An anniversary is a day to celebrate an occasion or an event or something significant in life. It is a milestone of something very precious. For me it is a time to reflect back on a time when cancer taught me the value of time and life; a time that made me realize the meaning of living life fully feeling alive. I strongly feel that milestones go hand in hand with cancer. For me they are the signposts along the road of life that show how far I have gone in my journey through life with cancer. Many cancer survivors have mixed emotions about milestones and anniversaries of their 'fight or love story with cancer.' They trigger a range of emotions, from gratitude and relief, from pain and sadness to fear of cancer recurrence, even after years have passed.
For me it has been a constant fight. I complete five years of my daily battle with pain. Everytime I am faced with a new challenge. I learned that cancers are of many types and forms. Dealing with triple negative cancer twice in five years, I should say I have the feeling of having won a great battle. Everything in life comes with its own price and I am paying for every little thing. Sometimes I feel it is a price paid for not taking care of myself.
I realize I possibly can’t pour from an empty cup. This seems to be a metaphor to prioritize and a tough concept too. It is true that I can't pour out anything from an empty cup, be it physical, psychological or emotional. It is not about being selfless but taking care to refill the energy time and again, be it whichever way I choose. I need to learn at some juncture that I am crossing all limits that make me forget to take care of myself until it is too late to revert back the body and its wear and tear. Only when the body begins to run low and empties itself of all energies, that one shudders to stop.
This quote really got into my mind, making me think about it for a long time. Readdressing priorities are something I need to do, at least after having gone through cancer that zapped me of my health, I realize that I should have been more careful. It has been long five years now, a triple negative cancer twice and then it has been a long daily battle of after effects...taking care of the hands that has no lymph nodes...keeping up the flexibility of the body and the aching bones...re-nerving my nerves that gives me a burning pain...with all these and more...Do I shudder to think if I am taking the care my body needs? I can't possibly pour from an empty cup. I need to refill my cup. How do I do that? I am faced with a decision of what's more important.
Life after cancer is not the same for all. The after care of cancer seems very important. Rejuvenating the body is as important as anything else. 'The emperor of all Maladies,' gives me a chance to rejoice by celebrating my 'cancerversary.' I have to thank my close family members and few friends for standing by me withstanding all my mood changes whenever my inner spirit dwindled a bit, tired of fighting a daily battle.
As I introspect, I I realize I’m very grateful for the little things in life that give me great joy today because of cancer.
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