blue. We are hardly anybody, probably nobody, but what is to be will be.

The conundrum of a biological micro machine - your body.

The body is an instrument which only gives off music when it is used as a body. ~Anaïs Nin

The body gives music only when it is in rhythm, the rhythm in your heart beats, the bounce in your steps; though music can heal your body. Your body is actually a biological machine. I feel it is difficult to think of an asset that is more important than your own body. It is also a machine that needs to be nurtured like anything else. If you think of it as a car, it is a timeless classic that is your prized possession. Over a period of time, even the biological machine, your body may breakdown and many sluggish problems may crop up if the maintenance of it is neglected. When your body works overtime, it becomes complex and much more difficult to repair or replace it with the wear and tear or permanent damage. 

During the journey of life, busy in the rat race none think of its reliability or longevity or quality; could be due to complacence or negligence. You have to ensure that your body receives the best possible nutrition, exercise and relaxation to keep it fit, giving importance to its needs.  Unfortunately man tends to ignore this fact of your biological machine. There is no super pill or miracle pill but the requirement of the basics that is a balanced diet, ample fluids, enough rest and exercise. It is not designed to be inactive. Wake up and realize that health is your most important asset.

The day you find yourself taking more pills than your food, then you can be rest assured that you have abused and overused your body or you have been lethargic to use your body properly. Both ways you suffer. Sometimes the disease you fight and the strong treatment affects every tiny cell or organ. Still all is not lost. You can still fight those blues pampering yourself with the nutrients and exercise it needs to be strengthened. Become your own biological machine's mechanic and fill it up with the fuel it requires, carefully watching what you refill it up with and your body will probably thank you.  

Your fight for survival will inspire and motivate you to move ahead, facing the challenges any malady can gift you. Like any other machine, everything is inter connected. Sometimes it is the genetics that tend to ruin the machine, but even then it is a vital revelation that it is a power of the inevitable; a complexity of the functioning of all organs. When you think of the inevitable, it is human nature to think it may not happen to you; that you are immune to everything. The health care and choices taken during life have a dramatic effect on a long term basis. For some it is a long fight from childhood. Life is forever a fight for survival, taking care of your health while you can and the best way you can. 

A perpetual Scar.

Words come from within

Reflecting the pain,

Of what cannot be undone,

From a pained soul.

Fact come hitting hard,

Cry of despair deep inside,

Heart bleeds with every beat,

Hurting beyond repair.

Can tears cleanse it,

Or a smile set it right,

Or words put out the fire,

Of  burning pain?

So much it wants to say,

Tongue or pen is helpless,

Like the blank pages,

That flap and flutter away.

Dare to face every challenge and rise like a Phoenix.

Life after cancer does mean making some new choices, facing new challenges, valuing your life more, and waking up to the fact that you deserve to do what you love. You discover new things and realize it is a fight for life, through life with grit, determination and perseverance, and that the fight is never over. It is only at the end of your treatment, your journey of real fight starts. You really embark on another leg of your journey. It is adjusting to a lot of changes in your body, a fight with yourself mentally and looking up to squash the new challenges that crop up in your path. 

After your body has been through an enormous assault by the Emperor of maladies, recovery is a huge thing that depends only on you. You are going to bounce back, though not immediately. You are hit time and again throwing you down, either with a catapult of the after effect of the treatment or new threats from the creeping crab itself, that that makes your life worth fighting for, to dare and challenge it,  making you feel victorious and not a victim. The treatment may even have cognitive changes of thinking, remembering or processing that affect many aspects of life. Cancer is not a death sentence, it is a journey of life that that 'can' make you  a survivor; who is always a warrior fighting out the challenges the emperor of maladies sends your way to take care of yourself.

Sometimes I feel it is an awakening of your 'self' to take care and keep fighting, whatever it is that you are dealt with. The heart says I am beating for you, love me. The weakening of your muscles, tissues, ligaments and bones tell you to keep yourself fit and happy. Fight for that twinkle in your eyes that threaten to dwindle and dare to keep them alive. A survivor's armour is  the nutrition and exercise to keep yourself fit, in spite of all the challenges hurled at you. It reminds you to feed your specific needs of life. Wouldn't it be a shame to weaken after having fought the battle of cancer?

Life after cancer can sometimes be long and arduous path, with many challenges cropping up to weaken the body and mind. The treatment and the fight sometimes heighten a sense of vulnerability that creates confusion. At times effects of treatment doesn't stop with the end of treatment, but manifests itself in the journey after the treatment. It is only a never give up attitude that can keep your fight alive and your courage to challenge it leads you out of the tunnel of pain. It is always a new learning experience of life to fight life.

"Dare to face every challenge and rise like the Phoenix."

A price for everything.

Does everything in life have a price?  A question of a rebelling mind, thinking of my life beyond cancer. It made me contemplate on life deeply and I thought to myself that everything in life has a price, little do we think about it. All just go about in life, getting what each one wants, little thinking that a price is being paid for each little thing, either in a material or non-material way. But then again my mind rebels with all the questions possible in my vocabulary,  thinking aren't there a lot of little things that doesn't come with a price tag?

But when you take life as a commodity, everything has a price. You pay  not only for the choices made in life, but also for the choices you never made. You pay for every thing happening around you in some way or the other. Some of the ways in which you pay are with your life itself, some with your time, freedom, money, trust, peace of mind, health, relationships, privacy, hard work and also tears. These are all your day to day life taxes that you pay for the life or living. when you think of it, it has no end. Time is one thing involved in many, and like life you while away the most. If you want to realize and work to fulfill a dream, there too sometimes a price has to be paid, in some way or the other.

Anyway, my thought about all these came from the realization of my fight for life. Throughout my life, I have been a fighter where my health or life was at stake. At the age of three life gifted me a lump on my thighs, on the eve of the surgery date, it disappeared and the price I had to pay for it was excruciating pain in that leg, till date. My three years of cancer took me through a lots of paths unknown and known to me. Cancer made me realize the value of life. The winding path I had to take always, never deterred me from my fight with life.

Now I have learned that apart from the trauma of going through the treatment of cancer and the after effects of it that is immediate, there are a lot of after effects that can prop up  even after years of completing the treatment. It differs in every individual and some survivors may never have any side effects whatsoever. This doesn't make me give up my fight. For me it is a new learning experience, though I never knew that cancer and its treatments can have so many repercussions. Today I am preparing myself to give a fight,  daring to challenge those effects, thinking I still have many little things that mean a lot to me and  am more blessed than I can ever think of.

I find it amusing that anything and everything happening in my body, doctors have a scapegoat to point out, cancer and its after effects. The excruciating pain in the bones, cancer is blamed. The weakening retina, cancer is blamed. I sometimes muse over it thinking, it is like you always try to find a scapegoat to blame for all that is happening to you in your life. Today I would like to say, it is like a wake up call, for all that you tend to overlook in the rat race of life, just not giving enough care to your body when you can and should have. You need to pamper yourself a little once in a way and relax, taking time away from all the mundane activities of life, just to rejuvenate and re-energize yourself.

It is true that no one knows what life holds tomorrow. But today I still find joy in doing what means the most to me and keeps me going, even when I am fighting it out with my body daily. Whatever may be the after effect of the creeping crab, I still have the strength and will to wade through it with a never give up attitude, knowing my fight gets tougher with each challenge hurled at me. A love for life, through  a love for myself, forever falling in love with myself.

Here I am reminded of the verse of Robert Frost,

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep,  

But I have promises to keep,  

And miles to go before I sleep,  

And miles to go before I sleep."

And yes, I have a dream to fulfill, promises to keep and duties to be fulfilled. And that keeps me going in spite of everything.

Power of the inevitable in life.

Life is sometimes too deep for words, that it is very difficult to describe it. For some it is a challenge of the inevitable accepting whatever is hurled in the journey of life. But for some it is a chase for whatever one thinks is missing, because of a mirage one is chasing. Instead of finding joy in the life you are given, it is the tendency of the human mind to go after what each one feels is perfect.

Life sometimes hands you joy in a platter and then with a blow takes away all you have, may be the only joy you are living for. In the rat race of life you tend to forget the ones living for you and run behind the ones who are just a mirage; you tend to forget the blessings you have been showered with while moaning about life in self pity seeking sympathy. Life is fleeting and you never know what the next micro second of your life holds for you.

Setbacks and challenges are inevitable and it is a fact that you emerge stronger and wiser, secure in your ability to survive in spite of everything.  You truly understand yourself and your inner power to survive against all odds when   tested by adversity continuously. It is a true gift to have painfully won it and worth more than anything else in the world that you only look forward to the little things that mean a lot in life. Life is simple as well as complicated, beyond anyone's control and it is the humility to understand it which enables you to survive its vicissitudes.

Everything said and done,  at times fate is too cruel for one to comprehend. I happened to call my friend and she told me about her son's friend who died in a car accident. My friend was devastated and in a shock after seeing the boy and his distressed mother. What a trauma it is for a mother to see her only son in that state. After hearing from her about the boy's mother and how fate has dealth a cruel blow to her, I just thought how uncertain and cruel it can be when facing the power of the inevitable of life. He was the only source of joy she was living for and then life suddenly snatches it away from her. How devastating life can be! But even at the time of sorrow that fate dealt her with, she donated all the organs of her son so that it can be alive through someone else's life. I salute that mother and being with her  at least in my thoughts, to share her loss.

A foresight of life through my eyes.

A vision is something you foresee for your life, but you can only foresee and fulfill it if  the vision of your eyes is intact till the end of your life.  A foresight is looking at life through a telescope. A foresight is never used to take care of the eyes that gives you vision till it is too late. Just like a tired body aches, the tired eyes to ache, but little heed is given to it till it is too late.

I had been feeling that even after a cataract surgery my power was increasing. I voiced it to my doctor, she said may be a film is covering the lens, go meet your eye doctor. I delayed it for three weeks, giving priority to other things at home and life. Yesterday I went to the doctor, and I explained my predicament to him. After initial look into my eyes through his  opthalmoscope, he told me that he has to get my eyes dilated. 

After dilating my eyes, I went in and he had a look at it properly and told me there is nothing to worry, just that my retina was a little weak. Though that did shake me up a little, I mused to myself, may be another challenge of a different kind. I asked him for the reasons for it and was told that for some people the radiation and chemotherapy can give that after effect. Apart from the trauma you have to go through while undergoing the treatment, I realized the real problems of the treatment of cancer, is the long term after effect an individual has to go through.  When you get cancer it invades your whole body in a way. 

I came back home, and got a forward about a dinner in the dark organised by three blind people, and was just thinking about it gazing outside , sitting on the steps in front. Just then, the street lights and the lights in front of each building started burning. I just looked at each light and realized I was seeing an aura around each light, that looked like a flower with many colors in it and I had not seen that till now. Suddenly I realized that it was due to the dilated pupils that I saw that beautiful sight. I was suddenly happy for that little blessing of viewing such a wonderful sight that made me happy. My little worry about my retina just disappeared  and I thought let me just enjoy the moment, something I learned from the butterflies that flutter around me daily.

I still had the vision to enjoy everything around me and that is what mattered. I have never worried about what can happen, lived the moments of my life feeling blessed for the little blessings that always meant a lot to me.

 “Attitude is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, money, circumstances, than failures and success, than what other people think, say, or do. It is more important than appearance, ability, or skill. It will make or break a business, a home, a friendship, an organization. The remarkable thing is I have a choice every day of what my attitude will be. I cannot change my past. I cannot change the actions of others. I cannot change the inevitable. The only thing I can change is attitude. Life is ten percent what happens to me and ninety percent how I react to it.” Charles R. Swindoll

Dance through life.

In every living moment of life, even with blisters of pain, you have to dance through life, not only with your feet but with your heart too. It is believed that a dance is the heart speaking in actions. Whatever it is that life bestows, you learn to dance in the rhythm of life, enjoying each step even if you have to bare your soul because dance reveals that in your life which music cannot. Life is always  uncertain, ever changing, out of control sometimes even in the best of circumstances and always challenging whether life is a smooth ride or a stepping on the toes. It has to move on with a rhythm, steering in a direction of its unfolding itself.  It is a fact that life dances and it is a mysterious gift of being alive, full of life. You have no other option but to dance along, with a skill of dancing through life and learning to move from pain to joy in life.

Life is a dance , where adversity is a misstep, but if you waltz through it gaining rhythm it is a challenging art of life. The various forms of dance are like the transitions in life. The music to which you dance is the rhythm of life. You can make it one that gives immense joy, while facing the challenges of life with all its expressions. It is a dance with all its expressions, one learnt as you go through life, where you either lead or follow. Though you know your steps, you may have to make up the steps at some point of time. In most of them you follow a music or you make up your own music to waltz, which is your choice and as you dance your feet is stepped upon. It can be a slow waltz or a fast one, but the best part of dance and life is that you can step in at any time, dance any form we choose to and it never matters if we know the steps or not. You can make them as you go unless you are dancing to a set rules of life. Dance as you wish but take care not to step upon another's feet while dancing. The rhythm of life takes you to the dance floor of life.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain."Vivian Greene. What ever happens in life, you can moan about it or dance your way enjoying the little blessings. If you keep moaning life becomes standstill without any rhythm. Turn the music of your life on and dance to its rhythm being thankful for the life you have been given and what you have. 

The scans of life.

Today scans are a part of the routine health check up and they could save lives.  A cancer patient and survivor  as a part of the routine check up has to go through the scans of life, to sustain good life because they can show if the cancer has made a come back in any part of the body. They help to identify variety of conditions in the body.  A pet scan helps in detecting cancer, revealing the spreading of cancer,  effectiveness of the treatment or recurrence of cancer.

For me each scan is a process of learning, always experiencing something new. The Pet scan in a new diagnostic center and the formalities too different each time.  On the basis of 'first come first serve' I paid and waited till they called for me. When my name was called, they asked for minute details, I didn't have to change into their uniform as I didn't have any metals on me. The nurse's query of which side made me smile and say both sides, and followed by a look of confusion as to which side to fix the IV set. I felt amused as usual at the thought of an IV set on my legs, but another nurse told her to fix it on the side that was operated first.

After all the formalities waited for my turn, and I went into the radiation room where Pet scan patients had to wait. I was injected with the radio tracer into my vein and the syringe was a big metal one that would amuse  a person. after that I was given a jug of medicated water to drink at my pace in an hour. It was a different experience and learning for me. My turn for scan came after patiently waiting for an hour. Before the scan I was given another glass of the concentrated medicated water.

After being strapped to the metal bed, I went to and fro in the scanning machine with few minutes of holding breath each time I went to and fro. The dye injected as usual gave a stinging pain that spread to every part of the body and then cooled it off. Again I went in and out of the machine. I had got used to the scan. My doctor asked me if I was fed up of all the scans, I told him I took it as a new learning experience each time I had to go for a scan. Any way the scan over I was made to wait in the scan pet scan waiting room.

Anyways, the Pet scan report didn't show anything alarming except for a thickening of the chest wall, that would be observed. All my organs intact, I was happy that I was better off than many others. Challenges keep coming taking me through unknown paths of life and that keeps me alive. I am happy for the little blessing in my life that mean a lot to me.

Living beyond sunset.

Somewhere beyond the horizon,
Life waits for me, 

With a treasure,

Of eternal love.

In the expanse of the sky,

A paradise of colors,

Where you'll find me,

If you care to see.

If you listen to the magic in sunsets,

Its silent sighs,

With beautiful rays,

Spreading a light of hope.

I long for the moments,

When the twilight curtain,

Drops down with a palette of

Artistic tapestry across the sky.

My sunsets take me along,

With deep passion,

To the end of my day,

For a beautiful tomorrow.

It gives me strength,

To endure the beautiful pains,

And bring back the lost me,

With  promise of a wholesome life.

Mother's endless love.

In the cradling arms

A mother's bosom

Lies a gurgling spring

Of endless love.

It eases pain

When anxiety clings

Wipes flowing fears

To pursue dreams.

Far away she churns

Yearns for a glimpse

A love deep & abiding,

Like a soothing lullaby.

Cancer a killer or a life saver?

Cancer is called the ' Emperor of Maladies.' It comes in many ways, many forms and in different parts of the body. Where it attacks is unknown. It is astonishing one multiplying cell can end up in a storm of anxiety. But when cancer attacks, it makes one realize the value of life and living in its full potential. “All cancers are alike but they are alike in a unique way.” ― Siddhartha Mukherjee, how true it is. It makes you fall in love with yourself in a very unique way. Though it gifts you with a lot of pain for life, it makes you realize that it is the pain which keeps you alive. The day, pain becomes an unknown factor, and then you cease to live in its full sense.

The rapport and understanding that I have witnessed between the cancer patients and survivors is immense. Probably they understand what pain is and what it is to be threatened with an illness that has the power to overpower you if you are not willing to give it a fight. They have a smile of understanding for the other, which is rarely seen in daily life. Each patient or survivor feels it is a ghost of a cell, which mutates and threatens behind dark curtains. I have heard many of them say, that it is a disease that none should get. It could be because they know the trauma of going through all the treatment and facing all the pains with a smile to defeat it.

Today, again I felt the irony of life and mused over it. A diagnostic center that would be seeing innumerable cancer patients and survivors daily, are surprised at the quirk of fate, gifted to me. I was amused at the thought of having an IV set on my leg, but they preferred fixing it on the side that was operated upon first. Talking to me they were surprised that I had three surgeries for cancer in three years and most of them had come for a routine scan. One man even told me, "Probably cancer has fallen in love with you." I smiled at his statement because I always say that to all.

 Cancer was the best thing that happened to me because I got back my lost self who was always one with nature. It gave me the time to do all that I had left out in the rat race of life. In spite of everything I feel blessed in many ways. I had the will to endure and celebrate my pain; make it a beautiful one that keeps me alive with a bounce in my step, a song in my heart, a burning fire in my soul and a beaming smile on my face.

The seeds of racing thoughts.

Thoughts are seeds that are planted  in the minds and have tremendous power to make or break. They are shaped by life experiences. It is an awareness of the thoughts and attitude that mold the core of every life. Every few seconds these thoughts come in the mind, that is like a flurry of seeds. Thoughts about everything and nothing, some are inevitable, some the heart commands and some that the mind's logic fight over the heart's feelings. Whatever they are, it is your attitude, but at times it does rule over the heart. You can either plant that seed of thought or let go of it in the wind.

These little seeds of thought, may have fear, bitterness, hatred, self pity, love, hope or goodness; rebelling thoughts that question everything,  or a passing thought that goes off as it comes, but some linger on and on. Most focus on the thoughts of hurt, struggle or insecurity and unknowingly you start watering it to grow. Left to grow it becomes an obsession, phobia or a dark cloud that can leave you in a mess. That seedling you planted continues sprouting, it affects your thought process and life; and the tiny seed of thought becomes an ugly plant that overtakes everything, controlling you.

These seeds of thought can grow and make you prisoner like a poisonous ivy. Thoughts can be such that you have a garden full of beautiful plants of peace, love, joy, hope and beauty and blossom in your speech, actions and attitudes.  But is it as easy as that? Yes and no is the answer. When the mind and body are at logger heads, it is a huge task to streamline the seed of thoughts. The negative responses around can affect the strength of mind when the body is not in your control. Thoughts are also gems of healing. Discard the seeds of thought that could harm you and water the good ones, which are good or bad ones again is a confusion for everyone.

Every moment of life seeds of thoughts are being planted, the question is if it is a beautiful flora from a steady stream of positive thought seeds or  thorny, tangled ivy?  Though each thought is small and insignificant, it could grow into something substantial. I learnt the hard way from experience that it is better to let go of the thoughts in the wind than let it grow. When pain is a constant companion of life and life itself is a daily battle, it is better to scatter the seeds of thought  in the wind than let it become a poisonous ivy that can victimize you. 

SILHOUETTES: Review of Songs Of A Solitary Tree, Trinity Mirror...

SILHOUETTES: Review of Songs Of A Solitary Tree, Trinity Mirror...: Review of Songs by the eminent literary critique Mr.V.V.S.Manian Thank you sir. Thank you very much for a lovely read.

The irony of a woman's life.

"Destiny is  the name given often in retrospect to choices that had a dramatic consequences." J.K. Rowling.

It is fate or it is destiny is a phrase often heard. But for me, I have always questioned the challenges that fate  hurled at me, on its face. I was always a rebel who questioned all the lines drawn for women alone in this society. But sometimes it is a sad quirk of life indeed that you feel the irony of being a woman, when mindset and comments of some people come as a slap on my face. Something verbal or a  situational  irony renders one helpless but for me, my instinct was to give a tight slap on the face of those two well dressed men or should I say animals. But the human in me thought I would be making myself impure by touching those scoundrels.

What is beauty? A beautiful face, a well shaped body and a beautiful bust? Is that the only aspect that makes a woman beautiful. It is irony that these two scoundrels were standing behind commenting, thinking I was a young woman, may be because of my short hair or they didn't see my grey hair or it didn't matter what age a woman is, but little did I realize that  the comments were targeting me. Only when I turned around to pay at the counter, I heard the comment, "Ayye da munpil onnum illa." ( Hey, she has nothing in front.) Though my first instinct was to slap them with my slippers and ask them If they had no women folks at home, I just gave them a dirty, cold stare and walked away. But my skin was burning,  listening to what all they had commented.

I have never bothered about my appearance when I shaved my head, nor when I lost one breast or with no breast. I would say it has served its purpose and gone. I could have bought false breast and tucked it inside  and walked about as if nothing has happened. But then I was not made that way nor did I bother about anything. But two animals who would be my son's age showing disrespect to women was too much for me to take. I am still not bothered about my appearance nor my feminine beauty. I was, am and will be what I am always.

It is generally believed that a truly beautiful woman is physically appealing, and it is an irony of life that such is the society where physical beauty is observed with a high degree of importance. Is real beauty in the face or body? I always hated men who never looked at the face but elsewhere while they talk. Wetheral a woman is complete or not, there is a glow in everything about her though looking feminine is a key factor. I have always valued the respect a woman is given at home as well as outside, with a line of dignity that I never crossed. It takes a lifetime to be respected but a split of a second is enough for that respect to crash all around.

I feel a woman is also admired for the inner beauty she reveals staying within her boundaries of life. The inner spark that glows  around makes a woman more beautiful. It is not in the clothes, but true beauty is revealed in the eyes and reflected in the soul. It is in her caring ways, that grows within through the passing years as she ages gracefully.

What is this feeling,
That rushes through me,
Unveiling my capabilities,
Like a fine intricate lace.

A smoldering power,
Still ignites a burning,
Longing of something,
To fulfill my heart.

A heat penetrates,
Through the veins,
Spreading through my body,
And then cools the soul.

Like the venom surging,
To kill the monster,
That robbed me off,
My  so-called feminine beauty.

But my will is stronger,
Than any maladies,
Or insulting comments,
To take away my positive glow.

An ironically amusing experience.

It is an irony of life  when something totally unexpected happens, a bare truth that is revealed and then the look of anxiety, confusion in a person's face.  You feel amused at the predicament as to what to do next. May be all would feel amused in such a situation. But mine being a different scenario altogether, I couldn't help smiling at it.

I had been to  my oncologist to check out why I was getting clots and hemorrhages all over me, in spite of my stopping my blood thinner tablets and even after taking vitamin K injections. My family doctor had already voiced her concern to my oncologist, so I was spared of all the detailed description of it. He as usual thought about it with a smile and closed eyes; and then told me he would examine me first. Though he felt there was nothing to be concerned about, he asked me to go through a few blood tests.

I went to the lab, in the clinic, and gave him the slip doctor had given me. It was for a blood test for different tumor markers.  He kept everything ready and then asked me to stretch my hand showing my right hand. After tightening the strap on my arm, he asked me to close my fist tightly. It was then he suddenly remembered to ask me which part of me was removed.  I told him that both my breast have been removed. He sat there shocked and as if he had seen a ghost. I was quite amused seeing his reaction and  I started smiling.  What amused me the most was when he asked me does the doctor know, for which I replied that he was the one who has been treating me for cancer from last three years.

I was smiling to myself, amused at this query. I got a bit curious and asked him, "  What if both breasts are removed?"  He said we would take from the veins in the legs. I was all the more amused at the thought of having blood taken from my veins in the legs, that would be  good to experience. I really sat there and mused over it. What irony of life, I thought. 

The beauty of being bald.

 "Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough."  Larry David

I never felt baldness after chemotherapy   to be a disfigurement. The act of being bald does not make a person beautiful, but one can make baldness beautiful.  Physical beauty is an aspect of self esteem, a cornerstone of feeling confident and one of the most vulnerable too. I became bald by shaving my head after my second chemo, and felt beautiful and confident too. The painful looks of those around me whenever locks of my long hair came in my hand, made me go and shave my head. It was a source of anxiety for me. Very few are lucky to feel the beauty of being bald and also having long hair. The reason is I don't see baldness as a disfigurement of myself , because at a point of time I realized that physical beauty can get stripped off, but not the inner power and beauty.

I loved myself in my baldness, feeling special and more attractive. I never thought of wearing a wig, because I was happy the way I was, though many advised me to buy one. Embracing the baldness as being bald can be beautiful for many reasons.  When one is bald, the beauty of eyes are prominent; it makes you unique, different, and remarkably beautiful. Surviving cancer gives you confidence though you are more vulnerable. You know your hair will grow back eventually. You face it head on,  battle with it, conquer it and it is empowering; making you confident in all aspects of life. 

My hair grew back after months of finishing all treatment, and got a crowning glory of curly hair and really black and beautiful. I even lost my eye brows and  eye lashes; still my eyes were lively. "Nothing changed the mischief seen in my eyes," according to my loved ones. Hair grows back, but if you give up and lose confidence, then it is difficult to bounce back in life.

"During chemo, you’re more tired than you've ever been. It’s like a cloud passing over the sun, and suddenly you’re out. You don’t know how you’ll answer the door when your groceries are delivered. But you also find that you’re stronger than you've ever been. You’re clear. Your mortality is at optimal distance, not up so close that it obscures everything else, but close enough to give you depth perception. Previously, it has taken you weeks, months, or years to discover the meaning of an experience. Now it’s instantaneous. "~Melissa Bank

The chemo of cancer,
Predicts shedding stresses,
Each time I combed, 
Locks covered my hand. 

Painful gazes followed me,
Better a bald head,
With a baldness full of grandeur
Than the pain I see around.

My head I shaved,
And made it bald,
Though I didn't care,
As I felt beautiful.

The windows to your soul.

" The eyes are the windows to your soul." William Shakespeare.

A non-verbal language of the eyes reflect that eyes are indeed the windows to your soul. The patterns in the iris  prove whether a person is warm and trusting or impulsive. The eyes speak a lot, if you are a person who believes in looking into the eyes of a person when you speak. Some eyes can pierce into you with a warmth and care that you can see the soul of a person. You look deep within, you can see the sincerity and truth.  What you see is an inner child within, a care of warmth and the true identity that dwells there. The compassion is revealed in the eyes.

I have come to a stage where I hate the sycophancy of written and spoken words, but believe in the unsaid words that reflects in the eyes of the person I talk to. I was always told by my father never to trust a person who cannot look into my eyes. It makes me reflect upon those words and wonder if mere words can make anyone fall in love. Isn't it the words that you are in love and not the person? Can mere words make the cords twist and make you feel blue? It is an awesome way of affirmation with a deep look into the eyes. 

Today's world the written words are valued more than the unsaid words of the heart and soul. If you are not able to look into your own eyes in a mirror, you fail to understand how magnificently amazing your 'self' is. The truest way of interaction is by looking into the eyes of a person because you find there what words fail to convey, the unspoken words from the core of your soul. The way to a soul is through the eyes. The flickering of your eyes can indicate the ongoing thoughts of the mind. 

The eyes cannot lie nor pretend, it is an open window of your feelings. The eyes are seen as the window to the soul because they do give clues as to what another person is thinking. A smile can be false.  When the smile includes the eyes, then it is probably genuine. It is also a window to your health. The sincerity of a person is reflected in the eyes. It is difficult to hide your feelings, thoughts and emotions  when a person looks deep into your eyes.  even when you smile to the world, there may be pain in the eyes, that only few can see. 

Eyes are the most powerful tool, that can convey a message across.  One look can make a connection where in words cease to exist. Today I believe more in the warmth of love and care seen in the eyes than the flowery  words that flow out verbally or manually. Very few mean what they write, and they may be just a handful. It is a realization of just being there, understanding your silence and the unspoken or unwritten words that fills the core of your being. You need not see or interact, but  it is the sense of feeling that goes across without a word being said. Eyes can tell a lot about you. 

Look into another's heart
Through eyes that are
Windows to the soul
Conveying untold feelings.
Eyes always lock
Speak to the other
With mischievous twinkle
That captures in a crinkle.
They show the path
To a beautiful heart
And soul understands
Vision of Infinite love.

What poetry means to me!

Poetry is an expression of ideas or experiences of life, events  or the emotions of the heart and soul that touched, at a time of life. Something that I wish I could have expressed at  some juncture of life. It is a form of relieving emotions, a song from the heart put into words, or the ripping of a soul. A way of putting forth everything in an intense and poetic way. It is the music of silence and beauty of words. It is a therapy, an art form, a way of communicating,  a way of thinking outside the box, and something that feels real, unique and an art form to dwell in.

Poetry is a form of pouring out the soul, an expression of love, the most beautiful form of expression that goes deep into the heart and soul of the reader. It is a creative art of communicating what exactly your senses say, how the mind interprets it in such a beautiful way that only words that arouse the sensory perception and thoughts in the reader. To me poetry is emotions, expressions, a euphoria of love and passion; and much more that all these.

It is a  picture engraved in the heart and soul, words that flow out of the music of the soul, an emotional outlet and an intense expression of spontaneity. It is a way of getting in touch with your lost soul. A creative play of words that can be whimsical, melancholic, heartfelt or heart-wrenching that means a lot in very few words creating an ocean of feelings that has no end. It is the best way of creating a euphoric world.

The poems of Namitha K & Arun M Sivakrisna depict a lot of feelings that a reader can picture in the mind. Their book of poetry: Silence and sound & Songs of a solitary convey a lot through their verses. Take a look at their poems to find what they convey.

The cry of a pained positive soul.

Life falls apart, with a cry of anguish. The reverberation of the blows of life, ripples out unceremoniously bringing down a painstakingly built fortress that gave me a sense of stability and well being. It left an open, oozing, raw wound that may take time to heal and stop oozing. The will power of steel came crashing down with a new awareness of life and wounds inflicted by many. Every atom of my soul, heart, body and mind cries out with an anguish of a dormant volcano that erupted bringing  down the fortress of positive strength crashing down in its impact.

The crystal clear liquid that swells the eye and spills with a pain that cut through the core of life doesn't reduce the intensity. A feeling of innumerable needles pricking the already scarred body, heart, mind and soul. It floods throughout non stop making everything excruciatingly painful. The fortress of a positive stronghold crumbles in seconds with an erupting volcano inside. The patience of mother Earth explodes many a time like this. A painstakingly built fortress of hope, strength and positivity is blown apart with a volcano erupting, an unceasing fire and lava  flowing to tear a soul  from the core of my being, that only time can heal.

The raw wounds inflicted upon the heart and soul bleeds with a gnawing pain that leaves me naked to nature. The erupted volcano spits out fire of growing pain that burnt the very core of a pained soul with an indelible imprint all over. Emotions erupting like lava with the pain and anguish that leaves an open wound to bleed profusely. Like a thunderbolt of realization it tears me apart that mine is a lone battle of life and the place of priority all opened up to me  makes each pore bleed in such a pain that makes it helpless and hapless with a crumbled fortress.

A pain deep inside that gnaws and eats away  the core of my soul, an intense pain that turns into a cry of anguish because it eats into my body, soul, heart and mind, from a positive soul into a charred soul. An explosion of painful anguish that never snapped even in the three years journey through cancer. It feels like a cry, an ache, so intense that there's no way I can go on  any longer with that pain which tears me apart and just explodes shattering my fortress of strength. No matter what, it doesn't change and gnaws the core of  my inside, an intractable pain, anguish of soul, breaking of the heart and nothing helps that pain, it stays and like a volcano erupted, emitting fire and lava with sheer pain that pricks every atom of my being.

I know there is light after all this, I will get through this, smile again with renewed hope and emerge like a Phoenix from the ashes of the erupted volcano; with a stronger fortress of strength and positive glow.

Love of poetry.

"Poetry is the first and last of all knowledge - it is as immortal as the heart of man."
— William Wordsworth

One quote and a fact that comes to my mind whenever I read a poem. A verse comes out from the soul, sometimes it comes out from nowhere to haunt the core of your soul. Some poems get etched forever after you read them. Some are written and forgotten, somewhere in your memory but comes out of the blue to the wonderment inside you. But poems take you to those places hidden in the recesses of your soul, that was lost somewhere in the journey of your life. They are immortal. Sometimes it is only through poetry you can emote intensely. It may use condensed or compressed form to convey emotion or ideas so beautifully and something not there in other forms of literature.

Poems frequently rely for their effect on imagery, word usage, and the poetic qualities of the language used. The interactive layering of all these effects to generate meaning in what marks poetry.

The poems of Namitha Ks & Arun M Sivakrishna emotes different feelings of a human mind, heart & soul. For a poetry lover like me they take me to the recesses of my soul, that I thought was lost somewhere in my journey of life.

Their books are available in all online sites.

In solitude with an unconditional companion.

A nature lover, understands how inspiring it is to wake up to the beauty of nature. The cool breeze, chirping of birds on the trees, the sight of playful squirrels, ripples in the cool waters add splendor to your life. A natural habitat facing a  scintillating lake in the mountains on one side, the tranquility of the ocean and beach on another side can soothe you in the lap of nature, unconditionally like a mother. It is a unique way of unplugging from the monotony of life to the inspiration of nature. What you seem to forget in the rat race of life is how to quieten down, look deeper within and open our eyes to the marvel of nature to smother  and soothe you.

In a tranquil mind's eye, the tree, the grains of sand, the waves, its ripples, the falling raindrops,  overcast and blue skies, the hills, the vignetted leaves, the flowers, all this and more have a story to tell. It is the creative wonder of nature. The rustle of the leaves awaken you to an awareness of it's life, the blooming and blossoming of a bud to a flower has a music in it and a story to narrate if you care to look and listen. Even a tree has a story to tell of its life. Everything around in nature  has its own journey .


There is nothing more nurturing and soothing to the soul than being one with nature. It is a creative expression that becomes more instinctive immersed in the stillness of a mountain or an invigorating panorama of a beach. The core of the earth is where its heart lies, with unconditional love that knows only to give in its true nature until it is pushed to an abusive edge. Nature loves with no restraints or selfish motive and that is why creativity is enhanced,  passions ignited and insight awakened in the company of nature.


I have always loved to be one with nature, a perfect companion who understands and bestows. the rhythms of life are tuned to the rhythms of the Earth. The sights, sounds, scents, the feel and the music of nature is rejuvenating and inspiring than anything else. It reignites the passions of life to find your lost soul, that disappeared somewhere in the journey of life.


Leaving the man-made environments to be in solitude and one with nature, is a way of reconnecting to yourself, staying grounded and always healing. No matter however tethered you are in the demands of life, looking far away in the distance of nature, gives you wings to soar high. Everything can be learned from the nature surrounding you. It heals you from a feeling of being separate, unworthy or inadequate and you start looking outside the dull pain that your heart and soul feels resonating your positive glow.


To be able to connect to nature is invigorating and waking up to the experience of serenity in nature is most beautiful. Nature has a way of revealing some of the rarest emotions and sights that is spectacular. It captivates the heart bringing back those moments of tranquil contemplation in the hectic life.